Unless you have, oh, let's call it a Very Deeply Vested Interest in pitching a permanent camp on the floor of the Valley of Utter Denial for the rest of your life, figuring out what the Hell happened to the American Conservative movement really isn’t that hard.
See, starting about 40 years ago, the Party of Personal Responsibility began fucking anything that moved.
It really is just about that simple.
There were gun nuts. And Birchers.
There were anti-women neanderthals. And gen-u-ine, 100% cross-burning Klansmen.
Christopaths.
Neo-nazis.
Militia thugs.
Homophobes.
Terrorist sympathizers.
Purity Ball Kooks.
Anti-labor douchbags.
Hate radio demagogues.
Terri Schiavo is Alive-O cultists.
Anti-immigration goons.
Moonies.
The Geocons, Meocons and Cronyocons (about which you can learn more in Volume One of my "2005 Field Guide to Conservatism".)
The "Chicken-of-the-Sea"-o-cons, “100%-Tax-Free”-o-cons, ”Ennui”-o-cons, “O-P-P”-o-cons and ”Nimby”-o-cons (about which you can learn more in Volume Two of my 2005 "Field Guide to Conservatism".)
Bill Kristol.
You name it.
To bulldoze their radical “Destroy All Gummint” agenda right through the heart of the Land of the Free, time after time Conservatives were only too happy to stagger into the alley and stick their junk into any weirdo group that would hike up its electoral skirt in exchange for promises of power and prestige once the Glorious Reagan Revolution has been accomplished:
“Oh, yeah,” they whispered to the Coulters and the Falwells. “You, ‘n me, we have this…Conservative connection. Can't you feel how soooo Right this is?”
“You promise this…this…this isn’t just some Primary fling?” the Robertsons and the Malkins asked. Trembling. Venomous. Ready. “’Cause I’ve been hurt before.” Glances at yellowing pictures of George Wallace, Curtis LeMay and Father Coughlin pinned to the wall.
“No, no, sugar-votes. This is fer reals. I want you to have mah babies!”
Cue the wakka-ja-wakka music...
And fade to victory.
Now, 30 years later, what’s left of these same Conservatives have finally started to notice that their political genitalia is all lit up like a pustular Christmas Tree with oozing Newt-shaped sores, and their Shining City on a Hill has been overrun with hyper-aggressive, ethically-stunted inbred dimwit freaks who all point at the mile-high sculpture of Saint Ronald Reagan in the Shining City Mall Atrium and squeal “Daddy!”
And how do the Greatest Conservative Public Intellectuals in America react?
They Dance, Baby!
They Dance!
I don’t hear what I don’t want to hear.
...I look, but I don’t see.
...
I've some counsel I can give
You need but ask it.
I'm so very glad to share this good advice.
You've got to learn how not to be
Where you are.
The more you face reality,
The more you scar.
So close your eyes and you'll become
A movie star
Why must you stay where you are?
You've got to learn how not to see
What you've seen...
3 comments:
Now, 30 years later, what’s left of these same Conservatives have finally started to notice that their political genitalia is all lit up like a pustular Christmas Tree with oozing Newt-shaped sores, and their Shining City on a Hill has been overrun with hyper-aggressive, ethically-stunted inbred dimwit freaks who all point at the mile-high sculpture of Saint Ronald Reagan in the Shining City Mall Atrium and squeal “Daddy!”
...a national treasure I tell you.
Usual excellence prevailing at the Castle, I see.
Along the same line, I saw at another blog, don't remember which right now, the opinion that the NYT had been a secret NeoCon (emphasis on the "con") paper for about 25 years. Hard to get my mind around that easily but according to that source it happened around the time of Iran/Contra when all good reporting on the R'thugs ceased and the Times began a new career as stenographer for the White House (except for being firmly in the camp of supporting Clinton's impeachment).
Somehow, I'm starting to see the sense in this viewpoint.
Imagine the price they paid (seemingly willingly).
Thanks for all you do to keep us informed of today's new cons (clown show).
S
And how do the Greatest Conservative Public Intellectuals in America react?
_______________
That actually looks like they could have sat for that portrait.
And now, I reeeally need some posts from you about science fiction and how to make the ladies love you.
Just to cleanse the palette.
BG
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