Driftglass' Field Guide to the GOP - Vol 2.

Look! It's a Southern "Nazi"-o-con building a nest!
See how he uses the Constitution as kindling to set Christ on fire!


Continued from here with title suggested by blogpal, US Blues, and made possible almost entirely by the clever suggestions of the Commentors.


"On-My-Knee(s)”-o-cons -- by prof fate.

The prof didn’t say whether he meant “fealty” genuflection, or perhaps something more along the lines of a "Liberace”-o-con (by driftglass): "Any one of several thousand, lightly-closeted, self-hating, Gay Men who occupy positions of prominence in and have sworn an oath of slavish fealty to a certain political party that is intractably dedicated to their eradication."

For a partial list, click here.

Instead the prof left it ambiguous...rather like the (now slightly modified) "On-Bended-Knee”-o-cons.


"Chicken-of-the-Sea"-o-cons –- term and classification both by the inimitable LowerManhattanite.

The “...brave, bloody-fingered, typist-warriors who make the Bataan Death March every two hours, from the computer hutch to the fridge to replenish their Cheetoh and Pepsi rations.”

(See also “Anybody-but-me”-o-cons, also from LowerManhattanite.)


“100%-Tax-Free”-o-cons, term and classification also both by the LowerManhattanite.

Those “....who long for that great gettin' up mawnin' when they shall be free of taxes and the inner cities free of all those nasty "mud" people who'll just die off from the infrastructure being starved of revenue. After which, the 100%-Tax-Free-o-cons can move back in and reclaim all those beautiful corpse-filled brownstones, of course.”

(See also “Money”-o-cons from Fletch...)


“Spending-spree”-o-cons, also from LowerManhattanite, whose verbal swag bag is always filled to overflowing. Classification by driftglass.

There ain’t no pork in the Budget.
Alaska needs a Bridge to Nowhere.
I need jetpacks for my lawyers.
Jack Abramoff’s Cloak of Invisibility desperately needs re-tatting.

And the Emperor needs New Clothes. Again. For Jesus.

Man, if we taxed shamelessness, hubris and puke-inducing hypocrisy, from the Republican Congress alone we could raise enough to run a fat surplus.

This is, of course, part of the larger, Grover Norquist Plan – lifted verbatim out of “1984” -- to so bleed the treasury white that there simply won’t be two dimes left to rub together. This will curtail spending on anything but Perpetual War and the massive, private security forces that will be necessary to quell the rioting mobs that will arise once the GOP is done accomplishing their real objectives; destroying the Middle Class and liquidating the last few thread of the social safety net.

Plenty of room in Gitmo for those un-American, non-Course-Stayers who insist on remembering that we were once vastly better, richer, kinder, freer and more democratic than under Dear Leader’s rule. And for the rest, there will always be Fox’s “Two Minutes Hate” co-hosted by Brit Hume and James Dobson to focus the blame where it needs to be focused: Bill Clinton, Ted Kennedy and the soon-to-be-unperson, Bill Kristol.

C’mon people! Destroying America and triggering Armageddon don’t come cheap!


“Thieve”-o-con is provided by justme -- who was on a roll -- which I changed to “Thievery”-o-con to squeak by my entirely arbitrary “eeo-ooh” rule.

So let's see...
Jack Abramoff -- Clown Prince of Crime and “Thievery”-o-con?
Yup. Fits just fine.


justme also asks if "Rupee”-o-cons would be the outsourcers.

Yes. Yes they would.


”Ennui”-o-cons

"The blind and uncaring ‘moderates’” also courtesy of justme.

Which made me chuckle.

As did this one,...


”Nimby”-o-cons -- also from justme

“NIMBY”-o-con :-)
Now isn't that just plain funny?


“O-P-P”-o-cons – by antid_oto

Pictured is evil gremlin and Limited-Government-Fanatic-Except-In-Your-Bikini-Area Judge William Pryor, explaining why what you put in your puss-puss is his fucking business, and what toxins get dumped into your children's drinking water, isn't.

(Hint: As is true for Segregationist Apologists, the Secret Words are also “Jebus” and “State’s Rights”. Say the Secret Words, and the Duck will drop down and give you a slip of paper with some homophobic Scripture on it.

The Duck used to have a cigar in its mouth.

Guess who made him take it out?)

"O-P-P"-o-cons was one I didn’t get until contributor antid_oto explained: “Hum a few bars of the Jackson 5's "ABC" if this is still unclear."

And then I laughed and laughed. Oh fuck yeah.


"Patrick McNee"-o-con -- by driftglass

The smart, worldly, tolerant, sexually competent and liberated, dashing Conservative who stands up for the Little Guy, is the undoing of Evildoers everywhere, and could talk Emma Peel out of her leather jodhpurs should the need arise

Like the, Ivory-Billed Woodpecker, the last know species of this kind of Conservative had not been seen in nature in decades and is widely presumed to have gone as extinct as the Orange-foot Pimpleback Pearlymussel, or has mutated into a Liberal and become George Clooney.


“Anony”-o-con -- by driftglass.

Every group has ‘em.

The babbling dorks who just insist on being on your side and do you more harm than good. The conspicuously unbalanced Shouting Out Loud louts who thinks adding LOTS!!!!!!!!! Of!!!!!!!!!!!! Punctuation!!!!!!!!!!!!! makes them sound like less of an imbecile.

Does it??????????????????????

Sadly, no.

Are all “anonymouses” (anonymice? anonymi?) “Anony”-o-cons?

Of course not. Many comments from unknown sources are smart and funny and incisive.

The one(s) to which I refer are off their meds. Or terminally pre-pubescent. Or are they acne-scarred so deep that it has formed lesions on their brain? Or are they using their one-hour-a-day in the Rec Room at Home for the Socially Imbalanced to post incoherent gibberish in a fucktard cipher only they and their therapist understand?

Or just ball-less wonders with a positive fetish for 1-2 extremely specific topics but don't have the guts to go out and blog on their own? Barnacling onto wherever it is people gather and leafleting them with their chimp-on-meth babble?

If "Anony”-o-cons had a pair they’d make haste to this site and set up shop for themselves.

“Anony”-o-cons don’t particularly bother me: They are the annoying sales-tax on the price of free speech and a more-or-less open comment policy. And God fucking knows I’ll never object to a potty-mouth...but you’d damn well better be able to swing that axe in the service of Making A Point or you’ll just sound like a simpleton.

Is anyone familiar with the saying from Twain that goes, “Better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool than to open it and remove all doubt?”

Let’s just say with “Anony”-o-cons, all doubt has long since been removed, and as such, since they seem to lack even basic self-awareness, someone should let them know three things:

They are ugly.

Their mothers do dress them funny.

And they are the objects of ridicule. If they rubbed themselves head-to-toe with cat poo and skipped backwards – naked – through the Loop at noon screaming “I’m A Cowboy!” they might just be able to make bigger fools of themselves than they already do, but the line would be even-money.

Yes, they are the Twits Of Unusual Size (TOUS), but with “Anony”-o-cons that may actually be the point.