Crazy Uncle Liberty, Tracy Flick and the Purity Caucus Mount Off-Broadway Production of SOTU Roshomon

I heard a pretty good speech tonight that played almost every fife and fiddle in the Liberal orchestra.

Manufacturing
Climate Change
Minimum Wage
Funding Basic Research
Health Care
Voting Rights
Gun Control
Reining in drones
Reforming the NSA
Immigration Reform
Closing Gitmo
Iran
Afghanistan

And much more.

Obama was upbeat and energetic.  Kennedyesque.

Cory Remsburg's bio was inspiring.

And none of it has a hope in Hell of going anywhere until the GOP is buried at the crossroads with a stake through its heart.

At least that's the speech I heard.

Crazy Uncle Liberty was listening too.

Here is what he heard.

Fed. funding research is always distributed to political friends & is the least effective - think Solyndra… - RP
— Ron Paul (@RonPaul) January 29, 2014

This speech sounds like more and more and more government and govt. is the problem. - RP
— Ron Paul (@RonPaul) January 29, 2014

The only real solution is to get rid of the income tax and repeal the 16th amendment. - RP #SOTU
— Ron Paul (@RonPaul) January 29, 2014

He is announced an unwillingness to work with congress and should be held accountable for this. - RP
— Ron Paul (@RonPaul) January 29, 2014

This blatant announcement that the constitution means nothing, the law means nothing and he should be held accountable. - RP
— Ron Paul (@RonPaul) January 29, 2014

The Pres is quoting deeply flawed science. - RP #SOTU
— Ron Paul (@RonPaul) January 29, 2014

You subsidize unemployment - you get more of it. - RP #SOTU
— Ron Paul (@RonPaul) January 29, 2014

Pres. Obama is talking like a true authoritarian when he talks of setting wages. This totally rejects the ideas of a free society. - RP
— Ron Paul (@RonPaul) January 29, 2014

The best way to help the unemployed is to just get out of the way. -RP
— Ron Paul (@RonPaul) January 29, 2014

There is too much gun violence left in this country & it is delivered by govt. employees… #police #military #fedagents - RP
— Ron Paul (@RonPaul) January 29, 2014

Well, I certainly didn't learn anything new from this speech. Whether it be Rebs or Dems - never expressing the concerns of the constitution
— Ron Paul (@RonPaul) January 29, 2014

We no longer live in the same Universe as these people.

But there was no time to dwell on this because, live from 1981, it's the Republican response to stuff President Obama never actually said or did, brought to you by Tracy Flick

She has plans.

Boy howdy.

Big plans!

But not gummint plans. No! No! Never any icky gummint plans.

But Republican plans.

Big Republican plans!

Sadly she apparently has no time whatsoever to explain any detail of any those Big Plans..

At all.

But she does have ample time to strew the floor with plenty of adjectives about how you will feel..

..how warm and happy and yummy in your tummy you will feel...

...about yourself..

...and about America...

...after her Big Plans have succeeded in solving every problem and wiping every tear from your eyes.

And there will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain,
For the old order of things has passed away.

Which was followed by this spectacular ad hoc response performed in authentic frontier gibberish by Loony Party Statuary and Pictures Committee Assistant Recording-Secretary, Tim Huelskamp:



Which was, in turn, followed by David Sirota's inevitable Brogressive Purity Caucus response to the response to the... well, you get the idea:

Message of the SOTU & GOP's SOTU response: Politicians on both sides think Americans are so stupid they will believe absolutely anything.
— David Sirota (@davidsirota) January 29, 2014

All of This Has Happened Before

All of this will happen again

Now that Hostess has been gutted and left for dead by by vulture capitalists (and now that it's asphyxiation is predictably being transformed by the Magical Power of Conservative Doublethink into another chance to demonize unions), I thought a rebroadcast of this 2007 post about the remarkably similar destruction of another flagship American brand at the hands of a remarkably similar vulture capitalist would be appropriate:

They’re Blowing Up


Tim Riley’s Bar.

In case you never saw it, the title refers to this famous episode of the “Night Gallery”, of which the above is the 7th and final clip (sorry that the sound is a little out of sync.)

It is offered in service of this short, Labor Day parable.

Once upon a time there was a company called Brach’s...

(Photo from here)

They made candy.

Now candy is a very...intimate...product.

It costs a few pennies, you put it in your mouth, and your toes curl up. You give it as a gift to the people you love. On long car trips, Ma Driftglass’ plan to make it across a American west without bloodshed included a thermos of hot coffee, a tea-towel to drape over her sunward arm, a stock of sing-alongs, car games, and a strategic hard-candy reserve.

Brach’s made that kind of candy.

Another thing Brach’s made was a Middle Class: by employing thousands of workers at good wages in all kinds of jobs, Brach’s created an engine of prosperity on Chicago’s West Side.

It was also key to making Chicago the Candy Capital of the Universe. (Oh yes we were!) Because once you reach a critical mass of skilled tradesmen in a particular field, you start to attract other companies – startups and relocators – because they know they can reasonably expect to find enough local talent to make their businesses viable.

And then along came a spider:

Klaus Jacobs of Jacob Suchard.

Who bought this venerable, viable company and proceeded to destroy it (emphasis added).

Wrecked the management:

…
Management styles and goals clashed, and Jacobs quickly fired Brach's top officers and gutted the leadership of its sales, marketing, production, and finance departments as well. Some of these positions were filled with executives from Suchard's European operations; other positions, including a large percentage of Brach's sales and marketing department, were staffed by people with little experience in the candy industry.

Refused to be bothered to understand their own customers:

…
To make matters worse, the Suchard-led company did not recognize the U.S. candy market's purchase pattern—in that the bulk of sales are made surrounding Valentine's Day, Easter, Halloween, and Christmas—and failed to promote and, at times, even produce the specialized holiday candies.

Fucked with the geese that were laying the golden eggs:

…
Brach faltered through a series of poor decisions. One of these involved the scaling back of Brach's line, which had reached 1,700 different candies and packaging types and sizes, to only 300 SKUs. This proved disastrous for Brach, because the bulk of its sales continued to be made at the grocery stores and through other vendors that required the flexibility of Brach's former range to realize the highest profit margins.

Ruined one of the world’s most recognized brand names:

…
Finally, Suchard changed Brach's name, which enjoyed recognition by as much as 77 percent of the U.S. candy-buying public, to Jacobs Suchard Inc.”

Until it was abandoned by its oldest clientèle:

...
Brach's customers, including major chains such as Walgreens, deserted the company for its competitors. Sales dropped, and the company began posting losses, reaching $50 million in operating losses in 1988, and more than $200 million over the next several years

And they did all of this while aggressively disinvesting in their own people and their own company’s future.

This foreign billionaire wrecked the place, fired workers en masse, blew an economically crippling hole in the neighborhood, sold it at remaindered prices, and slithered away.

And unlike, say, buggy-whip or slide-rule makers who really have outlived their marketplace viability, the extermination of Brach’s was entirely preventable.

So, for reasons of vanity and profit -- arrogance and ignorance pulling in harness with great wealth and complete indifference to the lives of working people -- the brigands who bought the place chose to butcher it.

Sound

familiar?

And for a long time, the deserted hulk of the crowned jewel in Chicago’s confectionery empire sat abandoned.

Rotting.

Rat-infested.

Until last week when it was finally blown up for the "Batman" sequel.

Here’s the video:




And here’s the story.

THAT'S A WRAP
This 'Boom!' bittersweet

On the old Brach's Candy factory property, 'Batman' filmmakers destroy office building

By Kristen Kridel and Monique Garcia, Tribune staff reporters. Tribune staff reporter Gary Washburn contributed to this report

August 30, 2007

A ball of fire, a plume of smoke and almost all of Gotham General Hospital was gone.

A wave of heat swept over about 150 people who had camped out at the corner of Cicero Avenue and Ferdinand Street to watch the pyrotechnics go off for a scene in the upcoming "Batman" sequel, "The Dark Knight."

Hollywood came to the West Side Wednesday afternoon to blow up the five-story administration building that Brach's Candy abandoned with the rest of its sprawling complex in 2003.
…

Now that much of the city's candy industry has melted away, remnants like the Brach's factory are left as nothing more than props.

The plant was once an anchor for Austin, at its height employing more than 4,500 workers. Started more than 100 years ago by a German immigrant, Brach's outgrew its first small storefront and moved into the Cicero Avenue facility in 1923. The factory churned out everything from peanut and hard candies to coconut nougat and marshmallow confections.

…

Brach's abandoned plant quickly took on a derelict look, which made Wednesday's demolition no less troubling for Matt Hancock, director of the Food and Candy Institute.

"On one hand it's an indication of the way our society unfortunately has come to view manufacturing, that it's a relic and quaint and nostalgic and looks good in a movie," Hancock said. "But that's out of sync with the reality of today's high tech and sophisticated manufacturing, and what it means to a community in terms of economic benefit."
…

Blown up.

As a prop.

For a movie about a fictional industrialist…

…who works in secret...

…to save his dying city.

Thus endeth the parable.

Adequate! Adequate!

Your biased, bleary and unfair State of the Union review, rough hewn and pounded out on horseback (well, bar-stool) with liberals to the right of me, liberals to the left of me, and Chris Matthews forcefully stating the sun-blottingly-plain-as-Keith-Olbermann’s-massive-melon obvious.

It is, for your entertainment, divided into Real Quotes (designated by quotation marks), Fake Quotes (Designated BHO), and commentary, which is everything else

BHO: Madam President, Members of Congress, humans, Lieberman, shut your collective pie holes and lend me your ears. And, yes, I’m talking to you Wilson.

BHO: I am the President, and for over, like, 20 years now already, America has had tough times. So many of them that, jeez, you’d think Almighty God was really angry with us or something. Even way back in olden days when our country was in black and white. Or daguerreotypes.

BHO: We are One nation. One people. Except for the Civil War. So, OK, you got me there.

BHO: We’re falling but not plummeting. So bite me.

BHO: A child sent me his allowance, proving that children are apparently still writing letters. So that’s good.

BHO: Shouting? Partisanship? Pettiness? Do not want!

Chuck Grassley is showing off his vivid red vest. Which means that ritual courtship display season has come again to the GOP.

And oh how the Conservative ladies love it so.


BHO: Americans are resilient. They bounce good. Like a Superball even.

They're almost alive!

For some reason, the grubby unemployed speak in parallel poetic construction, which is also good.

Periwinkle is obviously the new flag pin.

BHO: The last administration fucked everything into the ground and peed on the rubble.

A look of horror spreads over the Republicans as BHO dares to reveal the closest-held secret of their cult.

BHO: We recovered most of the money from the banks. Except for some sofa change and stuff I think went through the wash.

A call to soak the fucking bankers. (Democrats applaud. Republicans sit looking dyspeptic.)

BHO: We cut taxes. (Democrats applaud. Republicans sit looking crabbed.)

Jobs saved. (Democrats applaud. Republicans sit looking irritable-bowelish.)

Jobs bill. Who doesn’t love?

BHO: Small businesses. In America, is there any other kind of “grit and determination” but “sheer”? I think not. Comrade!

BHO: Small business loans through community banks? Anyone? (Democrats applaud. Republicans sit looking petulant.)

Apparently all taxes of any kind will be cut to zero forever.

Infrastructure? Shit! Why not…Ultrastructure?!?!

A call to get rid of tax breaks for companies that ship jobs overseas? (Democrats applaud. Republicans sit looking surly. This is the point at which the GOP’s little sit-in stops looking like solidarity and now looks just irredeemably dickish.)

“Washington has been telling us to wait for decades. China’s not waiting.”

“I do not accept 2nd place for the the United States.”

So...4th?

BHO: I’m not interested in punishing banks.

(Cut to Dodd with a mile wide ++OhDearGodThankYou!++ thought-bubble hovering over his head.)

Regulatory reform. (Democrats applaud. Republicans sit looking sullen.)

Exporting is good. We’ll double it, and add two million new jobs.

Tax credits for college? (Democrats applaud. Republicans sit looking reptilian.)

Public service? (Democrats applaud. Republicans sit looking peevish.)

Pull any more shenanigans and I will pull this Ship of State over and veto your ass!

The Supremes get spanked. Well, as much as you can spank five shitwhistles with lifetime tenure. I don’t know that this has ever been done before. So good on you, President Obama.

We still need to govern. Democrats, we have the largest majority in decades, so do something already.

A call to serve citizens not personal ambitions? (Democrats applaud. Republicans sit looking pouty-pouty-poo-poo.)

BHO: We could argue all we want about who is to blame…

Yes! Lets finally, finally, finally DO THAT!

Oh. Rhetorical. I get it.

BHO: C’mon, psychos! After 20 years of being asshole, how about you put down the flamethrower that’s gotten you everything you have in this life, step down off the pile of bodies you have slain and heaped into an altar to your sick ideology and behave like decent people. What’dya say!

Crickets.

“I’ve embraced the values of Ronald Reagan and John F. Kennedy.”

Fucking Hollywood starlets? Oh. Eliminating nukes. See, that would’ve been my third guess, after the starlet thing, and sporting a fine head of dark, lustrous hair.

Here comes the laundry list. Its a good list. I'm very, very proud we do things like this.

Hey, where’s my fucking switchgrass? Where’s Mars bitches?

“...that no matter who you are or what you look like, if you abide by the law you should be protected by it.” OK, that's the only factual error I could find in this speech, but its kind of a big one. Because every citizen of the United States, not just those who "abide by the law", deserve the full protection of that law.

That is, in fact, one of the pillars of our democracy, and it is actually fairly shocking that it got past not just the White House speech-writing team, but former Constitutional Law Professor, Barack Obama.

The only reason we are here today is that generations of American did stuff. Hard stuff. Had anvils dropped on their heads, but stood up together and knit a new circle of freedom’s ringing truths. Or something.

Except, of course, for the Civil War.
Oh, and Jim Crow.
Well, basically the entire history of civil rights.
And the entire history of worker right.
Actually, it sure as hell seems that every advance in those fields domestically resulted from it being pried out of powerful, unwilling hands, often by force.

But hey, whatever.

America, fuck yeah!

As I said, an adequate speech (if you don't get the reference, it is from "Dog Day Afternoon".) (Not Safe For Work)


And my President is sniffing happy glue made from unicorn hooves if he thinks anything he said tonight is going to coax even one Republican down out of the crazy tree.

Because the view is just too nice from up there.