Act Neutrally

With apologies to Buck Owens and his Buckaroos...

They're gonna put me on the talk shows

They're gonna make a big star out of me

'Cause I'm a fraud who's propped up by his cronies

And all I gotta do is act neutrally

Well, I'll bet you I'm a-gonna be a big star

Might win a Emmy, you can't never tell

The talk shows gonna make me a big star,

'Cause I can play the part so well!

Well, I know you'll sit and watch my talk show

Then I'll know that you will plainly see

The biggest tool that's ever hit the big time

And all I gotta do is act neutrally

I have this gig 'cause I'm propped up by my cronies

Got it by begging down on bended knee

I'll play the part but I won't need rehearsing

All I'll have to do is act neutrally

Well, I'll bet you I'm a-gonna be a big star

Might win an Emmy, you can't never tell

The talk show's gonna make me a big star,

'Cause I can play the part so well

Well, I hope you'll sit and watch my talk show

Then I'll know that you will plainly see

The biggest tool that's ever hit the news game

And all I gotta do is act neutrally

Behold, a Tip Jar!