Lies and Pols -- Part II

Seeing a dangerous shortage of Loesser-based satire, the inimitable LowerManhattanite steps into the breach -- funny-pen in hand like a 12-story scimitar -- and lays this down.

'Cause LowerManhattanite is one righteously funny SOB, who I will continue to gently noodge in the direction of starting a blog of his own (but he is also, from what I understand, a very busy SOB too), or to hook up with a like-mind to add a second, massive barrel to some pre-existing shotgun.

But in an alternate universe, we see...this...

A GATHERING OF RIGHT-WING PUNDITS (BIG BUCKLEY, JOHNNY THE DERB, et.al.) FILE INTO AN ALREADY PACKED (WITH REGULAR CITIZENS) "FIND-A-SOUL MISSION", SISTERS VAN DEN HEUVEL AND HUFFINGTON STAND AT THE FRONT.

JUST THEN, A SMALL, OWLISH MAN IN A TWEED SUIT STEPS UP, CLUTCHING HIS HAT AND SPORTING A JAUNTY BOW-TIE. AS EVERYONE SITS DOWN, HE LOOKS HEAVENWARD FOR A MOMENT, AND THEN HE (GEORGE WILL) PIPES UP:

WILLSY-WILLSY:
I dreamed last night I spoke to my friend Donny Rumsfeld
And by some chance some simple folk had tagged along,
And there I stood, and I chuckled,
"I think we’re winning,"

But the simple folk, they knew right from wrong
For the people all said,
"You clown, you clown we’re f*ckin’' up Iraq!"

THE AMERICAN PEOPLE:
People all said,
"You clown, you clown we’re f*ckin’' up Iraq!"

WILLSY-WILLSY:
And the insurgency’ll drag us under
With a thousand car bombs and IED attacks
You clown, you clown, you clown, you clown,

WILLSY-WILLSY & THE AMERICAN PEOPLE:
You clown, we’re f*ckin’ up Iraq!

WILLSY-WILLSY:
I railed…

THE AMERICAN PEOPLE:
Ooooooh-oooh…

WILLSY-WILLSY:
At my good friend Donny Rumsfeld,
And by some chance found a British memo in my fist,
And there I stood,
Plainly ignorin’ what it listed,
But the simple folk were bound to be pissed
For the people all said, “No fair!”

THE AMERICAN PEOPLE:
People all said “No fair! No fair!”,

WILLSY-WILLSY:
You sold this war on bullsh*t!
People all said “No fair!”

THE AMERICAN PEOPLE:
People all said “No fair!”

WILLSY-WILLSY:
No fair, you sold the war on pure bullsh*t!
And the quagmire’ll drag us under
No matter how many WMD jokes the prez cracks,

BUSHLY-BUSHLY & THE AMERICAN PEOPLE:
You clown, you clown, you clown, you clown,
We’re f*ckin’ up Iraq!

WILLSY-WILLSY:
And as…

THE AMERICAN PEOPLE;
Ooooh, ooooooh…

WILLSY-WILLSY:
I mocked those folks for ever disbelievin’
Ahhhhhhhhhh Ahhhhhhhh, Ahhhhhhh
A wave of popular opinion washed me overboard,
And as I sank, I hollered
“Pumkinhead, save me!”
That's the moment I woke up, thank the Lord!

THE AMERICAN PEOPLE:
Thank the lord! Thank the lord!

WILLSY-WILLSY:
And I mea culpa-ed myself, “You clown!”

THE AMERICAN PEOPLE:
Mea culpa-ed himself, “You clown!”

WILLSY-WILLSY:
“You clown, we’re screwin’ up Iraq!”
mea culpa-ed myself, “You clown!”

THE AMERICAN PEOPLE:
Mea culpa-ed himself, “You clown!”

WILLSY-WILLSY:
You clown, we’re screwin’ up Iraq
And the insurgency’ll drag us under,

THE AMERICAN PEOPLE:
And the insurgency’ll drag us under.

WILLSY-WILLSY:
Never mind that deluded Insta-hack!

WILLSY-WILLSY & THE AMERICAN PEOPLE:
You clown, you clown, you clown, you clown,
You clown you done f*cked up Iraq!
You clown, you done,
Done f*cked up Iraq!
You clown, you done,
Done f*cked up Iraq!
You clown, you done,
Done f*cked up Iraq!
You clown, you done,
Done f*cked up Iraq!
You clown, you clown you done f*cked up Iraq!

Aaaaaah, who'm I kiddin'...musicals are but fantasies, like the legs of Cyd Charisse.

:)


Best,
Lower Manhattanite