Friday, March 31, 2006

Live Free or Buy


In which Tom Friedman gets this one just about right as far as it goes, but never closes the circle and reaches the Conclusion That Dare Not Speak Its Name: specifically, that George Bush and his pet Republican Party couldn’t be doing a better job of destroying this country if they were the paid agents of a foreign power.

Friedman will never utter those words. Never, ever.

He long ago dropped anchor in the Neverland Lagoon where the problem with the President and his Posse is that – much to Tom’s consternation -- they just don’t realize the harm their doing. It is indeed a puzzlement! That if Captain Obvious could just arrange a 20-minute audience with Himself he could straighten ‘ol Dubya out and explain, for example, that his Iraqi Policy is causing problems, not solving them.

Friedman’s pervasive and fact-free theory is that this “Come to Moses Meeting” would somehow be followed by the thunder of hands slapping foreheads and scales falling from eyes as the GOP collectively comes to grips with their failures; he is stuck in the “technical fix” Universe where people still believe that Bush and his peeps are basically good guys with good intentions, and just suffer from poor execution and being poorly served by a rouge’s gallery of Uriah Heep underlings.

The Captain also treads as lightly as a chubby mouse in a catnip bomber-jacket navigating the main floor of the Lion House just around sup-sup-sup-suppertime, because far too much of his personal well-being is staked to his main gig -- delivering ten-year-old platitudes about globalization to twenty-years-out-of-date, Conservative CEOs. Rich, white men with Republican rock-ribs, who adore George Bush and have voted straight GOP-ticket since they were old enough to golf in ugly pants.

Men who live in First Class – sometimes, to be clear and fair, through dint of long hours and hard work, which are traits to be admired – and have deluded themselves into believing that they can outsource the rivets and steel that hold the plane together, the engines that make it go and the flight crew that navigates it safely though the storm…and yet somehow they will be able to fly on in comfort forever, fueled by consultants and canny financial valuation trickery.

Friedman catches such men as the last of their employees plummet wholesale Earthward, as they sit in the skeletal airframe of their once-proud ships and the deathly cold wind of 30,000 feet is whistling though their ass-cracks and he advises that, perhaps, Steps Of Some Kind Should Be Taken.

This time, however, although what he says is obvious, he gets it about 50% right, so let’s give him his due, listen a bit to Radio Free Obvious, and then double-back and talk about certain Glaring Omissions.

This from an Op-Ed column entitled “Facts and Folly”


I was leaving for a trip the other day and scooped up some reading material off my desk for the plane ride. I found myself holding three documents: one was the Bush administration's National Security Strategy for 2006; another was a new study by the Economic Strategy Institute entitled "America's Technology Future at Risk," about how America is falling behind the world in broadband. And the third was "Teaching at Risk," a new report by the Teaching Commission, headed by the former I.B.M. chairman Louis Gerstner Jr., about the urgent need to upgrade the quality and pay of America's K-12 teachers.

The contrast was striking. The Bush strategy paper presupposes that we are a rich country and always will be, and that the only issue is how we choose to exercise our power. But what the teaching and telecom studies tell us is that key pillars of U.S. power are eroding, and unless we start tending to them in a strategic way, we aren't going to be able to project power anywhere.

Because we've long been rich, there is an abiding faith that we always will be, and those who dare question that are labeled "defeatists." I wouldn't call Lou Gerstner a defeatist. He saved I.B.M. by acknowledging its weaknesses and making dramatic changes — beginning with scrapping I.B.M.'s arrogant assumption that because it was such a great company, it could do extraordinary things with average people. Mr. Gerstner understood that an extraordinary company could stay that way only if it had a critical mass of extraordinary people.


"If teaching remains a second-rate profession, America's economy will be driven by second-rate skills," Mr. Gerstner says. "We can wake up today — or we can have a rude awakening sooner than we think."


Meanwhile, the report by the Economic Strategy Institute, a nonpartisan think tank, is equally harrowing. It notes that while the U.S. led the world in broadband Internet access in 2000, it has now fallen to 16th place. In 2000, 40 percent of the world's telecom equipment was produced in America. That share is now 21 percent and falling. The U.S. ranks 42nd for the percentage of people with cellphones.

In an age when connectivity means productivity, when communications infrastructure is at the heart of any innovation ecosystem, these things matter for job creation and growth. The lack of ultra-high-speed networks in the U.S. "makes it impossible for U.S.-based companies to enter key new business sectors" — one reason venture capitalists are moving their R.&D. start-ups to Asia, E.S.I. noted.

"The wealth and long-term economic growth of the United States," it added, "have long depended upon technological advancement as a means of competing with our foreign rivals. ...

It's not surprising that the Bush strategy paper is largely silent about these educational and technological deficits, as well as about the investment we need to make in alternative fuels to end our oil addiction. Because to acknowledge these deficits is to acknowledge that we have to spend money to fix them, and the radical Bush tax cuts make that impossible. It would be one thing if we were going into debt to solve these problems that affect our underlying national strength. But we are going into debt to buy low-interest houses and more stuff made in China.


Which is true, but insufficient.

We may or may not be able to educate our way out of the corner we’re in, but to even attempt to do so, we first have to come squarely to terms with who we are, what we are, and how we really got here.

To do that, consider this, which is one of my favorite quotes from Charlie Chaplin.
“The saddest thing I can imagine is to get used to luxury.”

That is the dirty truth and true root of our problem; We have become the saddest thing Charlie Chaplin could imagine.

We have become used to luxury.

Those $.99 chicken fingers? The $12 bumper-to-bumper, inside-and-out car-wash? The three-oranges-for-a-buck sale down at the Jewel?

These are, all of them, luxury items, created not by a band of rugged Libertarians hewing agricultural and technological miracles out of the living rock, but made possible by an ocean of cheap labor, federal subsidies and a continent rich beyond the dreams of Avarice in natural resources.

What we’re all about (and always have been) is manufacturing what, for most of human history, has been luxury goods, selling them cheap and living fat off the margins. There is nothing at all wrong with making a living doing this, except that in the long run, every race will go to the cleverest, and right now our problem is that we don’t believe that.

We are drowning in our own mythos of Sunshine, Freedom and Manifest Destiny.

We have take a fatal dose of our own Exceptionalism propaganda and have internalized down to our tubby little toesies the belief that God Almighty wants us to live in opulence.

That God wants gas prices to be low.

At the heart of the Parable of the Talents Party is a core belief that “Abundance is my Right”, and since my rights are thingies with which my Creator has endowed me…God not only wants me to have a 106” flat screen plasma teevee, His divine plan demands it.

Like the War on Terra, or gay bashing, or stripping women of the right to possess and govern their own bodies unmolested (literally and Constitutionally)…once you begin with the fucked-up premise that the pursuit of your greed or perversion is actually a Celestial Mission sanctioned by the Big Guy, all is permitted.

And if we believe that we have a Divine Right to live forever at our ease at the expense of others because Yahweh wouldn’t want it any other way, the doors of Pandora’s Hummer fly open and the terrors of the night walk out into the daylight.

Because to strut the planet and rub the noses of six billion people in the fact that we believe God has ordained we live in perpetual, profligate extravagance in a world growing poorer, smarter and more globally interdependent every day is to court disaster abroad…and slavery at home.

Because slavery is where it all began.

And where it is doomed to end if we don’t make substantive changes both in the way we think about the world, and the way we act in the world.

We are and have been, from time to time, a wildly and breathtakingly creative and imaginative people. We shouldn’t discount that because in the end it’s what will save us.

In the end, if we are to survive, we need the educate the hell out of people. To train them by the millions and then retrain them as the world changes, and reward them for learning and adapting and “making the pie higher” as richly as we now reward people for downsizing and outsourcing.

But we can’t delude ourselves: we did not arrive here on a mountain of gold with clean hands and by God’s Grace. We got here by a combination of cleverness, theft, creativity, murder, luck, and viciousness, and the reason we live large has little to do with some ineffable quality of “Christian Americanyness” and a lot to do with these three thing, presented in no particular order.

Natural Abundance. There was more here – on the American continent – of everything in staggering, seemingly-limitless quantities than anywhere else ever. Period.

We wolfed it down, and came back for seconds. And now we believe a bottomless appetite is somehow something that's sanctioned by the Bible and protected by the Constitution.

WWII. The short version. Virtually the entire industrial capacity of planet Earth was obliterated and the fortunes of great nations and empires bled out by World War II. When the last shot was fired, the lone manufacturing giant still standing almost unscathed was the United States.

At a time when the whole of the world was a desert…we owned the only lemonade stand in the Solar System.

Of course we made money. Mad, impossible, Croesius-crying-in-his-beer loot. For about three decades, it didn’t really matter how filthy or inefficient or just-plain-dumbass the process was, here at home and out there in blasted rubble of old empires, people were ready to buy, buy, buy.

So we made the Big Cake…but then ascribed our wealth to our ideology instead of our good fortune. We froze the haircuts, social structures and mores of a moment in time when the Gods gave us a huge fucking windfall and said, for all time, that it was our crew-cuts and virginity that made us rich.

And conversely, when competition heated up and recessions came -- when Japan began making really good cars, and OPEC grabbed our nuts and squeezed -- we blamed the implosion of the Nuclear Family on our long hair and fucking, instead of recognizing the obvious: that the Nuclear Family – like the tail-fins on a Caddy – can only exist in a peculiar, rarified culture that can remain perpetually wealthy enough to support an entire family on a single income.

The minute that ceases to be true, without the bracing, stabilizing benefits of an extended family wrapped around it to absorb the shock, a culture built on the beach of the Fountain of Eternal Wealth begins to collapse.


Slavery. Slavery made us rich and destroyed our soul. Not simply because it made using people as chattel part of our national identity and heritage, but worse – much, much worse – in order to reconcile the existence of Slavery as the pillar that supported the worldly prosperity of the ruling class in the Land of the Free, we created the mold of Divine White Male Privilege into which our hatred and fear has been poured, generation after generations.

And out of which the scum of the Earth have lumbered, generation after generation.

Once they were the CSA.

Today they are the GOP.

Nothing but Old Whine in New Skins, creatures whose Operating System was hammered into place using the butt-end of the Cross by the Confederate Government and the War of Choice they chose to wage in defense of their right to get rich from the forced labor of others.

Hey, don’t take my word for it. Just listen to what ol’ Jeff Davis himself had to say on the subject.

From Jefferson Davis’ actual address to the Provisional Congress of the Confederate States of America, Montgomery, April 29, 1861…

"In the meantime, under the mild and genial climate of the Southern States and the increasing care and attention for the well-being and comfort of the laboring class, dictated alike by interest and humanity, the African slaves had augmented in number from about 600,000, at the date of the adoption of the constitutional compact, to upward of 4,000,000. In moral and social condition they had been elevated from brutal savages into docile, intelligent, and civilized agricultural laborers, and supplied not only with bodily comforts but with careful religious instruction.

Under the supervision of a superior race their labor had been so directed as not only to allow a gradual and marked amelioration of their own condition, but to convert hundreds of thousands of square miles of wilderness into cultivated lands covered with a prosperous people; towns and cities had sprung into existence, and had rapidly increased in wealth and population under the social system of the South; the white population of the Southern slaveholding States had augmented form about 1,250,000 at the date of the adoption of the Constitution to more than 8,500,000 in 1860; and the productions of the South in cotton, rice, sugar, and tobacco, for the full development and continuance of which the labor of African slaves was and is indispensable, had swollen to an amount which formed nearly three-fourths of the exports of the whole United States and had become absolutely necessary to the wants of civilized man."

And this…
I enter upon the duties of the office to which I have been chosen with the hope that the beginning of our career as a Confederacy may not be obstructed by hostile opposition to our enjoyment of the separate existence and independence which we have asserted, and, with the blessing of Providence, intend to maintain."

It was God’s Will that White Men exploit and subjugate the lesser races and work them to death for White Men’s Prospertity.

So what does that have to do with Friedman?

Easy.

In 1861 the South was prosperous specifically because of the forced labor of four million brown people who were reviled, exploited, abused and utterly necessary.

In 2006, America is prosperous specifically because of the peonage-cheap, illegal labor of twelve million brown people who are reviled, exploited, abused and utterly necessary.

We tolerate with a wink-and-a-nudge a system that simultataneously criminalizes a labor force of twelve million to keep them underground and terrified, and then carefully extracts their labor for pennies.

Any social policy which doesn’t confront immigration on those terms will fail and fail badly because, in the end, we really only have two choices: Either a renegotiation of the social contract to pay working people a living wage, or an open recognition that we will forever rely more and more on cheaper and cheaper labor to remain spoiled and Holy.

So far we have chosen neither. We have chosen to burn through our collective inheritance of wealth and prestige to make foolish choices, set foolish policies, wage foolish wars, without having to feel any pain. Like crack-heads, we have stolen from our parents and mooched from our children enough fast, high-interest cash to allow us to trundle along in a state of oblivious Eloi-ness where we don’t have to make any hard decisions and our God-Given Right to Comfort and Ease keeps us from asking too many tough questions about where all this Free Lunch is actually coming from.

But Physics and Economics are brutal loan-sharks and we can’t all live forever on borrowed money, no matter how successful certain individuals like Dubya have been at doing just that.

And sooner than we ever dreamed possible the day will be upon us when we will be required to choose between working and living a little harder and a little smarter for a little less in the short run, but a lot of good in the long term…or to continue to insist that God demands that we get the top cut of everything, even if it takes an army to force the rest of the world to give it to us.

And if we choose the latter – if we refuse to cope or adapt, but just insist that the government keep us stocked with cheap goods and cheap labor by any means necessary – all of Tom Friedman’s schools will not save us.

Because by that time the Slave Markets will have once again become permanent fixtures on our national landscape, and the Jefferson Davis South will have well and truly risen again.

Thursday, March 30, 2006

Lies and Pols -- Part II


Seeing a dangerous shortage of Loesser-based satire, the inimitable LowerManhattanite steps into the breach -- funny-pen in hand like a 12-story scimitar -- and lays this down.

'Cause LowerManhattanite is one righteously funny SOB, who I will continue to gently noodge in the direction of starting a blog of his own (but he is also, from what I understand, a very busy SOB too), or to hook up with a like-mind to add a second, massive barrel to some pre-existing shotgun.


But in an alternate universe, we see...this...

A GATHERING OF RIGHT-WING PUNDITS (BIG BUCKLEY, JOHNNY THE DERB, et.al.) FILE INTO AN ALREADY PACKED (WITH REGULAR CITIZENS) "FIND-A-SOUL MISSION", SISTERS VAN DEN HEUVEL AND HUFFINGTON STAND AT THE FRONT.

JUST THEN, A SMALL, OWLISH MAN IN A TWEED SUIT STEPS UP, CLUTCHING HIS HAT AND SPORTING A JAUNTY BOW-TIE. AS EVERYONE SITS DOWN, HE LOOKS HEAVENWARD FOR A MOMENT, AND THEN HE (GEORGE WILL) PIPES UP:

WILLSY-WILLSY:
I dreamed last night I spoke to my friend Donny Rumsfeld
And by some chance some simple folk had tagged along,
And there I stood, and I chuckled,
"I think we’re winning,"

But the simple folk, they knew right from wrong
For the people all said,
"You clown, you clown we’re f*ckin’' up Iraq!"

THE AMERICAN PEOPLE:
People all said,
"You clown, you clown we’re f*ckin’' up Iraq!"

WILLSY-WILLSY:
And the insurgency’ll drag us under
With a thousand car bombs and IED attacks
You clown, you clown, you clown, you clown,

WILLSY-WILLSY & THE AMERICAN PEOPLE:
You clown, we’re f*ckin’ up Iraq!

WILLSY-WILLSY:
I railed…

THE AMERICAN PEOPLE:
Ooooooh-oooh…

WILLSY-WILLSY:
At my good friend Donny Rumsfeld,
And by some chance found a British memo in my fist,
And there I stood,
Plainly ignorin’ what it listed,
But the simple folk were bound to be pissed
For the people all said, “No fair!”

THE AMERICAN PEOPLE:
People all said “No fair! No fair!”,

WILLSY-WILLSY:
You sold this war on bullsh*t!
People all said “No fair!”

THE AMERICAN PEOPLE:
People all said “No fair!”

WILLSY-WILLSY:
No fair, you sold the war on pure bullsh*t!
And the quagmire’ll drag us under
No matter how many WMD jokes the prez cracks,

BUSHLY-BUSHLY & THE AMERICAN PEOPLE:
You clown, you clown, you clown, you clown,
We’re f*ckin’ up Iraq!

WILLSY-WILLSY:
And as…

THE AMERICAN PEOPLE;
Ooooh, ooooooh…

WILLSY-WILLSY:
I mocked those folks for ever disbelievin’
Ahhhhhhhhhh Ahhhhhhhh, Ahhhhhhh
A wave of popular opinion washed me overboard,
And as I sank, I hollered
“Pumkinhead, save me!”
That's the moment I woke up, thank the Lord!

THE AMERICAN PEOPLE:
Thank the lord! Thank the lord!

WILLSY-WILLSY:
And I mea culpa-ed myself, “You clown!”

THE AMERICAN PEOPLE:
Mea culpa-ed himself, “You clown!”

WILLSY-WILLSY:
“You clown, we’re screwin’ up Iraq!”
mea culpa-ed myself, “You clown!”

THE AMERICAN PEOPLE:
Mea culpa-ed himself, “You clown!”

WILLSY-WILLSY:
You clown, we’re screwin’ up Iraq
And the insurgency’ll drag us under,

THE AMERICAN PEOPLE:
And the insurgency’ll drag us under.

WILLSY-WILLSY:
Never mind that deluded Insta-hack!

WILLSY-WILLSY & THE AMERICAN PEOPLE:
You clown, you clown, you clown, you clown,
You clown you done f*cked up Iraq!
You clown, you done,
Done f*cked up Iraq!
You clown, you done,
Done f*cked up Iraq!
You clown, you done,
Done f*cked up Iraq!
You clown, you done,
Done f*cked up Iraq!
You clown, you clown you done f*cked up Iraq!

Aaaaaah, who'm I kiddin'...musicals are but fantasies, like the legs of Cyd Charisse.

:)


Best,
Lower Manhattanite

Monday, March 27, 2006

Lies and Polls


Big Dubya rolls the bones.

There are many ways of comprehending certain events of today.

Me, I can think of two?

We can take the easy way out. Limit ourselves to the operating parameters of mere reality. Go to the tape of the White House press scrum today, and watch Helen [who I am guessing is the estimable Helen Thomas] dribble breathtakingly incompetent liar Scotty McClellan around like a basketball.

Actually, that sounds like a blast! (Emphasis added...uh, because it makes my ass look less fat.)


Q In a follow up for -- from this morning's briefing, I said that the President was aware in the run-up to the war that there were no weapons -- no weapons -- unconventional weapons had been found, and you sort of denied that it was in the mem

MR. McCLELLAN: No, this morning you said that the President was aware there were no weapons of mass destruction. And that is not what that article spelled out.

Q This is what it -- the memo says: The President and Prime Minister acknowledge that no unconventional weapons had been found inside Iraq in the run-up to the war.

MR. McCLELLAN: Yes, let me remind you and take you back to that time period, because there was a U.N. weapons inspection team that was looking at these issues. And that team put out I think some sort of interim report back in December of '02, and that report showed that the regime was not coming clean. And we said at that time that the regime was continuing its pattern of non-cooperation and that if they continued --
Q They also said they didn't find any weapons.

MR. McCLELLAN: -- if they continued down that path, then we were prepared to use force. The President pursued a diplomatic solution. That's why we went to the United Nations. That's why we passed a 17th resolution that called on the regime to disclose or face serious consequences.

Q The memo says he wanted a war, basically that he was determined, and there were no weapons found.

MR. McCLELLAN: No, Helen, that's not an accurate assessment, and you know it. Because you covered --

Q Is this memo wrong?

MR. McCLELLAN: Well, you covered us at that time period. And let me remind you, go back to that time period, look at the public comments that were made, look at the numerous statements that were made by the President of the United States. We were continuing to pursue a diplomatic solution, but we recognized that it was necessary to prepare and plan accordingly in the event we would need to use force, and that's what we were doing at that time, as well.
...

Q Is this memo correct?

MR. McCLELLAN: I don't -- I haven't seen that memo, Helen.

Q You haven't seen The New York Times' memo?

MR. McCLELLAN: I've seen The New York Times.


Bwahaha!

Since I blog from the chill recesses of castle driftglass, my computer monitor stays at a pretty constant 60-65 degrees. And yet the rage that’s comes positively boiling off of Scotty Dog here was sufficient to instantaneously cauterize this article backwards into the far wall at the end of the Hall of Computers.

Thank God I was wearing my personal shield.

The cat, however, did not fare so well: poor thing now has this…

flash-tattooed onto her ass.

So that’s one way of seeing the day’s headlines, and it obviously has its perils.

But what’s missing from the public recitations of the Audio-Animatronic Spokesweasel (“We’re sorry, Mrs. McClellan, but...he's...no longer really your son anymore. He’s more poo than mannequin now.”) in the White House front window is a sense of what was going on behind the scenes, as big, stupid decisions were being made.

Of course we cannot actually know more until Backwards Day comes and Republicans decide to take an interest in investigating the high crimes and misdemeanors of the Bush White House, or until the Dems take back part or all of the Congress and start minting subpoenas by the job-lot.

But we can speculate irresponsibly…

This from the inimitable “Guys and Dolls”, wherein I borrow the splendid, Runyanesque dialogue, take it for a spin, get it drunk, tart it up in Naughty Nurse apparel, give it a kiss and woo down Cuba way for my own dark designs.

We join Secretary of State, Colin “Detroit” Powell, and President of the United State – Big Dubya Bush -- in the eve of the Iraqi invasion, discussing the fact that the Mighty Morphin’ Casus Belli for Big Dubya’s war had evaporated...

Detroit: How many days we all been here? As you can see, Big Dubya, the analysts are fatigued from weariness, having been talking crap for quite a while now, namely months.

Big Dubya: I don't care who's tired…nobody leaves.

Detroit: I am half dead.

“Birdshot” Cheney: If you do not shut up, Big Dubya will arrange the other half.

Big Dubya: And since I've been cleaned out of facts, I announce that I will now play on dogma.

Detroit: Big Dubya, you cannot imagine how exhausted they are. Especially on a non-fact basis. Me, personally, I'm fresh as a daisy.

Big Dubya: Then I'll play with you.

Detroit: But I am not a player. I am merely the operator.

Big Dubya: You been raking down out of every pot. You must have quite a lot of integrity.

Detroit: Being I assume the risk, is it not fair, I should assume some prestige?

Big Dubya: Detroit, I'm gonna roll ya, willy or nilly. If I lose... I'll give you my marker.

Detroit: And if I lose?

“Birdshot” Cheney: You will give him your credibility.

Detroit: Let me hear from Big Dubya.

Big Dubya: You'll give me credibility.

Detroit: I heard.

Big Dubya: Here's my marker. Put up your good name. Anything wrong?

Detroit: "IOU Your Good Name Back. Signed X." How can you write "Your Good Name" but not your signature?

Big Dubya: It’s called a “Presidential signing statement”.

Detroit: Here. This'll cheat you through Harvard. Again.

Big Dubya: I'm rollin' the whole war. And to change my luck, I'm going to use my own dice.

Detroit: Your own dice?

Big Dubya: Turdblossom had 'em made special.

Detroit: I do not wish to seem petty, but may I have a look at those dice?

(pause)

Detroit: But these dice ain't got no spots on 'em. They're blank.

Big Dubya: I had the spots removed for luck. But I remember where the spots formerly were.

Detroit: You are going to roll blank dice…and remember where the spots were?

Big Dubya: Detroit... do you doubt my memory?

Detroit: Big Dubya, I have great trust in you.

Big Dubya: Niger yellowcake and al Quaeda. 9/11. My points: 9/11.

Detroit: At least I got a chance. He remembered a hard point.

Big Dubya: 9/11. I win. Saddam plus Osama. Pay up.

Sunday, March 26, 2006

Sunday Mornin’ Coming Down



In which the GOP tries to reconcile their laissez-faire hippocampi and their “The Brown Hordes Are Coming!” gonads.

Resulting in a Sunday as short, mushy, bland and gray as a fistful of half-melted, tap-water cocksicles (link is decidedly not work-safe.)

Not worth your time, or mine, so let us move briskly into the poo, and then outward to lunch, mojitos, Infinity...and Beyond!


On Fox – Condi Rice discovers pastels, highlights and Sally’s Beauty Supply.

Condi explains why the Iraqis are kicking ass and moving right along, and if she were needed over there she’d be on a plane tonight, but now “Iraqis need to talk to Iraqis”.

She also tackles a certain “coon” comment specifically and race generally thusly: America still suffers from its original defect of slavery, and years of racial separation. America needs to be a little more humble about our own founding. When Americans say Iraqis should hurry up and do this or that, we should remember that even in mature democracies, forming a multiracial, multiethnic society is hard.

I agree, especially when one Party is devoted to exploiting, exacerbating and expanding hatred, bigotry and intolerance. Like, say, through some kind of “Southern Strategy” that panders to racists instead of repudiating them, because without the votes of wannabe klansmen and Christopaths to give them a margin of victory, they’d lose every election everywhere.

Kinda weird that that’s the Party you work for, eh Condi?

That without your boss pandering to a loyal army of knuckledraggers who despise you and everyone who looks like you, you’d be working hot-tubs and sugaring gas tanks at Pepperdine trying to snag a tenured gig.

Carl Levin on Gridlock in Iraq. The Iraqi leadership is farting around and relying on us to protect them. Every fucking day they lock their keys in the Democracymobile and then sit around waiting and shooting at each other and us for U.S. Tire and Towing to show up with the slim-jim.

We should be smacking them upside their heads with 2x4s demanding that they get their act together now. Instead, we hear the same excuses that we just heard [from Rice].

Quote from Cheney about what folly it is for the Dems to run on “competence”.

Short Levin reply: Bring it on, Bitches!



On CBS -- Face the Nation -- Immigration. Kennedy. Amnesty.

About what you’d expect.




On NBC -- Meet the Press -- War, War, War, Condi, and a Special Guest appearance by...Immigration.

Couldn’t watch the GOP tickertape unspool out of Condi’s mouth.

Tried to, but what new (and, by definition, newsworthy) thing does this Administration have to say anymore? At least Fox had the marketing savvy to throw on a token Dem after giving Condi the mike for 10 minutes, but Casaba-Noggin’ just gave her the better part of half an hour of unrebutted air.

So instead, this predictable musical interlude, courtesy of Marilyn Manson which I hear in my head at 100 decibels every time another Administration’s myrmidon marionettes starts jabbering lying happytalk at me:

Everything has been said before
There's nothing left to say anymore
When it's all the same
You can ask for it by name

Babble babble bitch bitch
Rebel rebel party party
Sex sex sex and don't forget the violence
Blah blah blah got your lovey-dovey sad-and-lonely
Stick your stupid slogan in:
Everybody sing along.
Babble babble bitch bitch
Rebel rebel party party
Sex sex sex and don't forget the "violence"
Blah blah blah got your lovey-dovey sad-and-lonely
Stick your stupid slogan in:
Everybody sing,
Are you motherfuckers ready
For the new shit?
Stand up and admit,
tomorrow's never coming.
This is the new shit.
Stand up and admit.
Do we get it? No.
Do we want it? Yeah.
This is the new shit,
Stand up and admit.

So,
Let us entertain you
Let us entertain you...
Blah blah blah blah everybody sing along.

Better now, and on to reportorial table talk featuring the 2006 elections and, hey, guess what?

Immigration!

David Broder, Liz Bumiller, Charlie Cook, John Harwood.

Liz Bumiller: Bush is trying to have it both ways.

John Harwood (WSJ): Dems have problems too.

Short GOP Iraqing Point for the next week: The Media is the Message and the Message is the Enemy. Major Media only wants to report the bad stuff.

Cook: It plays with the base. And 80 journalists have been killed there, so going to look for “good news” can get you killed. This is just another “Mission Accomplished” banner.

Broder refers us to Deborah Howell (his boss) and her column on the subject. I haven’t read it so have nothing to say about it.

Harwood: What a weak argument. Sheesh! You have journalists who can’t move around due to security. WTF is wrong with these people!

On what it sez here on the label is a “Republican Rebellion” Casaba Noggin’ quotes Broder’s column back to him – extensively – and then pipes in with, “Ouch!”

Now that's some journalisming there kids.

Then Casaba Noggin’ quotes Bumiller’s column back to her – expansively – and sez, “So who’s the reliever!”

Bumiller answers.

Then, Casaba Noggin’ sez, “John…”

Then reads some poll numbers.

Then Casaba Noggin’ quotes Cook’s column back to him – for 108 minutes, almost a filibuster – and sez, “Charlie, what do you see in the Senate?”

Cook answers.

Then Casaba Noggin’ quotes more of Cook’s column back to him – interminably – and sez, “Tough. So the Dems need an inside straight?”

Tim Russert; one of the few human beings I know of who would actually fail a fucking Turing Test.



Seriously, NBC, save yourself some Big Cake, fire Russert’s worthless carcass and go Full Ananova (no not “Anna Nova” [link so-very-much NOT work-safe.] although that would be entertaining too.) Buy a Mac, get some intern to show you how to use the “speech” function, and feed it wire-copy randomly interspersed with the word “Well?”

ABC – This week -- Immigration, and Republican Arlen Specter and Republican Tom Tancredo play "GOP Spy vs. Spy".

Only quote of note was Tancredo: “I’m not surprised that Hillary doesn’t know anything about the Bible.”

Why bother? The Republican Party is worm-eaten from crotch to crown with pin-head and bigots like this, because that’s the way they want it. A Party that invests 4/5th of its energy warming itself in the cheery glow of the rhetorical crosses it lights to keep the Mole Rat Base happy, and spends the rest of its breath denying they every meant anything by it and calling Democrats angry and unAmerican.

The Round Table…Fareed Z., George Will and Katrina Vanden Heuval.

Would anyone be surprised if I mentioned that “Immigration” was first on the table?

Fareed: American Demand brings these people here. Our economic growth rate depends directly on immigrants. These are 11 million hard-working, law-abiding. How do you deport 11 million?

Will: Morality separated from practicality is immorality.

Katrina: Immigration will rip apart the Republican Party.

Will: The backbone of our economy is not leaf-rakers, it’s MicroSoft.

Katrina/Fareed: People can work at MicroSoft because they can hire someone cheaply to stay home and take care of their kids. Dumbass.

Katrina: The David Duke, “White Supremacists” thinking has been absorbed into the Right on the subject of immigration.

And thence on to Global Warming, for which George Will unsnaps his change purse, rolls on his latex gloves and like an archivist handing the original draft of the Magna Carta, carefully lifts out his moldering “Global cooling” articles from 20 years ago.

Very Reaganesque, this faithful impression of Ronnie and how he used to haul out his lying “welfare queens with Cadillacs” clippings to “prove” that welfare recipients were a buncha lazy Negroes living off the sweat of honest, White Christians.

Frankly, Will is all gassy and dyspeptic out of simple fear that saving the Earth might cost him some dough.

Typical conservative; will run into a burning building to save a five dollar bill, but won’t spend that five bucks to save a burning planet.

Katrina beats on Will reasonably well, and he sits there, fingers steepled, steely eyes looking into a bright future where uppity womenfolk are “dealt with” Old Testament-style and are not allowed to show up on yak shows and make him look like a weird, old crank.

Kartina: The debate is over. People who won’t face the face of greenhouse changes are “global warming loonies”. The same kind of delusional dumbasses who clung to the “cigarettes don’t cause cancer” lies until the bitter end. And remember, this is an Administration that is at war with Science. That suppresses the truth. That rewrites scientific findings to fit political spin. That scrubs its own reports to [unintelligible, but I’ll betcha it was something like “make its Fundy Overlords happy.”]


On NBC – Hey, the Chris Matthews Show somehow made it past the NCAA filters…

So, OK. There’s Katty Kay, and Julio Cesar Ortiz (Matthews Discovers Immigration), Kathleen Parker and Mike Duffy.

Matthews sings “The Immigrant Song” for a few minutes, and then...

Kathleen Parker smiles her tight-little-Mary-Matalin smile and, as I impressionistically reinterpret it, explained that real ‘Murricans just hate these fucking beaners greasing up their White Planet dreams and possibly stealing their daughters with their oily, wetback charm.

That there’s this subliminal dislike (and I am not kidding, this is the example this shrike used) among us Gringos whenever you call the utility company and you get the “Para espanol…” option. What’s happening to our Great Nation, after all, when “those people” can’t be bothered to learn English and we can’t tell if they’re maybe talking about what a shrill harridan Kathleen Parker is right to her face.

And FYI, Parker is all sneer and wingnut tailings, whether on paper or teevee: the Trib carries her polluted little words and giving her the meditative time and distance of print to use for mature reflection before she spews her smiley-venom improves her not one whit.

Oh, goodie, they’re all onto welfare, and Parker can hold forth that all of that “cheap labor isn’t cheap”, ‘cause “those people” are gobbling up billions in social services.

Think about what she is saying. That immigrants cross deserts, river and barbed wire, work peonage hours for pennies, and stay on the dodge from the law, all to somehow relax and goof off in the sheltering bower of the Food Stamps and Government Cheese that Kathleen Parker’s tax money lavishes on their lazy, brown asses.

Bastards!

So it was a lotta yadda, although the signoff was not bad: Matthews got as close as he’ll ever come to saying that Dubya’s a lying wretch who clearly, loudly and repeatedly made the deliberate connection between 9/11 and Saddam Hussein

Which would be progress, were in not for the fact that next week Matthews will undoubtedly be back to servicing Dubya’s lap-clown like an oil derrick.


And, as an extra bit of meat-loaf-stretcher, I thought I’d throw in this little bit of sweet-sweet, GOP magic from NeoCon Hamlet himself -- David Brooks, the Melancholy Bane -- on the News Hour (Friday, 03/24/06) as he cautiously launches the latest in Republican Talking Point Technology: The underreporting of Invisible Good News!

For a definitive refutation of this latest addition to the long, pathetic and fatal line of Republican greased-weasel lies and excuses -- that things are not really as horrifically-wrong-and-sprinting-towards-the-abyss in Iraq as it appears if you just factor in a Vast and Pellucid Ether of Undetectable Goodness -- head of over to Crooks and Liars and watch this vid of Lara Logan laying down the law.

This from the News Hour shows how the same drivel is drizzled out with daintier hands.

JIM LEHRER: David, how do you think -- what do you think about this, the connection between public opinion going against the war and what the press is doing about the covering of the war?

DAVID BROOKS: Well, I guess I'd say two things. First, one doesn't want to say that things in Iraq are rosy and the media is picking out the awful things. Nonetheless, one does hear tremendous -- from almost every serviceman and woman I see over there -- this idea that we go and cover the bombings, but they see the bombings. They see the assassination, but they also see the stores, and they see the people shopping. So they see a complex picture; all we cover is the bombings.

As if, if you turned on any city on the 11:00 news, all you would see is fires, you'd think there were fires everywhere. So I do think there is a gap between the complexity of the reality of Iraq and what we see; that doesn't mean that the media is manufacturing the chaos over there. Everybody also says there's tremendous chaos over there.


MARK SHIELDS: I'd just say, imagine, if you would, that the Washington National Cathedral had been blown up, and that every day in the United States, which is 12 times the size of Iraq, there were 500 people found executed. Now, what do you think would dominate? Do you think the opening of the new Wal-Mart and Cankiki (ph), a junior high addition, the hospital drive would lead the news?

I mean, this is big stuff. I mean, these are people being executed every single day there, and that is natural that that's going to be covered.


DAVID BROOKS: Right, of course. But there's also -- I mean, I'm not denying that. But there's also a construction or a semi-construction of society which is also an important thing that's happening in Iraq, and that part's just harder to cover because it's every day, it's invisible.

I don't want to say, as some talk radio show guys do, that the media is -- it's wonderful over there, but the media, the media, the media. I don't want to go in that direction. But it's just harder to cover invisible, untelegenic, social trends.


JIM LEHRER: Can he communicate his way out of this?

DAVID BROOKS: No, of course not. I mean, and I've become a little upset with the media -- everybody should be upset with the media, I guess -- the decadence of turning everything to a message-handling issue.

This is like 95 percent substance, and a little bit of how Bush talks about it. And he could be talk about it -- he could be, you know, Abraham Lincoln or, I don't know, Shakespeare -- and if we see the violence and if Iraq is the way Iraq is, it doesn't matter. So, you know...


Damned funny that Bobo chooses to lambast the "media" over its "decadence of turning everything to a message-handling issue" when spin and packaging is all this Potemkin White House has ever excelled at.

And oh but BoBo does so very badly want to “go in that direction.”

Is so reeking-with-ass-sweat desperate to find some counterweight to throw on the scale to prove that his whole ideology, Party, career and self aren’t now shown irrefutably to be a pile of radioactive waste that he can be seen here in the act of literally pulling shit out of thin air.

Chalking up the lack of Good News from Iraq to fact that it is Fucking Invisible.

And with such skilled tailors as BoBo in waiting, we can bid Sunday adieu and all sit back and enjoy the unfolding spectacle of the Republican Party ordering up an entire rack of New 2006 Electoral Clothes cut from this same creamy, imaginary linen.

Chinchilla Ice


Lies, lies, baby.

Wherein a famous tune by Queen and David Bowie...

...which was shamelessly ripped-off by one-hit blunder Vanilla Ice...

...is ripped-off again by yours truly to frame the fearful symmetry of the Wile E. Coyote career arc of Box-Turtle Ben...

...as I take a shot at the very dangerous "Irony Trifecta".

Do not attempt this maneuver at home without a spotter, a Thai Love Basket, a 12x12 waterproof tarp and pitcher of sangria.

“At Leisure”

Leisure
Pushing down on me
Harshing down on me
Not what I asked for

Leisure
That burns a RedState down
Splits a cult in two
Puts freepers on streets

Bah bah bah bah bah bah
Bah bah bah bah bah bah

That’s o-kay!

It’s the terror of knowing
Your plagiarism’s found out
Watching the WaPo
Screaming “Get him out!”

Pray tomorrow they’ll forget I’m a liar

Pressure on freepers
Freepers on streets

Do do do bah bah bah bah
O-kay
Chippin’ around
Kick my brains round the floor
Can't believe I got outed
By P.J. O'Rourke

Another freeper on streets
Another freeper on streets

It’s the terror of learning
What the Right's all about
Watching my wingnut heroes
Screaming “Take him out!”
Pray tomorrow takes me higher higher higher

Pressure on freepers
Freepers in streets

Turned away from it all
Like a blind man
Tried a liar's defense but it won’t work
Tried out as the new Rove
But now I’m so slashed and torn
Why why why?
Rove Rove Rove Rove

Insanity laughs, “at leisure” I’m cracking
Can’t we give Lil’ Rove one more chance?
Why can’t we give me that one more chance?
Why can’t we give Rove give Rove give Rove?
Give Rove give Rove give Rove give Rove give Rove?

Cause Lil’ Rove’s just like the Elder Turd
And what’s a little “Jayson Blair”
For people on the edge of the Right?
Rove dares us to slime our way
Out of the cesspits our lies made

This is his last dance
This our last glance

Of this pal of “Mach-i-a-vel”

Now at leisure

dum-dum-dum-dah-dah-de-dum

Now at leisure…


(And for the kids, here's full-sized and poster-ready)

Saturday, March 25, 2006

The Few. The Proud.


The Septuagen-arines.

The picture above is a famous optical illusion.

If you look at it one way, you'll see a young woman in 4/5 profile.

If you look at it another way, you'll see an old woman in full profile.

What I didn't know until today was that there's apparently a third alternative interpretation of this visual puzzle.

Apparently when some people look at it...

...they see this.

From the Boston Globe.

Marines try to recruit 78-year-old woman

March 25, 2006

SAUGUS, Calif. --Sonia Goldstein was flattered by the nice recruiting letter asking her to consider becoming one of "the few, the proud." But at age 78, she believes she's just a little old to enlist in the U.S. Marine Corps.

"I couldn't believe it," Goldstein told KCAL-TV on Friday. "My girls were sitting here ... we were in hysterics, we laughed so hard."

The letter told her the corps could use her unique language skills, but also warned that life as a Marine would test her physical and mental abilities "beyond anything you've ever known."

"There I am with my walker. I can't maneuver from here to there without it," said Goldstein, who added that her only language is English.

"I'll do whatever I could for this wonderful country we live in," she said. "But you know, this is kind of stretching it a bit."

The Marines ordinarily recruit people 18 to 27, said Maj. Joseph Kloppel, a corps spokesman. He said the letter must have been sent by mistake.

"Seventy-eight is obviously too old," Kloppel added.

This is obviously a funny, little mistake: What turns it into a “story” that made it into the Globe is the context.

The fact that after three years of disgraceful incompetence and lies, the Bush White House has succeeded in grinding down our armed forces to the breaking point.

Consider the cycle of denial and how fast it's spinning now.

First, some pundit asserts that recruitment is so fucked that we're now thinking of stop-lossing our soldiers into infinity. Or that since the 101st Chairborne who begged for this war refuse to step up and serve their Dear Leader with their bodies, the military is now going to be forced to lower its standards -- again -- and begin taking the sick, the elderly, the dim-witted and the insane.

Second comes the ferocious "How Dare You Insult Our Brave Troops!" denial.

Third comes a loooong silence.

Fourth, quietly, the military extends the tours of duty for our soldiers for another year and lowers its standards -- again -- and begins taking the sick, the elderly, the dim-witted and the insane.

Then we reset the pins and bowl another round.

So small wonder this story made the papers.

Three years ago, if you'd stopped a random citizen on the street and said, "Did you hear the Marines are recruiting senior citizens?", the answer would probably have been, "Bullshit."

Now, as we enter the fourth year of George and Dick's Excellent Iraqi Adventure, I'd be willing to wager that if you stopped a random citizen on the street and posed them the same question, the answer might very well be, "No shit."

When the Prezit comes


as a thief in the night.

When the undisputed Dear Leader of the Republican Party has to slip in through the Man-On-Doggy-Door to sneak into a Republican Fundraiser for a Republican Senator in a Republican State for fear of startling the citizenry by tipping his hand and to the Evil Media the Vital National Sekrit that he is a Republican...

...then one may be forgiven for speculating that all is not well in Republican Never-Never Land.

Reader “John” sent this along.


Santorum gets Bush aid, quietly

A private Pa. fund-raiser today reflects both the President's clout and his low poll numbers.
By Steve Goldstein
Inquirer Washington Bureau

WASHINGTON - President Bush is coming to Pennsylvania today to help Republican Sen. Rick Santorum in his reelection fight.

But unless you're invited to the Sewickley Heights home of Pittsburgh-area industrialist Richard P. Simmons, you won't see them together.

As Santorum's campaign against likely Democratic opponent Bob Casey Jr. heats up, the junior senator is trying to maintain a delicate balance in his relationship with Bush, whose popularity is at the lowest point of his presidency.

Increasingly, in some ways bold and others subtle, Santorum is trying to set himself apart from the White House while not alienating the GOP faithful whose support for Bush has been unwavering.

At the same time, the senator recognizes that Bush can deliver a commodity that is more tangible than star power: campaign cash.

"President Bush is not an asset in terms of swing voters," said Chris Borick, a political scientist and pollster at Muhlenberg College. "He's a tremendous asset in terms of fund-raising."


Santorum's balancing act is particularly tricky for the No. 3 Republican in the Senate, who has supported administration positions 98 percent of the time.

"Santorum has tried to get a measure of distance, while knowing that he has to be credible," said G. Terry Madonna, director of the Keystone Poll at Franklin and Marshall College. "You can't eliminate five years of history."

Madonna said that no senator had been more closely identified with the President's cultural agenda. "It makes it more difficult for Santorum to move away," he said.
Borick agreed, noting the senator's avid support for Bush's Social Security plan last year.

But wait. There’s more

Santorum is not the only Republican candidate walking this tightrope.

On Monday, New Jersey GOP senatorial candidate Thomas H. Kean Jr. arrived late for a campaign event in Newark featuring Vice President Cheney. Kean blamed traffic for missing Cheney's appearance. When asked if he supported White House policies, Kean replied: "This campaign is going to be about the people of New Jersey."

Bwahaha!

Run, bitches.

Run faster!

Run backwards!

Run clapping and shrieking, “I may or may not believe in Tinkerbell” all the way off the cliff.

Because Bush and Cheney have made their political bones hiding behind the bones of actual, dead Americans.

It is, in the end, all they have, and all they have ever had.

They’ve skulked in their partisan sniper’s nest for five years, cowering beneath the skirts of Osama Bin Laden and screaming “Traitor” at anyone that whispered a discouraging word, or pointed out the fact that they have repeatedly broken the laws of the United States and lied to the American people about matters of life and death.

They hide their crimes and stink behind a wall of fear they are constantly tuckpointing with alerts and speeches, and the Republican Congress hides behind them, noses pressed so close to the Chief Executive Poop-chute that they can tell you whether the White House chef used brown eggs or white in the Presidential waffle batter that morning.

But now that Dubya’s numbers have fallen off the face of the Earth, the Second Coming of Ronald Reagan is fast becoming “George W. who?”, and suddenly every Republican running for office outside of the safest GOP precincts of Mordor is Peter in the courtyard:

69 “Now Peter was sitting outside in the courtyard. One of the maids came over to him and said, "You too were with Bush on Social Security.”

70 But he denied it in front of everyone, saying, "I do not know what you are talking about!"

71 As he went out to the gate, another girl saw him and said to those who were there, "This man’s was Dubya’s hemorrhoid cushion in 2004."

72 Again he denied it with an oath, "I do not know the man!"

73 A little later the bystanders came over and said to Peter, "Surely you too are one of them; even your speech gives you away."

74 At that he began to curse and to swear, "I do not know the man."

And immediately a mehlman crowed.

Sorry gentlemen, but after five years of being the Emperor’s Neutered, Rubberstamping Underoos, ain’t a chance in hell you’re gonna reformat your mushy skulls in the next few, short months into looking like anything other than a plaster cast of Bush’s ass-crack.

Because after five years in the Age of Dubya, you get to be either a Good Republican or a Good American, but you can no longer be both.

I didn’t lie


‘cause yesterday never happened.

Bush Impeachment Hearing -- Day 44: At which The Bicycle Chief suddenly announces that the charges and trial are both ridiculous because, “It's just the same shit over and over and over again. I’ll go to sleep tonight, and tomorrow I’ll wake up, and it’ll be the same as today.

And all y’all will have forgotten everything.

Well, Fox will anyway.”

He then added that calling one “Punxsucheney Dick” as a witness will help clarify things.

“Dick’s the smart one,” Dubya exclaimed peevishly. “Ah juss drive.”

Friday, March 24, 2006

From Box Turtle Ben’s Novel-In-Progress:


Moby Dick Doby Mick.

Now that he has been kerbooted into the exurbs of Jayson Blairville, word has it that Box Turtle Ben has had to dust off his unfinished opus and hurry things up to fall back on the "controversial author" dodge before people forget his name and he sinks back into the wingnut ooze.

The galley proofs are circulating. Here's a sample...
Chapter 1: “Loomings. Or what I did during my eleven minutes on the WaPo payroll.”

Call me, uh, Pishmael.

Yeah…”Pishmael.”

Anyway…

Some years ago- never mind how long precisely- having little or no money in my purse, and nothing particular to interest me on shore at Hooters, I thought I would sail blog about a little and see the watery Red State part of the world. It is a way I have of venting driving off the spleen and boosting regulating the circulation.

Whenever I find myself growing grim about the mouth; whenever it is a damp, drizzly November in my soul; whenever I find myself involuntarily pausing before coffin warehouses, and bringing up the rear of every funeral I meet; and especially whenever my hypos get such an upper hand of me, that it requires a strong moral principle to prevent me from deliberately stepping into the street, and methodically slandering and insulting African Americans knocking people's hats off -- then, I account it high time to get to sea blogging and plagarizing as soon as I can.

This is my substitute for pistol and ball having no balls.

With a philosophical flourish Cato WaPo throws himself upon his itself upon its sword; I quietly take to the ship noisily take to the paper. There is nothing surprising in this. If they but knew it, almost all men not-so-closeted-racists in their degree, some time or other, cherish very nearly the same feelings towards the ocean brown people with me.

There now is your insular city of the Manhattoes Main Stream Media, belted round by wharves Rightwing Apologists as Indian isles by coral reefs- commerce surrounds it with her surf. Right and left, the streets Right Wing Stenographers take you waterward Raptureward…

So can I please have my sweet, sweet gig at the WaPo now?

Oh, and for those keeping score at home, that’s two (2) “Moby” posts in three days, a phenomenon for which I have no explanation, but on which Box Turtle Ben expounds at great length in the Chapter 42:
“The Whiteness of the Redstate Male.”

Magic Mousies


Made Me Do It!

Bush Impeachment Hearing -- Day 37: At which Emperor Dewars finally switches his plea from Magic, Sekrit, Trans-Constitutional Powers to diminished capacity and asks if he can please just go home clear some brush now...

Look Who’s Balking II


Unspiraling the double-helix of GOP DNA, it seems perfectly clear that both halves of the Party of God are still getting their marching orders fresh from from the White House Rec Room.

Different codes for different nodes, of course, but like the Mendacity Extrusion and Molding factory that it is, the GOP bullshit machine can sometimes seem to make little sense when viewed in grainy snapshots -- a conveyor belt moving raw sewage from somewhere to somewhere else, next to a pic of women in smocks and crosses tearing condoms in half, chock-a-block with images of dead American soldiers.

Just…Dada.

But when viewed in its totality?

From that vantage it is a very efficient Abattoir of the American Dream staffed by smiling Christopaths working elbow-to-elbow with bigots and bankers to snuff this nation out and replace it with something dark and fearful and vicious.

So, on the one hand we find the Rubberstamping Fist of the Party – the larcenists formerly known as the United States Congress -- acting in its role as Presidential Prison Bitch and whipped-spouse-enabler of White House criminality. Beseeching us all not to notice that it has jettisoned any pretense of interest in the idea of a check and balance against an Imperial President on a rampage through the Bill of Rights, and has decided instead to go all-in with the whole crazy, faith-based worldview and just go into its new business.

Simony II: This Time It’s Congressional.

Look here for a more, uh, peppery description of the first pass at Simony the GOP tried to palm off as the Pure Quill. Namely just ignoring Dubya’s Big Crime Party, which of course only encouraged the Toddler Prezit to struggle further and mightier to find the limits of law-breakiness up with which his Party would put.

Which turns out is up to and including announcing on the teevee machine that he had, in fact, broken the law repeatedly and did, in fact, intend to do so again.

Now on the old “Dragnet” teevee program, that’s what Joe Friday would have called “the easiest fucking confession we ever got out of any cocksucking skell in the history of this show, right Bill?”

And then able partner, Bill Gannon, would say, “A-fucking-men, Joe.”

And then would come the perp montage of Dubya, Cheney and most of the Cabinet…followed by 26 minutes of perky organ music, ‘cause the show would have been o-v-e-r.

But that was long ago and far away, in a fictional LAPD that hardly ever beat anyone into a coma.

In the here and now, a mere public, Prime Time, televised confessions of past felonies and intent to conspire to commit future felonies is not enough to elicit even a death-rattle-fart of disapproval on the part of the jellyfish congress.

Au Contraire!


THE FIX IS IN FOR BUSH
SENATE RACES TO MAKE THE ILLEGAL LEGAL

ACROSS the U.S. capital, lawmakers are scurrying from pillar to post in a frantic effort to put lipstick on a pig.

In an attempt to rein in the Bush administration and its cowboy tactics with the illegal wiretapping of Americans making calls overseas, various Republicans are floating proposed legislation that would make the president's actions legal.

Ohio Sen. Mike DeWine is proposing exempting the warrantless surveillance program from the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act, which determines who and under what circumstances the government can spy inside U.S. borders. In general the law has explicitly prohibited the government from sneaking a listen into the phone calls of American citizens without approval from the federal intelligence court.

To our mind, the surveillance act has been good law. It gives the government the go-ahead to spy, even without a warrant, on Americans suspected of helping terrorists, so long as the government gets one within 72 hours.

DeWine, however, wants to give the administration even more time - 45 days. Which makes us wonder why he didn't just give the Bush team an entire year.


Senate Intelligence Chairman Pat Roberts is also mulling legislation and is reportedly annoyed that his committee is being ignored. He wants any bill that passes out of Specter's Judiciary Committee to be reviewed by the Intelligence Committee.

To us, this is mopping up after spilled milk, while the guy who spilled it, the president, gets off with a smirk.

Rather than trying to fix a law that wasn't broken until Bush decided to break it, Congress should be considering censuring the president. Otherwise the message from Congress to future presidents will be break any law you want.

We've got your back.


They view this as a fabulous “Trollops On Parade!” opportunity to scrub off the last vestiges of shill-moral-hectoring rhetoric which with they were so incredibly lavish just one, short Administration ago, trick themselves out in their crotchless hearings, bottomless earmarks and taxi-shoes and see which among them can out-slut the others.

They do this by taking the bold step of codifying their informal Master-Slave relationship with the White House and taking up the matter of issuing actual Presidential Indulgences for crimes already committed.

And in the act of sprinkling Magical Faery Forgivenesses upon their Dear Leader for using the Constitution as ass-floss and then rubbing their faces in the brown stripe, they also consent -- now and forever -- to be publicly “Cheneyed”: Shot in the face by a drunk and then forced to apologize to that drunk for having the temerity to get in the way of his felony.

That’s one side of the whorehouse: The money/power/legislative side.

And working the other side of the same wharf, is Dainty David Brooks.

Plying his mushy, wistful trade, in this little gem of a turd entitled, “A Vision, Bruised and Dented.”

If you wanted to put these changes in a nutshell, you'd say the Republicans have gone from soaring Bushian universalism to nervous, dumbed-down Huntingtonism.

Just over a year ago, Republicans were thrilling to the lofty sentiments of President Bush's second inaugural: that freedom is God's gift to humanity, that people everywhere hunger for liberty. To explain his efforts to democratize the Middle East, Bush hit all the high notes of the American creed, while not dwelling much on the intricacies and stubbornness of foreign cultures.

Today, many Republicans have lost patience with Bush's high-minded creedal statements. Like the Harvard political scientist Samuel Huntington, they have come to believe that culture matters most. Lofty notions about universal liberty splinter on the shoals of Arab customs.
...

In the realm of foreign affairs, we have seen the rise of what Richard Lowry of National Review calls the " 'To Hell With Them' Hawks." These, Lowry writes, "are conservatives who are comfortable using force abroad, but have little patience for a deep entanglement with the Muslim world, which they consider unredeemable, or at least not worth the strenuous effort of trying to redeem."


Finally, there is the issue of domestic poverty. Hurricane Katrina rekindled a brief resurgence of compassionate conservatism, at least for President Bush. But Republicans in Congress were having none of it. They appropriated the money they had to, but they had no confidence that the federal government could do anything effective to transform the culture of poverty: the out-of-wedlock births, the family breakdowns and so on.

In short, Republicans seem to have gone from believing that culture is nothing, to believing that culture is everything — from idealism to fatalism in the blink of an eye.
...

European conservatives from Edmund Burke to Michael Oakeshott usefully remind us of the power of culture and tradition. But American conservatives — from Hamilton to Reagan — have never taken that path precisely because they believe in the power of the American creed, precisely because they have an Enlightenment faith in the power of reason to change minds.

Oh my my, where to even begin with this slurry of straw men, mental lard and whinging nostalgia for a Glorious Conservative Past that never was, except to note the reason why I co-joined Roberts and Brooks in one post: because they are what the Republican Party has been reduced to.

Two-bucks-a-wank skanks, each working their own specialty, but both – all – in the stable of the same Unitary Executive Pimp.

Bobo presents himself here, Voguing his usual studied and highly-practiced pose of pious obliviousness ‘neath the flickering gas-lamps, tricked out in a thousand, feculent journalistic petticoats, wondering where all that “poo smell” is coming from.

While whizzing all around him like a school of blood-drunk land sharks -- close enough to tatter and flutter Bobo’s flounces -- cruise a veritable mob of Rippers. Red State Jacks and Republican Leather Aprons, decapitating and then tax-cutting the kidneys out of one vital department and program after another.

Picnicking on the misery and want they inflict on the many for the sake of the comfort of the very few.

Leering at dead New Orleans.

Laughing as the planet melts.

Blooding each other’s hollow faces with the remains of slain soldiers, dead for lack of a sane mission, a competent leader and material enough to keep them from their losing their limbs and lives in this idiotic war.

“soaring Bushian universalism”?

Who but a human vacant-lot ever believed that for a minute? Bush was elected and then reelected by a team of the most divisive, reptilian, strategists in modern political history by appealing to an confederacy of hatreds, bigotries and Suicide Jebusism who saw him as the delivery system for the overthrow of the United States government.

Period.

“Just over a year ago, Republicans were thrilling to the lofty sentiments of President Bush's second inaugural…”

Are you fucking kidding me?! The eleven minute speech were Dubya repeated the word “Freedom” 198 times and Cheney looked like he nodded off for half of it?

Can you find one Republican that can remember one line from it who doesn’t work as a White House stenographer?

Does Brooks believe even half of what he writes anymore?

The punctuation?

Anything?

Because the only thing memorable about Bush/Cheney 2004 was its soaring vulgarity.

It’s willingness to air-lift a backhoe into the White House basement to bore into the D.C. bedrock, because there were possibly depths to which they had not yet sunk in order to win.

It was an repulsive spectacle replete with death threats again America’s children if their parents voted wrong, and made possible only because a vast majority of the GOP Electorate were actually pig-ignorant enough to still believed that Saddam Hussein planned 9/11, that the Earth is 6,000 years old, and Infallible Angels guide the steps of the Dear Leader.

“Hurricane Katrina rekindled a brief resurgence of compassionate conservatism, at least for President Bush.”

“Rekindled”? Are you shitting me?

Republicans believe in the elimination of the Government, and have been chiseling and blasting away at its foundation stones for years.

Katrina did nothing more or less that give Americans a prequel of the world that Conservatives are preparing for them.

And it scared the Holy Hell out of -- among others -- viscous-spined “they don’t really mean it” White House apologists like Brooks.

But of course, they do mean it.

Iraq is precisely what NeoCon and Fundamentalist Foreign Policy looks like when it’s allowed to metastasize outside of their circle-jerk think tanks.

Katrina is exactly the fantasy of a post-government, pre-Rapture Utopia on which Libertarians and Christopaths both spend their noxious seed.

And when the nation freaked out, the White House did what they always do; copied, pasted and "repurposed" some glib nonsense from the 2000 Campaign into the TelePrompTer, had Bush strap on his “I Wuuuuv You” face, and hope that the rubes would forget these promises that they never had any intention of honoring to begin with.

“Today, many Republicans have lost patience with Bush's high-minded creedal statements.”

Ahhh! So that’s the problem! The High-Minded, “Sekrit Genius” George Bush is being deserted by his disloyal retainers.

Well, it is a terrible thing to lose one’s mind, especially when you run it into a creedal and get it all banged up.

Bad orcs! Bad, bad orcs!

“But American conservatives…have an Enlightenment faith in the power of reason to change minds.”

And

“In short, Republicans seem to have gone from believing that culture is nothing, to believing that culture is everything — from idealism to fatalism in the blink of an eye.”

Like a week-old-dead-clown, Bobo manages to be both amusing and nauseating at the same time.

No, Mr. Brooks, the anthracite soul of your Party hasn’t fundamentally moved one inch in the last three decades, it's just gotten more and more brutally proficient at implementing and capitalizing on the same, loathsome strategy year after year.

Your Southern Strategy Party welcomes, waters, fertilizes and then cross-breeds new generations racists, Bobo…as a matter of policy.

Your Lee Atwater/Karl Rove-addiction keeps the air full of bile, the communal well of culture full of poison, and the nation at each other’s throats for no other reason than partisan gain…as a matter of policy.

Maybe in whatever fart-propaganda-rebreathing Bell Jar you call home, Mr. Brooks, your ravings sound reasonable. But out here in the Real World you simply sound insane.

Your “analysis” bears no relationship to any country, party or movement I have ever heard of outside of, oh, maybe, lurid "Shocking True Collectivist Sex Slave Stories!!" in the yellowing pages of "The Objectivist" magazine circa 1961.

Out here in the Real World, even your own Party’s founders flinch in horror at the irrefutable fact that your Party is now owned an operated by an raving mad cult of anti-Enlightenment/pro-Dark Ages freaks who think of the End of the World as an action plan.

To the left them are the racists, and to the right, the “Fuck ‘Em All” libertarians.

That’s your Party, Mr. Brooks.

Your Party, your movement and your dogma, which have now shown themselves to be so spectacularly corrupt, and on a scale so massive, it’s hard to gauge how deep the cancer goes.

What is clear is that Republican Conservativism has failed.

Republican Conservativism has failed because when given a chance to express itself fully, cities die.

Republican Conservativism has failed because once it gets its stinking paws on the helm of the Ship of State, it rams the nation into reckless and incompetent war.

Republican Conservativism has failed because it would rather the world perish than pay to save it.

But like the Commies before you, Bobo, you are almost congentially incapable of facing up to the idea that your Holy Writ is toxic, intoxicating, theoretical drivel that will always come to tears when applied to the Real World.

And so, like the Commies, you comfort yourself by whimpering that the Plan was perfect; it was the People that failed.

The Dear Leader was Great; it was the Peasants that let him down.

That there is nothing wrong with the disaster Republican Conservatives have wrought that a steaming load of More Republican Conservativism can’t fix.

With is why, in the end, the likes of David Brooks and Pat Roberts will always find their way into each other’s arms out behind the barn where no one looks.

Because men like Roberts wants the change the law to make Bush’s criminality retroactively licit, and men like Brooks wants to change the subject to make Reality the criminal and Dubya the victim.

Whores both, and the price men like these exact in American blood and treasure for their wretched social experiment is far to high to bear any longer.

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Because everyone needs a smile today

I shamelessly nicked this from Susie Bright's Journal, because you know I'm all about the shameless.

It requires no gilding whatsoever, except a "Thank You" and a "Happy Birthday" to the sublime Ms. Bright (in whose global birthday card contest there is a still a vanishingly small chance that I might be in the running. So I've got that going for me.)

So Rock and Roll, kids, and have a glorious day!

Side Two, Abbey Road, Gobsmacked




And, in the end,
The love you take...







This is Chris Bliss. And here is a large version of the same thing, if you want to open your eyes even wider!

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

NOOOOLA!


When the powerful lose their minds, especially when they're despicable, it is not a cause for celebration.

It's a tragedy for everyone in the blast radius.

Right now, as we watch, the President of the United States is losing his marbles, and soon he'll be taking a Very Long vacation, because George Bush is no kinda man for a fight.

Never has been.

Oh, he has always been willing to strut and preen and wave the bloody shirt...as long as other men -- better men -- do the actual dying. Or as long as Rove slithered up behind them and shivved them in the kidneys first so his Master could do victory laps over their broken bodies.

But one-on-one? Man-to-man?

Never gonna happen. Because at his core Dubya is a coward. An effete weakling, bred to sneering privilege who has always had a massive and pricey buffer between him and the ruin he inflicts.

But now the Devil is at the door with papers to serve, and won’t be fobbed off on underlings or flaks.

Reality is patiently whamming away at gate the with great, stone fists, and like the beating of that terrible Telltale Heart, the pounding just keeps getting louder.

This from Steve Gilliard regarding Dubya’s melt-in-his-suit-not-in-your-mouth weirdness behind the podium yesterday covers it pretty well, but I think it can apply longitudinally to his performance since the day he took office, and certainly since the first Presidential Debate in 2004.

...
Oh, I agree. President Hastert will be withdrawing what is left of US troops. I don't think Bush has another six months of sanity in him. And Cheney lies about his health like Doyle Brunson lies about his poker hands.

I don't think Bush sees 2009 in the White House. I don't think he has it in him. Too much is up in the air for Bush to not have something land on him with both feet, my bet is the collapse of the Iraqi "government", but it could be a Rove indictment or Abramoff or illegal spying. Bush has problems everywhere and no resiliency to deal with them.

And I think something else, as the election draws near, people are going to be far more willing to elect people willing to impeach him.

There was a LOT of caterwalling on the left about Russ Feingold's censure move. Which I think was smart to get in the open, but WAY too early to really vote on. People are used to the idea. It will come up again.

I don't think we'll get to impechment. Because Bush is a weak man, a man living in a fantasy world. America is living in Bush's Days of Wine and Roses.

When you're a young man, being a drunk playboy is cute. Bush had some sharp, mean edges to him which made it less appealing, but still, as Prince Hal, he was tolerable. But as a leader, he's more MacBeth than Henry V, with Dick Cheney as Lady MacBeth, pushing him on to further crimes.

People say he's going to blame the liberals or the media, but that won't work. Bush pushed this war way past its sellby date to the point where he's delusional, where jokes about Army Group Steiner make more sense every day.
...

Bush is, in the words of Hunter Thompson, "a weak-minded frat boy who cracks under pressure in front of 60 million voters." A vicious, core-less, rudderless dry-drunk who simply cannot function in power without acres of cotton-batting yes-men and reality-dampers to giving him a nice, fat, soft cushion against The Real.

But his decision to sacrifice the safety and good name of the United States and lie us into a war for profit, partisan gain, and to appease the "Apocalypse Now!" Dominionist who bear his Party on their backs and the Neocons and Oligarchs who write the checks -- and all that has unfolded from that Primal, Original Sin – stripped that ablative shielding away.

Iraq was the liquid oxygen that froze the Bush Presidency into a fragile, inert, dead simulacra of a functional government.

And Katrina was the Hammer that smashed it into dust and the flinders.

And while it is a terrible and frightening thing to see a President lose his grip on reality, my hope is that before he slips forever in Funnyville and is bundled off to Crawford like a talentless, GOP Syd Barrett one can at least hope that, as the last of the props are stripped away and the last of the sycophants jump ship to pen exciting “What I Saw During The Final Days” bunker-dramas, that Dubya is forced by the scruff of his neck to stand face-to-face with the terrible truth he has spent his life dodging:

That the failure and disasters that tumble one into another like dominoes and radiate out from him in every direction have many co-executive producers, Best Boys, key grips and Foley artists.

But in the end, only one Author.

And his name is George Walker Bush.

Strange Moods


Yield strange results.

From the single, "South Side", bastardized and repurposed for reasons that aren't entirely clear even to me (but I'll betcha a shiny, new dime it's all subliminal and nocturnal and powerful dirty...)

“Dark Side.”

See myself in my Master’s Face

See myself as the Master Race
See myself in the gorgeous oil
I watch my flesh begin to spoil

Here we are now going to the dark side
I pick up my friends and we start to lie
Lie all night, we lie all day
Some may come


and some may stay



Here we are in the Awe and Shock
I watch kids die for my Nuclear Crock
I watch the crude where my soul used to be
I watch the blight come over me

Here we are now with our nuts in a vice

Weapons in hand, but now we think twice
Some may come and some may stay
Watching out for a sunny day

where there's…

Rove and darkness and my sidearm

Hey, elan

Here we are now going to Tehran next
I look at my friends and they start to look vexed

Fuck you little bitches, and your mortal dread.
Haven’t you figured out that I’m already dead?


Here we are now, gonna off half the Earth
For sitting on shit that’s worth more that they’re worth
Then we’ll scope out the assets of Heaven and Hell:
God’s Throne ripped aside for a sleek Exxon Well.

Here we are now going to the Dark Side…

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

My blog -- The early days:


Before I sorta got the hang of it.

So I woke up today, screaming -- like I always do -- from this nightmare that I was a finalist competing in the same category as James Wolcott.

And then I realized that I just had had too much Yoo-hoo before bednights and had to pee, so I hopfooted it down the castle halls until I found the head...

(Oh please let it have been the head.

Or I'm gonna have to do that whole load of dainties all over again.

And the cat will never let me live it down, what with me recently and severely harshing her catnip-mellow over making willful and premeditated wee-wee on my couch.)

Anyway, since I was up already I checked my email for death threats and penis enlargement bargains and found to my simultaneous horror and cautious delight that 'twas true.

No, not the urinating in the washing machine bit. The other bit.

So here I am -- Koufax Finalist for Best Writing.

One of the Dirty Dozen, along with the following, stellar writers…
Michael Berube Online

By Neddie Jingo

Courting Destiny

Creek Running North: Chris Clarke

Firedoglake: ReddHedd

Hullabaloo: Digby

I Blame the Patriarchy: Twisty Faster

Majikthise: Lindsay Beyerstein

Suburban Guerrilla: Susie Madrak

Unclaimed Territory: Glenn Greenwald


...and the aforementioned Mr. Wolcott -- He Who Can Incise Lyrical Invective Into Titanium...using only every other consonant North of the letter “M” in the English alphabet and any three punctuation marks of your choosing.

(And for Christ's Sake don’t tell him I told you, but I have heard it reliably reported that once, during August of 1983, at CBGB, James Wolcott forced seventeen men to form a human pyramid and an eighteenth to defenestrate himself from the top of it using only an umlaut. Swear to God. I have a cousin who knows a guy who was dating a woman that was there!)

Stepping into -- or even being accidentally choppered into -- any arena with Wolcott is tantamount to Tom Waits’ Chocolate Jesus wandering into CERNs Large Electron-Positron Collider during the smashy part: A situation which presents an ample opportunity for having one’s ass slagged in various amusing configurations if one takes it very seriously, and scant prospect for anything else.

So, while embracing and celebrating the fact that I’m gonna lose like George McGovern...in a prom dress...leading an Easter Sunday "Taliban Abortionist Pride Parade" down the main street of Pierre, South Dakota, I must also admit that fluking into the same neighborhood as these brilliant writers does , in fact, afford me four opportunities that I may not have had otherwise.

So WTF...

First, for reasons too tedious to go into, this has occasioned me to comb back through the 530 posts I have done in the last 11 months and come up with a handful of my favorites.

Not a “Best Of” list, and not necessarily those that have gotten the most attention or elicited the most feedback, but ones that I liked for one reason or another, in eight of the categories where I tend to focus my attention.

And since there may be a wee bit of an uptick in readership in the next few days, I thought I’d let you have a look at what I think stood out in each of those categories.

Here is that list and those topics:

On Doing Unto Others

On Conservative Fear

On Tom Friedman being an ass

On Activism

On Bush

On Cheney

On why David Brooks is a waste of carbon

On those fucking Moderates

Second, since this might garner some attention outside of my normal traffic patterns, let me say unambiguously here and now that I am in the market for a paying writing gig, doing what I do.

Banging out a column or two per week (give or take) on topics of interest to me for dough.

If you need a resume, take a look at the eight examples above.

If that’s not sufficient, then forget about it.

I don’t write on spec and I don’t write for pennies; I write either for my own pleasure, or for compensation commensurate with my skills. If you can’t swing that, then don’t waste my time.

And “time” is really what this is all about.

My paying gigs collectively keep the wolf from my door and the odd dram of Oban in my glass, but they also keep me on a punishing schedule which leaves me little energy or time to do what I enjoy doing, which is stuff like this. So the trick is to find a way to buy back some of my own time, which is something a paying writing gig would afford.

And since I’ve got this blog and all, seemed kinda stupid not to use it to put some feelers out :-)

Third, a strong “Thank You” again to the people that expend their valuable time to come by, read my words, comment and converse so thoughtfully and passionately, and send some positive joss back my way.

I appreciate it more than you know.

And fourth, sincere thanks to Steve Gilliard and Jen, who gave me a fine bloghome to grow up in, and who then urged me to get the fuck out and seek my own fortune.

So far, so good.