Friday, September 18, 2015

Hello Dickless My Old Friend

I've come to talk to you again...

Yesterday I made a simple prediction about America's Most Ubiquitous Conservative Thought Leader, Mr. David Brooks:

Audio of me casting this rune as we recorded the Pro Left Podcast yesterday is also available here thanks to my wife's mad skillz.

This is the headline of today's David Brooks column in America's newspaper of record:
The Marco Rubio-Carly Fiorina Option
And this is Mr. Brooks' takeaway from Wednesday's Blight at the Museum:
Over the summer the burn-down-the-house crowd had an amazing run, but if this week’s debate is a sign of anything, it is that the party is going to go off on a different trajectory. The outsiders are about to slide...

That doesn’t mean the party will snap back to its old establishmentarian tendencies...

Instead, the party will veer on a course midway between outsider and establishment. It will probably end up with some hybrid candidate — sharp of tongue, gifted in self-expression and yet still anchored in the world of reality.

That’s where Carly Fiorina and Marco Rubio come in. So far, Fiorina has looked like the most impressive candidate. She has a genius for creating signature moments. (“If you want to stump a Democrat, ask them to name an accomplishment of Mrs. Clinton’s.”) But her spotty record at Hewlett-Packard probably means she can’t start at the top of the ticket.

"Spotty". Heh. "Spotty".

The alert reader will notice that, while he believes Ms. Fiorina's "spotty" record as a destroyer of companies takes too much chrome off her bumper to allow her to lead the clown parade,  Mr. Brooks is completely untroubled by the virtually unbroken string of lies which Ms. Fiorina confidently barfed out on stage Wednesday.

And why should it trouble him?

After all, Mr. Brooks is running exactly the same falsify-the-past con game from behind a keyboard at the New York Times that Ms. Fiornia is running from behind her podium, and there is still a little honor among Conservative thieves.  In fact, those of you with longish memories might recall Fiornia and Brooks tag-teaming bullshit and Both Siderism on behalf of the dying Romney campaign on "Meet the Gregory" back in October, 2012:

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Returning to the present day, we find Mr. Brooks once again back in the business of bold predictions about the awesome future of his Republican Party:
This debate was one moment in time, but you can see the vectors of where this campaign is headed. This is no longer Bob Dole’s or George H.W. Bush’s G.O.P. But it’s not going to completely lose its mind, either.

It’s going to be somewhat the same, but edgier and more renegade...
And once again, longtime readers will recall that Mr. Brooks has an extensive record of making exactly these same kinds of predictions every few months...and being proven hilariously fucked-in-the-head wrong Every Single Time.  Here are a few of the more entertaining examples from years gone by...

The collapse of the Obama agenda:
David: The final point is that this election marks the end of the Obama presidency’s power on the domestic front...
The bright future of the GOP circa 2001:
Competent Conservatives, Reactionary Liberals
JAN 15, 2001 
We seem to be entering a period of competent conservatism and reactionary liberalism. George W. Bush has put together a cabinet long on management experience and practical skills. But liberal commentators and activists, their imaginations aflame, seem to be caught in a time warp, back in the days when Norman Lear still had hair.
Don't worry kids!  Dubya has done got rid of all the crazies:
President Bush has broken the libertarian grip on the GOP.
Trillion dollar tax cuts for the rich?  Of course we can afford them!
 The real question about the Bush tax cuts, then, is not, Can we afford them? The real question is, Why are they so small?
Bigots?  What bigots?
The GOP is not intolerant...
Now that the Iraq War is over and Bush has been proven completely right (April, 2003)
... Now that the war in Iraq is over, we'll find out how many people around the world are capable of facing unpleasant facts.
And so on.

There remains enormous profits and honors to be reaped by those who craft custom political pornography for Upper East side plutocrats who still desperately want to pretend that the GOP is not really the depraved zombie goonmob of idiots and bigots which they clearly are...or that at least there is some equally depraved Commie goonmob of Dirty Hippies overrunning the Left. Ergo Both Sides!  Ergo I don't have to feel bad giving money to brownshirts because at least I get my fucking tax cuts.

And there is no profit whatsoever in telling the simple truth about the easily observable reality of American politics as it exists today.  Only pariah-hood and the camaraderie of one's fellow outcasts.

But if you look carefully, down around the poverty line, beneath layers of grime and neglect, the words of the prophets are still written on the subway walls.


bowtiejack said...

". . . I don't have to feel bad giving money to brownshirts because at least I get my fucking tax cuts."

Fiorina and Trump are successful because they are successful business gangsta's. You can loot, bribe, grift, cheat and lie, as long as you end up with the money. A trail of devastation and bankruptcies in your wake? Notta a problem!

That Grantland Rice guy was so off the mark (was he a Muslim ya think?). It doesn't matter how ya play the game, it's whether ya anoint yourself a winner. And if you have to do that by stealing the trophies off the stand before they hand them out, so be it. A winner is a winner!

'Member what that French guy said?

"As one digs deeper into the national character of the Americans, one sees that they have sought the value of everything in this world only in the answer to this single question: how much money will it bring in?"
Alexis de Toqueville

John Taylor said...

Worse than Fiorina's lying and her terrible record at HP is her warmongering. If elected she promised to kiss Netanyahu's ring and face off with Russia and Iran in a dangerous nuclear dance.

OBS said...

Off topic, and you may have already heard this: via Tengrain at mockpaperscissors I just found out that Shuck Todd gets a new show:

“Then, on Monday, September 28, Chuck Todd’s new show will debut at 5pm. MTP Daily will bring the insight and power of Meet the Press to our air every day of the week. We hope it will become the daily cable news show of record for the 2016 campaign.”

Can a Christian in the audience tell me if this is a sign of the apocalypse or something?

Robt said...

On the question,

It is merely an omen of a sign of many yet to cometh.

You did get the memo?

dinthebeast said...

"...midway between outsider and establishment..." He just can't help himself. Unless you count the money, then he can help himself.

-Doug in Oakland

Green Eagle said...

"It will probably end up with some hybrid candidate..."

Fat chance. The last time the Republican candidate wasn't the choice of the rich guys was Barry Goldwater, and they made sure that that would never happen again.

Jeb! here we come. Wheeeeee!

Kathleen O'Neill said...

I heard Brooks procreating that poultry on NPR's weekly "Politics" segment with EJ Dionne, and he kept repeating how she had a gift for seizing the drama of the moment of some such, as did Rubio.

Your title so nails captures what a pathetic weasel he is.

Kathleen O'Neill said...

Ha! DougJ at BJ posted this tasty bite sized Brooks morsel:

"Rubio is young and thus uncorrupted, and he is a genius at relating policy depth in a way that is personal."

New Brooks script: Rubio of The Pures needs a wise and humble sherpa like himself to help Marvelous Marco navigate the sharp cliffs and treacherous pathways to fame and renegady stuff.

John MacCuish said...

Brooks needs an editor. Here, let me give it a try: "it’s completely lost its mind, but in a way that is edgier and more renegade than in the past. Indeed, it has become positively mavericky."

The Palinization of the Republican Party is complete. Move over David, Bristol is the new spokesperson.

Jerry B said...

"...yet still anchored in the world of reality."

Bring a tear to my eye.

Kevin Holsinger said...

Good morning, Mr. Glass.

BLUE GAL: Driftglass, how do you write conservatives so well?
DRIFTGLASS: I think of a liberal. Then I take away reason and accountability.

---"As Good As It Gets," paraphrased.

Be seeing you.

I fought the lawn. And the lawn won. said...

And there is no profit whatsoever in telling the simple truth about the easily observable reality of American politics as it exists today. Only pariah-hood and the camaraderie of one's fellow outcasts.

The 2 + 2 = 22 campaign will have a multi billion dollar budget and constant propaganda campaign on Fox News.

A few diehard liberal eggheads will insist that 2 + 2 STILL equals four, but they will be ignored and mocked.

The impartial news media will carefully analyze the distance between 4 and 22 (eighteen) and in order to be fair to both sides, will divide that difference in half (nine).

Then they will announce that non-politicals, non-zealots support a moderate '2 + 2 = 13' position.