The Ongoing Adventures of Hugh Hewitt: The Republican Cyborg Sent From The Future to Destroy America (™)

As everyone knows by now, Hugh Hewitt is a Cyborg Sent From The Future to Destroy America.  But what do we know about the alternate future from whence he comes?  The Glorious Wingnut Tomorrow which can only be secured by wrecking our own here-and-now?

Well, we know it is a desolate place.  A derelict shithole of ruins, drowned cities and crumbling statues, ruled by a line of inbred chucklehead trumps, each stupider and more visibly devolved than the last.  So it should come as no surprise that the cyborg they dispatched to our time to insure this future would reflect the illiterate, collapsed state of the alternate timeline where it was assembled.

This is why, instead of a subtle, versatile Terminator, the greatest minds of the Glorious Wingnut Tomorrow could only manage to kludge together a clanking mess of defective chipsets and mangled code like Hugh Hewitt.  

Which, until now, wasn't really a problem.

Sure, other that "aggrieved entitlement", "revenge" and "malignant denialism", Mr. Hewitt has never been able to mimic even the most basic human emotions, but since "aggrieved entitlement", "revenge" and "malignant denialism" are the basic wingnut responses to virtually every situation, this has never an obstacle to Mr. Hewitt's mission.  In fact, since you're probably a Liberal and therefor have the superpower of Memory, you probably remember that not long ago Mr. Hewitt had his own show on "Liberal" MSNBC, and has been a frequent and honored guest on Meet the Press because he feeds the Republican base the toxic bullshit they crave, and as long as he performs that function, nobody asked too many questions about why his eyes never move and oil constantly oozes from his ears.  

But grim reality has started to overwhelm even Mr. Hewitt's capacity for malignant denialism, and because he was slapped together with cheap hardware and shitty software, he is powerless to adapt to the changing circumstances.  Instead, all he is capable of doing is looping through the same ridiculous claptrap over and over again.  

Every honest story about the new rush to impeachment has to begin with (1) who, exactly, is Hunter Biden (2) what did Hunter Biden do (3) what did @JoeBiden do on Hunter Biden's behalf, and (4) what did @realDonaldTrump say to Ukraine president about 1, 2, and 3. Basic reasoning.

— Hugh Hewitt (@hughhewitt) September 24, 2019

Grim reality is reaching into his memory core and is ripping out the wiring. 

And all Mr. Hewitt can do about it is sing "Daisy" slower and slower and slower...

Behold, a Tip Jar!