Monday, November 22, 2021

There's Still Always Work at the Post Office

After decades spent snout-down at the elite end of the Wingnut Welfare trough, Stephen Hayes and Jonah "Liberal Fascism" Goldberg have decided that it was time to skip hand-in-hand down the Fox News gangplank and desert the flagship of the American fascist movement after the companies #1 rainmaker, Tucker Carlson, used his Fox News platform to go all in-on the Right's darkest, most violent paranoid January 6th fantasies.

Meanwhile, Fox News anchor Chris Wallace has reportedly resorted to shooting icy stares at Carlson in the hallway when Carlson isn't looking and quietly moving him from Wallace's "hand signed" Christmas card list to his "intern-stamped signature" list.

Heroes.  Heroes all.

So it is only fit and proper to ask these two mopes the same question Springfield Lady Reporter asked Krusty the Klown when he announced he was quitting comedy.

Why now?  Why not 20 years ago?

A good question, with a simple answer.  Because they are terrible, terrible people and because Team Evil pays much better.

Next question.

Actually I could say more, but I already did.  Back in 2018 when the Beltway media was once again full of praise for all the "good journalists" over at Rupert Murdoch's sexual predator petting zoo and race panic manufacturing plant.  

From "There's Always Work at the Post Office"


So as a permanent media outsider let me make this perfectly clear: if you choose to stay at Fox News in any capacity other than janitorial, don't kid yourself for a minute that you are in any way heir to the legacy of Cronkite or Murrow or Royko or Finley Peter Dunne.

You are not.

You are taking up the mantle of the likes of Michael Steele and David Brooks.  Mark Penn and Juan Williams and Susan Estrich (What?  Did you think we'd forget you, Susan?).  You are hiring yourself out to be a beard -- to be the presentable public face of a depraved institution.

Do you think for a minute that I couldn't increase my income by an order of magnitude if I converted?  If I rent my garments, renounced Saul Alinksy, and all of his works, and all his pomps?  If I took up my pen to crank out the kind of glop they sling at The Federalist?  Or Townhall?  Or Red State?

Shit, I could type it with my toes while binge-watching Lost in Space with the entire F-M section of Roget's tied behind my back and still make it sing, because it's fucking easy.  Mindless.  Plus I actually know my way around a microphone and cameras don't freak me out, so who knows how high up the food chain I could ascend as an Apostate Libtard who has Seen the Light of True Conservatism.  Right now, through dint of grim, batshit persistence, Dinesh D'Souza's net worth is around $4 million dollars.  You think that we at The Professional Left couldn't match that if we joined Team Evil, and without the felony rap and those pesky ankle monitors?  You think that if we set "we gotta work" as our highest virtue and screw the morality of what we do, that we couldn't spend the rest of our days supping comfortably at the Wingnut Welfare trough between Jerome Corsi and Michelle Malkin?

But instead we put out the tip jar and hope for the best. 

Because I'll bag groceries and deliver papers first.  I'll beg in the goddamn street first.  Because working for madmen and monsters who you know damn well are bent on evil purposes -- madmen and monsters whose business model is deliberately destroying the integrity of your chosen profession -- is inexcusable. 

So quit.  Now.  Today.

Because you're being paid in blood money, kid.

And that shit never washes off.

The only question still lingering in the air how long it will take for mighty statues of Jonah Goldberg and Stephen Hayes to be erected over in Never Trumpland declaring them to be Heroes of the Resistance.  

Burn The Lifeboats


bowtiejack said...

Beautiful. Just beautiful.

Hey, remember The Third Reich?
I sometimes reflect on how dignified
and gracious they all were in their
snappy uniforms sending people off
to death camps.

And then it all went to shit and they
couldn't wear the snappy uniforms
anymore and had to work really hard on
their stories about how they never
went along with that whole Hitler thing
anyway. Reminds me of something.

Kevin Holsinger said...

Good afternoon, Mr. Glass.

Two analogies for you two consider:

1. Mr. Carlson is the "better class of criminal" that Gotham deserves...
...though his tendency to "just ask questions" makes him more Riddler than Joker.

2. Mr. Goldberg and Mr. Hayes are Vito Corleone, who still wants to be a mafia man, but doesn't want to get mixed up in this new drug business...

Best to you and your loved ones.

Robt said...

have to consider these two announced excuses for leaving the FOX.

Don't they say what happens over at the entertainment prime time (most of the time) branch of the company is a complete independent section of the FOX that Chris The Wallace dwells with Sour krauthammer and and the "stutterer who's anchor name I cannot recall at the moment?

Jonah can always return to the bely of the Heritage Whale from which he came. As if Koch organizations are any different than the aim of FOX.
I am surprised Jonah didn't make it to the SCOTUS list for Trump after his mom explored her "friends" privacy over the blue dress.
They haven't figured out it is the entire GOP ?

That like Liz Cheney, who doesn't want to where the "Q".
Is no loner a republican and it is time again to purge the party. last purge was not Right wing enough. RINOS and squishes.

This my friend is the next episode of the movie, The Purge" The Q will replace you.

Charlesdillon said...

How long? I'll be looking for them with Nicole Wallace this afternoon.

Anonymous said...

Rupert Murdoch has been a festering pustule on the body politic of the entire English speaking world for 50 years. You know Bill Barr made a personal call on old Rupert the night that Lev Parnas and Igor Fruman were indicted. It's a shame nobody ever asked him about that. Here is the way I would have put the question to Bill. What did you talk about with Rupert, or were you just there to suck his shriveled little dick.

dave said...

in 'i sing of olaf' the line 'there is some shit i will not eat..'

references the idea there IS some shit one will eat before saying 'no more...!'

their 401k's are well funded...NOW they show a slight disdain for SOME varieties of shit....but they have full bellies and are completely full of enough to last a while; thanks....