Sunday Morning Comin’ Down

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For some reason, that viperish slab of squiffling poo named Joe Lieberman was on “Face the Nation” .

Again.

Honestly, if it weren’t for him opening his sanctimonious lie-hole and making little uuur-ghuur-aaar noises, I would have assumed it was some form of teevee screen burn-in from his last 22,822 turns in front of the same cameras.

I for one was disappointed that he was not welcomed back for his 22,823rd performance with a little, traditional seasonal music:

They have a little twaddle
They made him out of clay
And when he's derailed health care
Then twaddle they shall pay!

Oh - twaddle, twaddle, twaddle
They made him out of clay
And when he's derailed health care
Then twaddle they shall pay!

He has a one-man Party
And an oily little grin
And when he's done their bidding
More riches will they win.

Oh - twaddle, twaddle, twaddle
They made him out of clay
And when he's derailed health care
Then twaddle they shall pay!

They have a little twaddle
They made him out of clay
And when he's derailed health care
Then twaddle they shall pay!

Their twaddle's is so ready
To sell out any friend,
That cash-and-carry treachery
Is called to "Pull a Lieberman".

Oh - twaddle, twaddle, twaddle
They made him out of clay
And when he's derailed health care
Then twaddle they shall pay!

And so forth.

Lieberman: This kind of health care reform is unnecessary! Gotta stop adding to the that health care bill. You gotta take out the controversial stuff. Like the public option. And getting rid of the insurance company’s anti-trust exemption. Then you could get some Republicans! Yay!

There was, of course, no mention that Lieberman is wholly owned by the insurance industry.

No mention that his wife makes her cribbage money humping the leg of some other people in the same band (from the Delaware Liberal):

Geez, you’d think that the Main Stream Media might have discovered that Pious Joe’s equally-pious wife has returned to her roots–as a lobbyist for the pharmaceutical and health care industries with conservative lobbying shop Hill & Knowlton, which also numbers AIG among its clients. She had previously worked for APCO Associates, a lobbying shop that included Pfizer Pharmaceutical and other drug companies as clients; and, before that, as director of Policy, Planning, and Communications (aka ‘lobbying’) at Pfizer from 1982-85.
...

Because I guess that would be rude.

Fake Democrat Ben Nelson let fly that every single piece of controversial legislation has had bipartisan support.

But that’s not exactly true, is it Ben? (from the Washington Monthly)

Most Republicans really did "oppose Medicare from the start." As recently as the 1996 presidential campaign, Bob Dole bragged about having voted against the original bill. And for years, GOP leaders have "called for cutting Medicare." Indeed, the McCain/Palin platform called for significant cuts to the popular program.

Schieffer: These two Democrats – Ben Nelson and Joe Lieberman – say that, if you’d just drop the yadda yadda yadda, then they would support the bill.

But that’s not exactly true either, is it Bob?

Because Joe. Lieberman. Is. Not. A. Democrat.

Mitch McConnell: It is noteworthy that you needed to have three Democrats on to explain the democrat position.

McConnell: All of these Democrats…

McConnell: None of the Democrats you had here…

OK, now this just creepy.

Joe Lieberman is Not A Fucking Democrat.

While McConnell may not have the slightest fucking clue what Party his dear colleague belongs to, he is absolutely sure that We The People are not in favor of a single payer system, which Ol’ Mitch characterized as a ”European-style gummint takeover of the health care system”.

Which is, of course, another lie.

A single-payer system simply means the gummint pays the bills.

But I think we can forgive Ol’ Mitch a little of his horseshit. After all, he is a Republicans, and the Republican Party is notoriously well-known to be he Party of goatfuckers.

And since the American people are overwhelming opposed to goatfucking, we can conclude that all, good, non-goatfucking Americans hate the GOP.

Which means that the overwhelming majority of We The People either hate Mitch McConnell outright, or just wish he would stop fucking their goats.

Which might not be strictly true, but apparently that doesn’t matter anymore, so wheeeee!

Schieffer closed out the show with a little homily to the old-fashioned virtue of not whoring yourself to get on teevee since the the only thing capable of validating the lives of so many empty people in our failed culture in a massive infusion of spotlight.

By any means necessary.

For the rest of the day, Schieffer’s network – with is not bad as such networks go -- will feature grown men slamming the crap out of each other for million dollar paydays. Later in the week, Schieffer’s network will run such programs as the celebrity dumpster diving “Inside Edition”, and “Survivor”, the granddaddy of the “Eat A Bug/ Gossip About Your Competitors/Get Famous” school of reality teevee.


On “Meet the Press”

Jobs.

Dr. Christina Romer (chair of the President's Council of Economic Advisers) tells us that the job situation sucks. Also banks need to lend money.

David Gregory is shocked and horrified that getting us the hell out of the cess pit the GOP spend the last 30 years digging might actually cost money.

On the ensuing panel discussion, Governor Jennifer Granholm (D-Michigan) has the right idea:

Worker retraining bitches!

The rest of the panel was filled out with three of the most prominent failures of 2008.

Mitt Romney, who lost to the 2,000 year old man who, in turn, got his ass handed to him by a one term Senator named Barack Hussein Obama.

Alan Greenspan Mr. Andrea Mitchell , who last year saw everything he ever believed blow up in his face, and his Monetary Temple to Ayn Rand burned down to the studs.

And Jim Cramer, who spent much of last year having his ass spanked off with a framing hammer by Jon Stewart.

So of course, if you have 30 minutes of prime Sunday Morning real estate to fill, you’d definitely want to be pointing a camera at that pantheon.

Romney: The stimulus has been a failure.

Of course it has, Mittens.

Romney: So let’s cut more taxes!

Of course we should, Mittens.

Like David Gregory, over on “Fox News Sunday” was Chris Wallace terribly concerned that keeping America from tipping into decade long Depression and permanent feudal state might actually cost money in a way that would not produce awesome video footage of Fox News “journalists” covering brown people being righteously bombed off the face of the Earth someplace far, far away.

Republican Senator Judd Gregg is also suddenly very concerned that “We’ll pass along an insolvent country to our children!”

On the subject of “Climate Change -- or as FoxNews keeps frantically trying to label it, "Climate-gate" -- we hear from both sides of the “controversy”: Unfrozen Caveman Climate Denier James Inhofe, and Upright Bipedal Not-Crazy Person Rep. Ed Markey, D-Mass.

Senator Inhofe – in case you didn’t know it – has decided to create his own, alternate foreign policy League of Extraordinary Bitumen and is going to Copenhagen make sure that the some member of the Wingnut Party is there to scream “Liar!” at the President of the United States on foreign soil.

He will also, presumably, wipe his ass with his napkin at lunch, light up a cigar in a cathedral, snort that “You Copacabanians would all be speaking German is it waddn’t for us!”, ask the ambassador if he knows where a country boy from Tulsa could hook up with some hot, Danish goats to fuck, then scream at his cab driver for not speaking Murrican.

Among Inhofe’s objections to the “Liberal Bill” is that it was “passed in the middle of the night! On a Saturday!”

When, presumably, Senator Inhofe was out fucking goats with the rest of his GOP buddies.

Chris Wallace: But won’t protecting the planet cost money!

Wallace: The UN Oil for Food Program was a disaster, so doesn’t that mean that all spending on anything overseas will be a corrupt clusterfuck?

As you compose your own answer to that question, pause and reflect that for eight years, dribbling goons like Inhofe and propagandists like Wallace stood by and smirked as the Cheney Administration pissed away billions of dollars into the sands of Iraq. As they literally shipped mountains of untraceable cash into a desert war zone, where it was briefly wallowed in, and then vanished.


On “This Week”

Republican Eric Cantor -- who must think you are actually stupid enough to believe him -- wants you to know that the REAL financial problem is too much regulations. A real overreaction on the part of some auditors to risk taking of any kind. Because we all got crazy rich by crazy-assed crap shooting with other people’s money taking calculated risk.

Later, George Stephanopoulos asked Arianna Huffington, to speak for all Progressives everywhere thoughout all time and space and explain whether a public option plus a Medicare buy-in would be good enough.

The first part of Arianna Huffington’s answer went like this:

“I zink Tom Friedman said it best, dahlink, when he said…”

I don’t know what second part of Arianna Huffington’s answer was as it was drowned out by the sound of my head beating a hole my kitchen counter.


On ”The Chris Matthews Show” Tweety wants to know why statistics show such a huge split over climate change. +80 of Conservatives – led by Boss Limbaugh -- thinks its all a fucking scam while +80 of Liberals buy it.

Why?

Dan Rather gingerly opined that a streak of American contrarianism explains it. That no matter what, some people think the Earth is flat. And, by golly, sometimes they’re right!

Matthews gingerly opined that those good, God-fearing working class conservative Murricans re-breathe Limbaugh’s bilious little beer farts because they’re afraid that this is some, huge, Commie conspiracy to take their jobs away.

No, see, Goldman Sachs is Giant Conspiracy to take your job away and sell your children into debt bondage forever. This climate change business is much more a matter of making sure that your children have a habitable planet on which to live, clean air to breathe, clean water to drink and like that.

They were all far to polite to say out loud what the real reason for the yawning statically chasm between Liberals and Conservatives on this issue:



On ” State of the Nation”

Larry Summers: Lobbyist spending jillions of dollars to gut financial regulation…after taxpayers had to spend squillions of dollars to bail them out…after they fucked us all because there was no regulation…isn’t how the country is supposed to work.

driftglass: Are you high? The rich buying off lawmakers and amping up the Pig People to help them screw the middle class while blaming the poor is exactly how this country works. Without an ample supply of Conservative meatsticks to help the oligarchs bury their bodies and frame their patsies, we’d hardly ever get a decent war for oil, or secret prison system, or mass wiretapping program or casino-economy off the ground.


Invoking George H.W. Bush, John King asked the subject of David Brooks’ current, fawning, Attractive Republican mancrush and Hero of Tanned Bilateral Symmetry, Republican Senator John Thune, eleventy different ways if, in the end, an agreement to lower the deficit might include some tax increases, would he support it. And being a good, Republicans Senator who remembers how Republican howler monkeys absolutely slaughtered George H.W. Bush, John Thune categorically refused to answer that question.

Instead he said the most amazing thing…

Thune said that bankers aren’t loaning money to ranchers because of…wait for it…waaaait for it…cap and trade. Also health care reform. Seriously. John Fucking Thune looked straight into a camera and said banks will only start lending again once heath care reform is killed and cap and trade legislation is strangled.

Thune should put up a flag, because he has managed to scale to wholly new plateau of bullshit.

Sure, Republicans always start out with the list of their Usual Suspects – women, minorities, damned filthy Liberals, the Liberal Media -- and then work their way backwards into weaving them some-or-all into another Giant Conspiracy Christmas Sweater big enough to cover their problems, bigotries and paranoid fantasies. Political dialogue on the Right, as Jon Stewart has pointed out, long ago degenerated into a game of Wingnut Mad Libs, but in the past this has usually come with at least some driveling attempt at bridging Topic and Scapegoat.

With his breakthrough today. Thune has finally cracked the Subject/Predicate Barrier.
Now with the development of “Thuning”, Conservatives need no longer bound by offering tiresome bunches of “explainy” words which, let’s face it, their followers neither comprehend nor care about.

Instead they are now free to simply bark out random grievances from Column A and hated stereotypes from Column B.

This will save everyone involved enormous amounts of time that could be better spent on other, more important matters.

Like rowing your angry, little boat all the way to Copenhagen to embarrass your President abroad.

Or fucking goats.