Showing posts with label Boehner. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Boehner. Show all posts

Tuesday, April 20, 2021

Republicans in the Quantum Realm



 "What I am saying is... Time works differently in the Quantum Realm." -- Scott Lang, Avengers: Endgame 


Now that decades of the GOP's exponentially escalating mindless obstruction, sedition and treason have been (mostly) successfully memory-holed and buried, a number of out-of-power-but-still-an-asshole Republicans are clearly looking to rehabilitate their reputations and level up their places in the history books by using the Wingnut Quantum Realm to tunnel further and further into a completely imaginary past to discover that -- OMG! -- it was the Democrats who were responsible for fucked-up-ness of the GOP all along!

Specifically it was al the fault of the Kenyan Usurper that Democrats elected president.  

Twice.

Consider a few recent examples.

First, Linda Chavez, a consecrated servant in the temple of St. Reagan and the cringy. heavily-lacquered, mothball-smelling aunt who gives copies of Newt Gingrich's "Rediscovering God in America" to her nieces and nephews for Christmas.  Here, via Mona Charen's "Beg to Differ" podcast is how Linda Chavez "remembers" history and assigns responsibility for where we are today.

Chavez: We've had really dramatic legislation offered that is basically just sort of a rush to judgment. I mean it started, um, maybe there were examples before this, but one of the examples that I think was sort of the breaking point for a lot of Conservatives was the Affordable Care Act which, of course, was passed on a non-bipartisan basis.

Yep.  It was that damn Obamacare which Obama just rammed through willy-nilly without consulting anyone or seeking any Republican input.  

Of course that's a lie and everyone on the Left who lived through that period damn well knows it's a lie. Which is why Lefties who lived through that period are definitely not invited to participate in discussions like this.  Which is how the Liberal blogosphere came to be.  

And that's how babies are made!

But the thing is, I honestly do not know if Republicans like Chavez are capable of facing their own past honestly anymore.  They have been professional liars for the Republican Party their whole lives and lying in the service of depravity while presenting a moralizing, church-lady façade to the world is terribly corrosive to the soul.  

So maybe Linda Chavez has come to actually believe the shit she talks to keep the horror at what she has done with her life at bay, or maybe she doesn't.  I don't know.  What I do know is that there was not one person on that panel who felt moved to correct her ridiculous lies.  Instead there was a some pusillanimous handwaving about Both Sides and The Hatfields and The McCoys...and then they moved right on.

Since a million gallons of ink and a billion pixels have already been spilled documenting Obama's nearly-superhuman efforts to get any Republican to come to the ACA table in good faith (only to be stalled, scammed and ultimately told to pound sand) there seems little point at this late date in tossing a few more adjectives on that pile.  And the Never Trump goofs and superannuated "No Labels/Problem Solvers" old guard Left that make up the "Beg to Differ" waxworks don't want to hear it anyway.

However, if anyone out there is moved to screw with 'em just for the sake of screwing with 'em, here's the one hour and 25 minute video of Obama crashing the Republican Party summit in Baltimore 2010 and very calmly breaking down the ACA for them (sans TelePrompTer), fielding every question and saying very clearly that he would happily incorporate any or all of their ideas into the ACA as long as those ideas helped to expand health care coverage to include more people, improve outcomes and lowered costs.  And boy howdy did he catch them flat-footed.

Deeper into the Wingnut Quantum Realm we find Eric Cantor, fallen-from-grace former Republican Young!Gun!,  trying to ooze his way back to relevance by doing exactly what Linda Chavez did: burrowing into an imaginary recent past and inventing some way to blame the Scary Black Guy who still haunts the GOP's dreams.

Only instead of the ACA being blamed for the Congress being cast out of Bipartisanship Paradise, this time the original Democratic Sin that drove the GOP mad is the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act.  In case you've forgotten, the ARRA was the recovery plan that Obama and the Democrats in congress passed to begin to dig the country out from under the rubble of the Great Republican Recession: a recovery plan that experts now agree was far too skimpy for the scale of the disaster we were facing, and, in a bid to bring Republican on-board, was fully one-third sweet-sweet tax cuts.

Not a single House Republican voted for it, and only three Republicans in the Senate voted for it.  But damn if  they weren't all only too happy to stand in front of construction projects holding giant checks and taking credit for bringing much needed funds to their districts and states.

For example, Eric Cantor.  

From the Washington Monthly in April of 2009:

Cantor Can’t Claim Credit

In February, there were a few Republican lawmakers who claimed credit for spending projects in the stimulus bill they opposed. It was more than a little awkward — lawmakers usually don’t take credit for legislation they reject.

As spending increases, and new projects get underway, we may soon see more of this. Take House Minority Whip Eric Cantor (R-Va.), for example.

Rep. Eric I. Cantor, the House minority whip, led House GOP opposition to President Barack Obama’s $740 billion [sic] stimulus program.

Yesterday, though, the Henrico County Republican said bringing high-speed rail to the region could further spur economic development, creating as many as 185,000 jobs and bringing $21.2 billion to a region already home to about a half-dozen Fortune 500 companies and 20,000 small businesses.

“If there is one thing that I think all of us here on both sides of the political aisle from all parts of the region agree with, it’s that we need to do all we can to promote jobs here in the Richmond area,” Cantor said.

You’ve got to be kidding me. Eric Cantor was arguably the leading Republican critic of the economic recovery package. He not only publicly mocked government funding for high-speed rail, Cantor also rejected the very idea that government spending could generate economic growth.

Now, however, thanks to a spending bill Cantor fought to kill, there may be money available for HSR connecting Richmond to D.C. Cantor is all for it, despite the fact that if it were up to him, the money wouldn’t exist. (Indeed, it wouldn’t even be a possibility until 2014, since Cantor wants to improve the economy by way of an insane five-year spending freeze.)...

But this is how Eric Cantor "remembers" it now...

And speaking of John of Umber, this is from "Meet the Press" two days ago:

CHUCK TODD: Was it [Obama] or was it conservative media? I mean, you know, you wrote this about Roger Ailes. You said, "I just didn't believe the entire federal government was so terrified of Roger Ailes that they'd break about a dozen laws to bring him down. I thought I could get him to control the crazies and instead I found myself talking to the president of the club." Here was the head of Fox News. You were trying to -- you met with him to say, "Hey, can we cool this rhetoric down?" So, you put the blame on President Obama. Isn't it Roger Ailes and the radicalization of what happened on sort of right wing at night that torpedoed immigration?

JOHN BOEHNER: No, no. Believe me, Chuck, I wanted to get immigration reform done. President Obama wanted to get it done. But again, every time we'd get ready to move, the president would go out and give some speech or he'd loosen up some, some immigration regulation and just kind of set everybody on fire. And that's not a prescription for getting things accomplished in the Congress.

And this is from The Washington Post in 2014:

Boehner refuses to act on immigration reform

If you want to know how messed up the political dynamic is on immigration reform, just look at what House Speaker John Boehner said at his news conference this afternoon. “It is time for the Congress of the United States to deal with a very difficult issue in our society,” Boehner said, “… it’s just time to deal with it.”

Okay, here’s the thing. In June 2013, the U.S. Senate passed an immigration overhaul bill with 68 votes. That’s an unheard-of tally in gridlocked Washington. The legislation went to the House, where it promptly died. Boehner (R-Hostage) backed down after the more vocal minority in his majority revolted. By June 2014, the president was in the Rose Garden announcing that he was going to take executive action because Boehner “informed me that Republicans will continue to block a vote on immigration reform at least for the remainder of this year.”...

And crowded as the Wingnut Quantum Realm is now, expect it to get a whole lot more like the Dan Ryan at rush hour on Friday as more and more current and former Republicans look for new and creative ways to blame the unhinged, racist derangement of their party on the Black Guy.  


No Half Measures


Tuesday, April 13, 2021

John Boehner Lines Up For His Shot of Cheap Grace


I case you may have forgotten who Weepin' John Boehner is and what an integral part he played in building the GOP monster machine that eventually ran him out of town, here's a little ditty I wrote all the way back in 2009.  

Or, as it was known at the time by Republicans, the Beginning of Recorded History.

I've got another puzzle for you
Oompa loompa doompeda dee
If you are wise you'll listen to me

Who do you fault when your Party's insane?
shrieking, bigot-riddled daisy chain?
Rabid from a diet of paranoid lies
Peddled by demented teevee guys?

The
Gutless
Party
Leadership

Oompa Loompa Sprayontan Dude
Letting his Party come completely unglued
A laquered corpse, irredeemably screwed
Like the Oompa
Loompa
Sprayontan
Dude



Well Weepin' John Boehner is now the latest in that long, long line of Republicans who were run out of their own party by the monsters they helped to create and would like you to pay $17.99 to hear him call Donald Trump a poopy head and call his former colleagues crazy.  

But more than that, what Boehner really wants is what every other Republican who has rolled up their sleeves for a shot of that of that sweet, sweet Cheap Grace.

From me in 2018:

...I do believe in redemption.  No kidding.  But I believe it is impossible to get there via what Dietrich Bonhoeffer called "cheap grace":

Cheap grace is the grace we bestow on ourselves. Cheap grace is the preaching of forgiveness without requiring repentance, baptism without church discipline, Communion without confession...Cheap grace is grace without discipleship, grace without the cross, grace without Jesus Christ, living and incarnate.

Take the "Jesus" out of it, and the moral exercise is still valid.

First comes confession.  Then repentance.  Then atonement.  Then forgiveness.

And so far, virtually every Never Trump Republican has failed to clear even the first hurdle.  Like Walter White, they're always ready with a facile excuse for why they spent their entire adult lives serving Team Evil (Spoilers!)--


-- and why they may go right back to doing so once the Age of Trump is over.

And besides,the Libtard Media made them do it.

And besides,  everybody does it.

And besides, in all the decades they spent deeply involved in Team Evil leadership and politics -- working in the Republican Party's political meth superlab cranking out poison and madness and ruin -- they swear never had any idea what was really going on inside the Party, or any inkling of the catastrophic damage their Party was doing.

Which is all bullshit.  They knew all along, because how could they possibly not know?  They went along with it all along because they wanted to.  Because they are clever, perceptive men and women who made choices.  And now they would very much like to skip right past the part where they pay any price for those choices, an instead keep the media sinecures they carved out for themselves during their Team Evil days, and maybe add a book tour where they about their journey.

Because working for Team Evil your entire adult life does deep and lasting damage.  It ravages the soul.   And finding your way back from that begins with the kind of ruthlessly honest self-assessment which most Never Trumpers are simply incapable of.  Even here, in the middle of Middle America, with life-long Republicans I know and still talk with who are obviously, uh, queasy at rise of Donald Trump, their role in the long, sordid history of their party that got them to this place is not a subject they are willing to discuss.  At all...


Cheap Grace Republicans like Weepin' John want to be remembered for having heroically said spicy things about the state of their party long, long after it was too late:
And would very much like America not to remember the role they played in building that party in the first place and in mocking and slandering anyone trying to warn them that they were building a democracy-destroying doomsday machine.  In this case, what Weepin' John would very much like America to refrain from remembering that, for all of his boozy bluster, he voted for Trump.

Twice.




Burn The Lifeboats





Tuesday, September 20, 2016

John of Orange Gets His Gold Watch



Nothing screams "American Dream" louder than the Totally True Story of a humble, weepy booze-hound Ohio who, by working hard and selling his soul off a piece at a time, rose from being a mere tobacco lobbyist bag man --


-- to a full-blooded, tobacco lobbyist kingpin.

What a country!

From Law.Com:
Former House Speaker John Boehner Joins Squire Patton Boggs

Nearly a year after leaving office, John Boehner, the former Republican Speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives, is joining Squire Patton Boggs, the firm announced Tuesday.

The 66-year-old Boehner will act as a strategic advisor to the firm’s clients and will focus on global business development, according to Squire Patton. He will not act as a lobbyist, the firm said.

“I left the private sector and got into public service decades ago because I wanted to help remove government barriers to economic growth and job creation, and that’s still the mission that drives me,” Boehner said in a statement, praising the “world-class team” at Squire Patton.
...

During the Republican National Convention in Cleveland in July, Boehner was a featured guest at a private reception at the firm’s Cleveland office along with Trent Lott, the former Senate Majority Leader who is a lobbyist for Squire Patton. Boehner will be reuniting with his former chief of staff and longtime aide David Schnittger, who joined the firm as a senior policy adviser in January 2015.

Boehner stepped down from his Speaker position in October 2015, after struggling to manage increasing discord within his party. He has kept a relatively low profile since leaving Capitol Hill. Earlier this month Reynolds American Inc., the parent company of cigarette maker RJR Reynolds, announced that Boehner had joined its board.

The hiring is coup for Squire Patton, which has been through some rocky patches since the 2014 merger of Squire Sanders and Patton Boggs, especially on its lobbying and government affairs side.
...
The benefits package is rumored to be lavish: unlimited travel, a carton of smokes and a fifth of Johnny Walker Blue on his porch every morning, and a security cordon with instructions to taser the shit out of Mike Lee or Ted Cruz or Mark Meadows or any other Freedumb Caucus fuck who gets within a 1,000 feet of Squire Patton's newest underboss.

And so once more for the road...

Oompa Loompa Sprayontan Dude
I've got another puzzle for you
Oompa loompa doompeda dee
If you are wise you'll listen to me

Who do you fault when your Party's insane?
A shrieking, bigot-riddled daisy chain?
Rabid from a diet of paranoid lies
Peddled by demented teevee guys?

The
Gutless
Party
Leadership

Oompa Loompa Sprayontan Dude
Letting his Party come completely unglued
A laquered corpse, irredeemably screwed
Like the Oompa
Loompa
Sprayontan
Dude

Wednesday, July 29, 2015

Go, Lemmings, Go!, Ctd.



I was worried there for a minute that I wasn't going to have a chance to use this graphic again for awhile.

Silly driftglass.

Summer is one of the seasons when the bone-in stupid of the GOP base reaches its peak of freshness (the other seasons are winter, fall and spring.)  And with the Kenyan Usurper actually flipping them the bird from Kenya, and no fake birth certificate or death panel idiocy to rally 'round or carefully orchestrated Fox News-sponsored/Koch-funded "grassroots" wingnut raves to attend, the hungry hungry hypocrites need something to bang their heads against.

So why not Boehner?  

Practically since the day the GOP took the House, he has been the weepy, incompetent box of Chicken-in-a-Biscuit on the back of the wingnut shelf -- a perennial snack-of-last-resort to be tossed from time to time to the rage monster on whose back the Party of Personal Responsibility now rides (Google "humiliate Boehner" for a trip down memory lane.)

And so, inevitably... (from Politico):
House conservative seeks John Boehner's ouster

Most Republicans, however, say it will be tough to round up the votes to overthrow the speaker.

By Jake Sherman and Lauren French

North Carolina Rep. Mark Meadows had heard from leading conservatives that trying to oust Speaker John Boehner right now was a bad idea.

Reps. Mick Mulvaney (R-S.C.) and Jim Jordan (R-Ohio), fierce and frequent critics of leadership, thought the move was ill-advised. Some of Meadows’ friends didn’t even see it coming. But just before 6 p.m. Tuesday — a day before the House was set to leave town for its five-week summer recess — Meadows offered a motion to vacate the chair, an extraordinarily rare procedural move that represents the most serious expression of opposition to Boehner’s speakership. If the motion were to pass — most Republicans say it will be hard to cobble together the votes — Boehner would be stripped of the speaker’s gavel, potentially plunging the House of Representatives into chaos.

GOP leaders were taken completely by surprise. Meadows, a second-term Republican, hadn’t even asked for a meeting with Boehner or other top Republicans to air his gripes.
...
Since the GOP has given up any pretext of being interested in actual governance, and since the party's vandal base rewards anyone who finds new and exciting ways to sugar democracy's gas tank, we're going to keep winding up here over and over again until these people and their media enablers are driven from power.





Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Do You Remember Where You Were


When you saw the chicken dance?

More than a decade ago, an almost-forgotten viral Burger King marketing campaign gave us a vivid look at where the leadership of the GOP was headed as a few, billionaire crackpots decided to quick screwing around and just take direct control of the Party of Lincoln.

Enter a command.
Watch the Subservient Chicken dance.
Rinse and repeat.

The original chicken still survives and can still be put through its paces here.  And, yes, it's still as creepy and mesmerizing as ever -- but somewhat less purely entertaining these days as we watch Mandarin Orange Chicken John Boehner moonwalking the whole country into disaster over and over again on command



Thursday, July 28, 2011

The Clown Show at the End of the Universe


I wonder if the King of the Oompa Loompas still has some of that sweet, sweet tobacco baksheesh left over in the kitty (from Bob Herbert in the NYT):

That’s Where the Money Is

...
I remember writing about that day back in the mid-’90s when this slick, chain-smoking, quintessential influence-peddler decided to play Santa Claus by handing out checks from tobacco lobbyists to fellow Congressional sleazes right on the floor of the House.

It was incredible, even to some Republicans. The House was in session, and here was a congressman actually distributing money on the floor. Other, more serious, representatives were engaged in debates that day on such matters as financing for foreign operations and a proposed amendment to the Constitution to outlaw desecration of the flag. Mr. Boehner was busy desecrating the House itself by doing the bidding of big tobacco.

Embarrassed members of the G.O.P. tried to hush up the matter, but I got a tip and called Mr. Boehner’s office. His chief of staff, Barry Jackson, was hardly contrite. “They were contributions from tobacco P.A.C.’s,” he said.

When I asked why the congressman would hand the money out on the floor of the House, Mr. Jackson’s answer seemed an echo of Willie Sutton’s observation about banks. “The floor,” he said, “is where the members meet with each other.”
...

Because it sure looks like he's gonna need every pfennig in his bribe sack and then some to squeak his utterly meaningless plan past his own members in his own House:

Boehner debt ceiling vote delayed, lacks votes for passage


House Speaker John Boehner announced late Thursday that a proposed plan on increasing the nation’s debt ceiling was delayed as party leaders scrambled to find additional votes.

The news came just minutes before Mr. Boehner was set to hold a 5:30 p.m. vote on the proposal, which would cut roughly $915 billion in spending over the next ten years but only raise the debt ceiling through the end of the calendar year. A Republican aide said the House would vote on the bill later on Thursday evening.
...

A plan which -- should it actually pass-- will immediately crawl under the Senate's porch and die.

And since Boehner's bill is absolutely DOA in utero, so to speak, this pointless drama is about one thing and one thing only: whether of not, in the House tiger cage, Boehner is the one holding the whip, or the one obediently running in a circle with a little dog prancing on his back.

You know, back in aught-nine I believe it was, I wrote a little song about it.

And here it is:



Oompa Loompa Sprayontan Dude
I've got another puzzle for you
Oompa loompa doompeda dee
If you are wise you'll listen to me

Who do you fault when your Party's insane?
A shrieking, bigot-riddled daisy chain?
Rabid from a diet of paranoid lies
Peddled by demented teevee guys?

The
Gutless
Party
Leadership

Oompa Loompa Sprayontan Dude
Letting his Party come completely unglued
A laquered corpse, irredeemably screwed
Like the Oompa
Loompa
Sprayontan
Dude...

Later Herman's Hermits stole that song and made a fortune off of it.
Me? I never saw a dime.
Damn hippies.


Meanwhile, the eminently calm and rational James Fallows (to whom I actually owe a beer next time he comes to Chicago) joins Paul Krugman in the Big Driftglass Party of filthy, America-hating Communist dupes:

Sad, really...

Five Reasons the House GOP Is to Blame

By James Fallows

Jul 28 2011, 2:56 PM ET
Many Republican readers have written to ask why I have posted "partisan" charts, like the one after the jump, that use data from the Congressional Budget Office and elsewhere to show that tax cuts over the past decade have played a huge role in creating mammoth federal debt.

In my view, these have been "charts," rather than "partisan charts." And to me their significance is less in allocating responsibility for creating the problem than in clarifying the real options for dealing with it.

Still, anyone who thinks I am mainly blaming the Republicans for the needless debt-ceiling fracas, especially the Tea Party-era House Republicans arrayed behind Rep. Eric Cantor (and Rep. Jim Jordan), is correct. To put the reasons in one place, as things go down to the wire, here they are...

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

...Towards a More Perfect Umbrage


Every day, the blathering old fraud leading the Republican Party ever further into irredeemable shame and ruin...

...gets a little bit closer

to perfection.