Tuesday, May 23, 2023

The Tribe That Rubs Shit In Their Hair: Jason Chaffetz Edition

Reader Advisory:  This post contains references and links to post from the Before Time, discussion of  which is forbidden by federal law (probably) and Beltway media custom, unless you are swooning over how great things used to be back when Saint Ronald Reagan and Tip O'Neill used to get wasted together and swap stories about celebrity blowjobs.  Readers are advised that they are fully responsible for administrative, civil or criminal fines or penalties imposed by regulatory agencies, resulting from failure to fully comply with this bullshit taboo.


First, a brief refresher on your favorite cult and mine, the Tribe That Rubs Shit In Their Hair:

Longtime readers know that "The Tribe That Rubs Shit In Their Hair" is my shorthand for inbred Conservative meatsticks who have wallowed in wingnut Hate Radio racist dung and Fox News Liberal Conspiracy claptrap for so long that is has become the quotidian argot of their wretched lives. It is their tavern-talk -- their worst, paranoid delusions, externalized, validated, tarted up as The Unvarnished Truth and then regurgitated back to them by ghouls and treason-mongers like Sean Hannity and Bill O'Reilly... which are, in turn, passed around again like so many fish stories, getting bigger and wilder and truthier with each iteration. It is the shit they eagerly rub in their hair -- the shit which, year after year, they sculpt into ever more elaborate pompadours because everyone else in their dingy, lightless corner of Universe is doing it and they lost their sense of smell 40 years ago.

They preen over each other. They are happy in each other's company. They praise each other on the little, individual touches with which they have customized their Shitheap Toupees -- an extra layer of Benghaaaazi, perhaps, appliqued over something something the New Black Panther Party because ACORN!.

And all is right with the world...right up until they leave the cocoon of their Wingnut Pig Sty and step into the normal world, where they are Shocked!Shocked! that ordinary people flee from them in horror.

One thing I failed to make clear in my original post was just how vast the Wingnut Pig Sty actually is.  The Wingnut Pig Sty is a world of political  cubicles and ideological corridors, all underground, and plenty roomy enough for Shit Hair Tribe members to spend most of their lives only interacting with other members of the Shit Hair Tribe.

Some of the more advanced members of the tribe are aware enough of the outside world to gird themselves with slipperier language, a Gish Gallop bag of lies and Both Siderisms when they are forced to move about in the Real World, much like us pasty Irish types slather on SPF 1000 goop whenever the sun peeps over the horizon.   So it is especially glorious when a senior member of the Tribe That Rubs Shit In Their Hair thinks they're in a 100% safe space among fellow Shit Hairians and unfurls some especially bold-faced (or do you say bald face?) lie, in the sure and certain belief that no one in his or her company would dare whip out a pin an puncture it.

And then it happens.  On camera.

Roll the tape, Johnny!

Of course, before the Right spent eight years losing their minds over "Moochelle" Obama's bare arms and terrorist fist-jabbing -- 

-- they had spend eight years seething over First Lady "Killery" Clinton.  

But of course, all that happened during the Before Time.  And as has already been well established by dogma and custom, mention of actual events taking place during the Before Time that contradict whatever fiction Conservatives (and the Beltway media) are selling today is doubleplusungood.

And yet, every now and then, there comes a Marie Harf, with a pointy stick, watching as the lie that a Jason Chaffetz is inflating today becomes so bloated and ridiculous that she just can't resist.

I Am The Liberal Media


n1ck said...

But you are mistaken good Sir.

Bill Clinton did not win a majority of the popular vote and was not a legitimate President. And Obama, well, he was a Black Man in a White House, so he and his spouse also don't count.

Calvinball. All the way down.

Jon Sitzman said...

Good morning BG and DG!


ABC does some serious water carrying for Trump by treating his bullshit grievance-grifting as SERIOUS LAWYERING LAWYERLY-THINGS!

Hat tip to Digby, obviously, and I'll also quote her last PP:

>>> The letter is a fundraising vehicle. It’s an attempt to discredit rule of law. It’s probably an attempt to sow violence again. Claiming it is something else because sources you’ve granted anonymity said it is is not journalism.

Paging Ms. Amanpour?

Thanks for all you do.

Jon Sitzman said...


I said Digby above - should have been EmptyWheel.

Should either happen ever to read these comments, apologies to both.

Thanks DG and BG.

GrafZeppelin127 said...

This needs to be on a continuous loop somewhere 24/7.

Frank Stone said...

Yes, the phrase is indeed "bald-faced" lie. As in, lying nakedly without bothering to cover one's lies with a figurative mask of honesty.

Anonymous said...

"Shit Hairians." Bravo.

Nick Jr. said...

Jason Chaffetz is doing that conservative thing where he's telling a lie that nobody believes, and I'm not just talking about us normal people. I mean the other people on camera know he's lying, the people in the control room know he's lying, even the loyal Fox audience know he's lying. But because they're all conservatives, they just wanna own the libs so bad that nothing else matters.

And I'm old enough to remember when Rush Limbaugh showed a picture of 12-year-old Chelsea Clinton on his TV show and said "Look they even have a White House dog!". If Republicans relegated themselves to just going after political wives that would actually be an improvement over their miserable track record thus far.

Jon Sitzman said...

Good afternoon, BG and DG.

We've reached the point in this fracas where Ron DeSantis attempts to siphon off Trump's followers by speculating about pardoning J6 rioters, and Trump himself.

I have no friendly advice for Ron the fascist, but if I did, I'd confine it to two words: "Won't work."

But no worries. We're all still laughing at the spectacle of DeSantis and Musk stepping on their own genitalia on live twitter audio. Womp, womp, wommmmmp.

Stay safe y'all.

Robt said...

I sense Jason is one of them there flat earth republicans.

If the earth is flat as he says and it would mean the earth having two sides.

Jason seems to be on the same side of the earth as I am.

Can someone tell me how I can get to the flip side of the earth where Jason does not live?

How can I send him to the other side? A one way ticket with now way beck.