Hello Dickless My Old Friend

I've come to talk to you again...

Yesterday I made a simple prediction about America's Most Ubiquitous Conservative Thought Leader, Mr. David Brooks:

@Karoli @Shoq @nytimes @bluegal @GoAngelo Ha! Actually, I'm expecting him to crank out some semi-pornographic paean to Fiorina.

— driftglass (@Mr_Electrico) September 18, 2015

Audio of me casting this rune as we recorded the Pro Left Podcast yesterday is also available here thanks to my wife's mad skillz.

This is the headline of today's David Brooks column in America's newspaper of record:

The Marco Rubio-Carly Fiorina Option

And this is Mr. Brooks' takeaway from Wednesday's Blight at the Museum:

...

Over the summer the burn-down-the-house crowd had an amazing run, but if this week’s debate is a sign of anything, it is that the party is going to go off on a different trajectory. The outsiders are about to slide...

That doesn’t mean the party will snap back to its old establishmentarian tendencies...

Instead, the party will veer on a course midway between outsider and establishment. It will probably end up with some hybrid candidate — sharp of tongue, gifted in self-expression and yet still anchored in the world of reality.

That’s where Carly Fiorina and Marco Rubio come in. So far, Fiorina has looked like the most impressive candidate. She has a genius for creating signature moments. (“If you want to stump a Democrat, ask them to name an accomplishment of Mrs. Clinton’s.”) But her spotty record at Hewlett-Packard probably means she can’t start at the top of the ticket.

...

"Spotty". Heh. "Spotty".



The alert reader will notice that, while he believes Ms. Fiorina's "spotty" record as a destroyer of companies takes too much chrome off her bumper to allow her to lead the clown parade,  Mr. Brooks is completely untroubled by the virtually unbroken string of lies which Ms. Fiorina confidently barfed out on stage Wednesday.

And why should it trouble him?

After all, Mr. Brooks is running exactly the same falsify-the-past con game from behind a keyboard at the New York Times that Ms. Fiornia is running from behind her podium, and there is still a little honor among Conservative thieves.  In fact, those of you with longish memories might recall Fiornia and Brooks tag-teaming bullshit and Both Siderism on behalf of the dying Romney campaign on "Meet the Gregory" back in October, 2012:

Visit NBCNews.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Returning to the present day, we find Mr. Brooks once again back in the business of bold predictions about the awesome future of his Republican Party:

...

This debate was one moment in time, but you can see the vectors of where this campaign is headed. This is no longer Bob Dole’s or George H.W. Bush’s G.O.P. But it’s not going to completely lose its mind, either.

It’s going to be somewhat the same, but edgier and more renegade...

And once again, longtime readers will recall that Mr. Brooks has an extensive record of making exactly these same kinds of predictions every few months...and being proven hilariously fucked-in-the-head wrong Every Single Time.  Here are a few of the more entertaining examples from years gone by...

The collapse of the Obama agenda:

David: The final point is that this election marks the end of the Obama presidency’s power on the domestic front...

The bright future of the GOP circa 2001:

Competent Conservatives, Reactionary Liberals
JAN 15, 2001 

We seem to be entering a period of competent conservatism and reactionary liberalism. George W. Bush has put together a cabinet long on management experience and practical skills. But liberal commentators and activists, their imaginations aflame, seem to be caught in a time warp, back in the days when Norman Lear still had hair.
...

Don't worry kids!  Dubya has done got rid of all the crazies:

President Bush has broken the libertarian grip on the GOP.

Trillion dollar tax cuts for the rich?  Of course we can afford them!

 The real question about the Bush tax cuts, then, is not, Can we afford them? The real question is, Why are they so small?

Bigots?  What bigots?

The GOP is not intolerant...

Now that the Iraq War is over and Bush has been proven completely right (April, 2003)

... Now that the war in Iraq is over, we'll find out how many people around the world are capable of facing unpleasant facts.

And so on.

There remains enormous profits and honors to be reaped by those who craft custom political pornography for Upper East side plutocrats who still desperately want to pretend that the GOP is not really the depraved zombie goonmob of idiots and bigots which they clearly are...or that at least there is some equally depraved Commie goonmob of Dirty Hippies overrunning the Left. Ergo Both Sides!  Ergo I don't have to feel bad giving money to brownshirts because at least I get my fucking tax cuts.

And there is no profit whatsoever in telling the simple truth about the easily observable reality of American politics as it exists today.  Only pariah-hood and the camaraderie of one's fellow outcasts.

But if you look carefully, down around the poverty line, beneath layers of grime and neglect, the words of the prophets are still written on the subway walls.