Little Doggie

chooses to continue to bark all day


The best-paid pool boy in the GOP

continues to spend part of the weekly op-end column allowance Pinch Sulzberger gives him muttering impotently that the ogres who own the place and for whom he works keep pooping in the pool.

The Road Not Taken
...

It could be that this has been a glorious moment in Republican history. It could be that having persuaded independents that they are a prudent party, Republicans will sweep the next election. Controlling the White House and Congress, perhaps they will have the guts to cut Medicare unilaterally, reform the welfare state and herald in an era of conservative greatness. But it’s much more likely that Republicans will come to regret this missed opportunity.

Luckily he has a brilliant plan for fixing things! He and his imaginary phalanx of Reasonable Conservatives are going to sit right down and wait for wingnut nature to change to the point where they are embraced and appreciated.

Fortunately, there are still practical conservatives in the G.O.P., who believe in results, who believe in intelligent compromise. If people someday decide the events of the past weeks have been a debacle, then practical conservatives may regain control.

(This is what it looks like when whining mediocrities "Go Galt!")

Our Mr. Brooks even goes so far as to identify the culprits using four burn book categories -- Beltway Bandits, Big Government Blowhards, Show Horses, Permanent Campaigners -- that read an awful lot like the adult versions of various teenage cliques which probably spent a lot of time sticking young Davey Brooks' head into various toilets, taking his lunch money and turning him down for dates.

What Our Mr. Brooks obviously does not realize is that the 19 (not four) distinct dysfunctional subgroups that make up his Conservative Movement were cataloged years ago here and here:

Neocons: Pasty conquistadors. Loveless, Democracy-attachment-disorder plotters. Thinks of America as prey to be plucked, fucked and chucked. And then whittles down the wishbone to make into lock picks to break into other lands.


Meocons: ...Meocons spill their seed on the ground, on the baby sitter, on the Statue of Liberty, in your fey Liberal latte, and positively RPG it all over our future.


Geocons: ...some of the most mentally and morally landlocked creatures I have ever met.


Theocons: Swaggering molesters of the Gospels.


Sixtyocons: Sixty, as in the aggressively oligophrenic end of the I.Q. pool. Also known as “the base”. What one I.Q. site describes as "Slow, simple, supervised” under Employment Options...


Cronyocons: “Brownie, you're doin’ a heck of a job.” -- Words that will ring down the ages as the perfect synthesis of the final, bankrupt moral cul-de-sac down which the Bush Administration has stampeded the GOP. Words that sum up the “Steal everything, blame Clinton and hide behind the dead” perversity of the Age of Bush as succinctly as “Give me liberty or give me death.” summed up the Age of Patriots.


Weeocons: Baby Republicans. ... Subsidized cowards with balls as big as Daddy’s Amex, and ego’s as wide as the holes in their souls.


R.E. Leeocons: Narcissistic Confederate-pride addicts bereft of any tangible knowledge of confederate history. Tend to get all rosy-cheeked and weepy and Kenny Rogers over a halcyon Southron Camelot that never was.


"On-My-Knee(s)”-o-cons -- by prof fate. Possibly "Any one of several thousand, lightly-closeted, self-hating, Gay Men who occupy positions of prominence in and have sworn an oath of slavish fealty to a certain political party that is intractably dedicated to their eradication."


"Chicken-of-the-Sea"-o-cons –- term and classification both by the much-missed LowerManhattanite. “...brave, bloody-fingered, typist-warriors who make the Bataan Death March every two hours, from the computer hutch to the fridge to replenish their Cheetoh and Pepsi rations.” (See also “Anybody-but-me”-o-cons, also from LowerManhattanite.)


“100%-Tax-Free”-o-cons, term and classification also both by the LowerManhattanite. “....who long for that great gettin' up mawnin' when they shall be free of taxes and the inner cities free of all those nasty "mud" people who'll just die off from the infrastructure being starved of revenue. After which, the 100%-Tax-Free-o-cons can move back in and reclaim all those beautiful corpse-filled brownstones, of course.”(See also “Money”-o-cons from Fletch...)


“Spending-spree”-o-cons, also from LowerManhattanite, whose verbal swag bag is always filled to overflowing. Classification by driftglass.

Alaska needs a Bridge to Nowhere.
I need jetpacks for my lawyers.
Jack Abramoff’s Cloak of Invisibility desperately needs re-tatting.

And the Emperor needs New Clothes. Again. For Jesus.

This is, of course, part of the larger, Grover Norquist Plan – lifted verbatim out of “1984” -- to so bleed the treasury white that there simply won’t be two dimes left to rub together. This will curtail spending on anything but Perpetual War and the massive, private security forces that will be necessary to quell the rioting mobs that will arise once the GOP is done accomplishing their real objectives; destroying the Middle Class and liquidating the last few thread of the social safety net.


“Thieve”-o-con is provided by justme -- who was on a roll -- which I changed to “Thievery”-o-con to squeak by my entirely arbitrary “eeo-ooh” rule.


justme also asks if "Rupee”-o-cons would be the outsourcers. Yes. Yes they would.


”Ennui”-o-cons: "The blind and uncaring ‘moderates’” also courtesy of justme.


”Nimby”-o-cons -- also from justme “NIMBY”-o-con :-) Now isn't that just plain funny?


“O-P-P”-o-cons – by antid_oto -- Original post pictured evil gremlin and Limited-Government-Fanatic-Except-In-Your-Bikini-Area Judge William Pryor, explaining why what you put in your puss-puss is his fucking business, and what toxins get dumped into your children's drinking water, isn't....

"O-P-P"-o-cons was one I didn’t get until contributor antid_oto explained: “Hum a few bars of the Jackson 5's "ABC" if this is still unclear."

And then I laughed and laughed. Oh fuck yeah.


Patrick McNee"-o-con -- by driftglass

The smart, worldly, tolerant, sexually competent and liberated, dashing Conservative who stands up for the Little Guy, is the undoing of Evildoers everywhere, and could talk Emma Peel out of her leather jodhpurs should the need arise

Like the, Ivory-Billed Woodpecker, the last know species of this kind of Conservative had not been seen in nature in decades and is widely presumed to have gone as extinct as the Orange-foot Pimpleback Pearlymussel, or has mutated into a Liberal and become George Clooney.

“Anony”-o-con -- by driftglass.

Every group has ‘em. The babbling dorks who just insist on being on your side and do you more harm than good. The conspicuously unbalanced Shouting Out Loud louts who thinks adding LOTS!!!!!!!!! Of!!!!!!!!!!!! Punctuation!!!!!!!!!!!!! makes them sound like less of an imbecile.

Does it??????????????????????

Sadly, no.

What Our Mr. Brooks also obviously does not realize that he fits smoothly into at least four of these categories.

That when it comes to the work of democracy, Mr. Brook' wretched Centrist claptrap is a bug, not a feature.