Tom Brokaw: The Return of the Dean of the Dead

As you may know, Tom Brokaw once owned the state of Montana* and used to while away his long weekends and lazy summers happily communing with his beloved cattle and wingnut neighbors. Unfortunately he had to put his demesnes on the block amid sexual misconduct allegations as the Architectural Digest awkwardly put it:

Tom Brokaw Lists 56-Acre Westchester Estate Amid Sexual Misconduct Allegations

These days Mr. Brokaw spends most of his time propped against the Keurig machine in the NBC break-room, frozen in a block of 1980s Reaganite, dreaming of cows and libertarians. 

Sometimes they brace him up with a couple of sawhorses and use him as a poker table, or a place to put the sheet cake when someone is having a birthday party, and sometimes he's put on display to remind tour groups of The Olden Days when NBC wasn't an utter embarrassment (some say when it's very quiet and you listen carefully you can hear him murmuring "tonight in Berlin it is freedom night".)

But by far his most important function at NBC is as a face which octogenarian viewers will vaguely remember as credible, and will reliably stick to the Both Sides Do It party line regardless of the time or circumstances.  Because at long last he only has that one, lonely thought whizzing around and around his brain at superconducting speeds.

Six years ago they thawed out Brokaw to appear on David Gregory's Meet the Press shit-show, and he literally could not wait two complete sentences before leaping to invoke the Great and Powerful "Both Sides Do It" lie:

TOM BROKAW:  Well, I really think that, behind the headlines-- this is the Washington Post this morning, and it says that, "Obama seems 2014 as key to his legacy." What we have going on here, 18 months out, are both sides positioning themselves for trying to retain control on the Republican side of the House, and maybe even win the Senate; the president trying to build a legacy of some kind. There's a whole lot of politics in this, as there is in everything else. Kind of two villages, clashing with each other, who seem to occupy a separate universe.

Six years later, on Chuck Todd's Meet the Press shit-show, they trotted him out again:

TOM BROKAW:  I really didn't think that you could widen the gap between the Beltway and the rest of the country any more, until this happened. And now, it's completely gone. I mean, you know, I told you earlier that I talked to these westerners who began by saying, "Like Trump, like his policies." Then, they said, "Wish he’d stop, wish he would stop tweeting all the time." Last time I talked to them, "He's a clown. I can't stand him. But it's still the policies that we believe in." But anywhere I go, Republican, Democrat, or Independent, "Why can't they talk to each other and find common ground?" Every community in America finds a way to build a new school or to do something about downtown. But here, we can't do it, because we breathe the same air. And it's toxic, in its own way, about what needs to be done and how seriously people take their very minute positions on something...

And then, holy moly, this...

TOM BROKAW:  And a lot of this, we don't want to talk about. But the fact is, on the Republican side, a lot of people see the rise of an extraordinary, important, new constituent in American politics, Hispanics, who will come here and all be Democrats. Also, I hear, when I push people a little harder, "Well, I don't know whether I want brown grandbabies." I mean, that's also a part of it. It's the intermarriage that is going on and the cultures that are conflicting with each other. I also happen to believe that the Hispanics should work harder at assimilation. That's one of the things I've been saying for a long time. You know, they ought not to be just codified in their communities but make sure that all their kids are learning to speak English, and that they feel comfortable in the communities. And that's going to take outreach on both sides, frankly.

Which was so tone-deaf even for Brokaw that the media corporation that owns him made him apologize:

NBC's Brokaw apologizes for saying Hispanics should 'work harder at assimilation'

Brokaw's brain (not "Broca's Brain") is so far past its sell-by date that if NBC were merciful it would buy him a nice little pasture and stock it with a few head of cattle and a few garrulous wingnuts and put him out to it.

But media corporation are not built for mercy, or kindness, or fairness or justice.  They are relentless profit-making machines and today they needed to squeeze one more Both Siderist mission out of this tired old man. 

Throw him on one more grenade. 

And so...

Tom Brokaw on @Morning_Joe asking for an elevated debate on gun violence . . . Decrying how both sides are using terrible language.

Yes, I'm sorry for being evil enough to scream about being targeted for my heritage and last name.

— Omar Flores (@GohfR) August 5, 2019

It is time for Tom Brokaw to retire. He is no longer relevant. He just blamed “both sides” for hateful rhetoric.#MorningJoe #MSNBC

— kathy hurley (@hurlgirl) August 5, 2019

I'd say that NBC should be ashamed of itself, but media corporations are not built for shame or remorse either.

Behold, a Tip Jar!

* Not a fact.