Tuesday, February 27, 2024

Science Fiction University Episode 23: The Maltese Falcon

All episodes available at our Science Fiction University website here.

Today In "Both Sides Don't" News

Q:  What's more addictive than meth, more profitable than iPhones. more indestructible than Kevlar and easier to make than Top Ramen?

A: Garbage Both Siderist opinions.

"Both Sides Do It" is easily the biggest of the Big Lies.  The Big Lie that enables all the little lies. From trying to sound smart at the office, to propping up an entire political media ecosystem, it's a lie that's perfect for all circumstances and occasions.  

Since the very earliest days of the blogosphere, we Liberals have spilled tens of millions of pixels debunking the Big Lie of Both Sides Do It, week in and week out, year in and year out, decade in and  decade out.  And we have actually made some progress, so "Yay!" for us.

And yet, when cornered, what is still the first tool the worst people always reach for?

From Crooks and Liars via Media Matters for America:

BRIAN KILMEADE (CO-HOST): I think both candidates have to realize this, that if on the left, if Joe Biden listens to the squad, he loses. And I think if Donald Trump listens to Matt Gaetz and Steve Bannon he loses. They have to understand that most of the people are not on the extremes, and that if you can understand that you are going to win. The first one to understand that, and does what they think they should do, and not what the extremists are bullying them to do, is going to be successful.

Remember kids, Both Sides Don't.

Pass it on.

I Am The Liberal Media

Saturday, February 24, 2024

Thousands and Thousands and Thousands

Here's a exciting gladiatorial contest that the whole family would enjoy, except that it'll never happen.

The graphic above represents the spectrum of Republican party/Conservative movement as it existed around 2016.

On the left is Joe "Joey Muskets" Walsh.  Failed, one-term congressman from Illinois and blustering, shoutycracker MAGA Trump guy until late 2017/early 2018 who we call "Joey Muskets" because he was forever grabbin' his musket and rushing off to fight on the barricades of whatever wingnut idiocy was hot shit that week. 

On the right is Mr. David Brooks of The New York Times about whom I have written on this blog once or twice :-)

If there exists a noumenal ideal of the smug, clueless, Beltway fraud, it's Mr. David Brooks. who despite being profoundly wrong about everything all the time has nonetheless built himself a very lucrative and influential cottage industry feeding Both Siderist bullshit to wealthy, cosseted ideological shut-ins.

For his entire career, David Brooks has maintained that bellicose goofs like Joey Muskets either did not exist at all, or were nothing but an admittedly loud but teeny tiny irrelevant fringe of his Republican party.

For Joey Muskets, Brooks was just the sort of RINO squish Beltway quisling who was always collaborating with the Libtards to deny real Murrican patriots their FREEDUMB!!

Both are men.  Both are white.  Both are on their second marriages.  Both are 62 years old as of this writing.  Both claim to be "Conservative" whatever the hell that means anymore.  Both make some or all of their living as professional opinion-havers on various media platforms.  And, of interest to us today, both of them base their claim to a place in the media spotlight on their own, special signature insight into the hearts and minds and souls of "the people".  

Especially "voter" people.  

Very especially Republican voter people.   Thousand and thousands of Republican voter people.  

Here's just a couple of such claims made by Joey Muskets:

And, in diametric opposition, here is David Brooks last night on the PBS News Hour responding to Jack Posobiec at CPAC saying "We're here to overthrow [democracy] completely. We didn't get all the way there on January 6, but we will endeavor to get rid of it and replace it with this right here." then holding up a cross and saying "Replace it with this."

Brooks:  Yes, it's meant to be — I mean, there's a game right-wing commentators of that sort play.  They get — they say something that offends the left, and then they could say, oh, the left hates me. And then they get popular in their own crowd, and so it's a form of performance art to shock the bourgeoisie.
And I take it with utmost cynicism, that they are just trying to get attention, and this kind of humor is, shock the left. And then I have owned the libs. So I think it's like, crass, stupid. 

Do I think it represents the thousands of Trump voters I have interviewed? 

No, none of them would talk like that.  They're all serious people who have serious views that I happen to disagree with, but they're not like that kind of guy at CPAC.

With Brooks, it's the Tea Party all over again.  Brooks' career is defined by a truly superhuman refusal to see his Republican party and his Conservative movement as they truly are.  Which is why, back in 2010, he turned the act of jogging past one group of protesters into a deep, sociological proof that the Tea Baggers were all the salt of the Earth and not even a little bit racist.  

Even when the turn of events became so tectonic that they brought all of his bullshit crashing down,  briefly prying his eyes open and moving him to swear to his employers that he would do better and get out of his bubble and touch indians and see the mountains and the valleys and the whole rest of that song -- 

-- at his earliest opportunity he snapped right back to being "Both Sides Do It" David because he is psychologically and professionally incapable of being anything else.

So, I propose that PBS or NPR or the WWE bring these two mopes together in a televised, sanctioned Thunderdome of disputation to determine which of them has actually talked to thousands and thousands of Trump supporters, on what day and at which Ohio diner. 

The winner will be awarded the "True Conservative" belt, even though I have a very strong feeling the answers to those three questions are going to be "neither", "never" and "none".  

And you know what?  I won't even insist that, because it's my idea, I get to officiate.

Instead I will content myself with sitting up in the cheap seats.

Eating popcorn.

And rooting for injuries.  

I Am The Liberal Media

Thursday, February 22, 2024

Professional Left Podcast Episode #781: Three Hundred Fifty-Five Million Dollars

“I don't want any messages saying 'I'm holding my position.' We're not holding a goddamned thing. We're advancing constantly and we're not interested in holding anything except the enemy's balls. We're going to hold him by his balls and we're going to kick him in the ass; twist his balls and kick the living shit out of him all the time. Our plan of operation is to advance and keep on advancing. We're going to go through the enemy like shit through a tinhorn.” -- George Patton


The Professional Left is brought to you by our wholly imaginary "sponsors" and real listeners like you!

Since I Already Wrote About The Inevitable Re-Rehabilitation of Mark Halperin Back In 2019...

 ...after I wrote about his attempted rehabilitation in 2017 ... 

... I  see no reason to once again waste perfectly good adjectives re-re-rewriting it now. 

This is why we OG bloggers have archives.  So I'm just going to link to all of that old stuff below and you can visit it, or revisit it, or not as you see fit.

This week's inciting incident began with Halperin humping the leg of one of the worst human beings to ever disgrace this Land of the Free.

In which Halperin launches his latest "Hey, remember me? I used to be bigtime!" moneygrab:
He also discusses his new platform, 2WAY. 2WAY is a live video platform that allows participants to take part in informative and civil conversations online with people from across the political spectrum.

Which, based on his history as a creepy sexpest, he probably should have called "Live from his NewsMax cubicle stabbin' cabin, it's 3WAY With Mark Halperin".  It is an invitation?  A threat?  

Then, having lubed up his pundit street cred by taking a roll in the podcast hay with an even bigger degenerate than himself, Halperin was ready to slip back into the periphery of the Bright Lights of the Big City with...Morning Joe.  

Squint Scarborough prepped his unsuspecting viewers by telling them that he had personally "looked at a Democratic focus group last night as it was going on" and it was "so fascinating on so many fronts".

A focus group led by...Mark Halperin over at the very important-sounding "The Wide World of News" but which, it turns out, is just Halperin's shitty little blog on Substack. 

Some mornings the internet can be an unbearable hellscape, but bless my soul if the reaction to Joey Joe Joe Junior trying to Halperin-roofie his audience wasn't swift and clear.

Dozens and dozens of Tweets like this.

Halperin had been a loyal housepet of the Morning Joe freakshow for years, and ever since he got sent to the media sexpest farm upstate, Squint and the Meat Puppet have tried over and over again to find a way to slip him back on the air.  One can only imagine the calls the Scarborough household gets at all hours from an increasingly desperate Halperin reminding them for the umpteenth time of what Great Friends they are, and How Much Value his creepy, robotic, always-tilting-Right presence brought to their show even though he didn't have to do it since he was Mr. Big Time Regular on Meet the Press.  

Also that the Iron Rule of the Beltway Media is that There is a Club, and that if all of us clowns and grifters don't stick together and cover for each other, The Club starts to lose cohesion and then we all go down.  

So, of you'd like to read a lot more about this awful person and the Beltway media crusade to rehabilitate him, here's the link.

And here's a link for those of you who may want to know why 75 powerful Democratic operatives were not interviewed for this post.

I Am The Liberal Media

Tuesday, February 20, 2024

Professional Left Podcast Episode #780: No Fair Remembering The Clinton Surplus

“The real question about the Bush tax cuts, then, is not, can we afford them? The real question is, Why are they so small?”
-- David "The Man Who Swore There Would Never Be Deficits Again" Brooks, 


The Professional Left is brought to you by our wholly imaginary "sponsors" and real listeners like you!

Dispensing an Unlimited Supply of Lies, Racism and Treason, 24/7/365

I Am The Liberal Media

Friday, February 16, 2024

A Solemn Promise From Me To You

You know, at the end of the day this is really just a small blog out here in the exurbs of media respectability.  Couple dozen or a few hundred readers a day, about which, after 19 years of dong this, I remain amazed and truly grateful.  

And our Professional Left podcast has a weekly listener total that's a mere fraction of The Bulwark's total haul.  And after 14 years, we are also truly grateful for each and every one of you.

We do not enjoy (and never will enjoy) the tens of millions dollars in free publicity and co-sponsorships from major cable news and print media outlets that made The Bulwark's huge listener base possible, so on behalf of our literal mom-and-pop media empire I can't promise you that we will ever be able to hire 30 staffers and production assistants and a dozen writers so that we can crank out three podcasts a day along with ten YouTube short and six newsletters, mostly telling you stuff you already know. 

Nor can we promise you that very soon not a day will go by when you will fail to see an employee of The Professional Left seated at an MSNBC Zoom panel, glaring back at you from your teevee, every hour on the hour.

Can't promise any of that.  

But what I can solemnly promise is that we will never, ever have Chris Fucking Cillizza on as an honored guest as we conduct the latest of twenty different thought experiments and gaming outs and bitch sessions and prattling claptrap roundtables about Joe Biden stepping aside.

Never, never, never, not ever.

And that is a driftglass promise from me to you.  

I Am The Liberal Media