Plans to “…spend more time fawning over hookers and thugs and harassing my family with 20-year-old-quotes.”
Shortly before midnight Eastern Standard Time last night, Journalisming stepped to the microphone to concede defeat in the 2008 New Hampshire primary.
Here are excerpts from that speech:
…
In the past few days, however, it has become evident to me that I no longer have enough gall to continue pretending that I am anything other than a Brioni vortex of pampered stoopid. Something twinkly for the eye to distract you while my corporate sponsors rape your country back into a pre-Magna Carta feudal dystopia.
As long as I could mesmerize you out of noticing my serial lies and fuckups, I felt strongly that we could continue the charade of dividing the media world up into the Serious Villagers (a He Man/Woman-Haters club of high school keg hog Juniors who fill the world with a white noise of trivia and are almost always wrong about everything) and the Smelly Rabble (who are often right, or at least have the balls the ask Important Questions), that to do otherwise would be a dangerously destabilizing precedent for the future.
But with the disappearance of any remaining vestige or credibilty, I now believe that there is no longer a need for the agony to be prolonged.
…
I have never been a quitter: I can’t quit lying, drinking or falling in deep, deep man-love with every mumbling Authoritarian huckster who smells like my Daddy’s underpants. To quit pulling down a rock-star salary for squatting like a toad, reading polls numbers and old quotes and squinting ominously while my profession cries poormouth and dies in my arms is abhorrent to every instinct in my body.
But my “coverage” of the political season has been such an utter embarrassment that it now cannot be seen for anything short of what it was: Journalisming’s mass extinction event.
Honestly, I get everything important wrong always. I listen earnestly to proven liars and traitors. I roll my eyes at the truth. I like my sentences simple, declarative and five words long. I let the Bush Administration shit in my pockets and pee in my hair for seven years and thanked them for ”access”.
I told you Saint John McCain was dead. Money gone, bus stripped, living in boxes and begging for nickels under the off-ramp to that Bridge to the 21st Century.
That Romney or Mayor 9/11 already owned the nomination.
That the H.M.S. Clinton was unsinkable.
That Obama was a cute little water-skiing squirrel story
that would never come to anything.
Then, suddenly, the H.M.S. Clinton was doomed. Doomed I tells ya! Doooooomed! And Obama was riding to the nomination like Jebus riding into Jerusalem.
Therefore, I shall resign the Punditocracy effective at noon tomorrow. A committee of bloggers will be sworn in as the New Media at that hour in this office.
Because I am an idiot.
Full of sound and fury.
I signify nothing.
And you need to Stop. Listening. To. Me.
15 comments:
"Pardon me?"
(sigh) no, not this time . . .
But if I, as a blogger, went to work for Mainstream Media, I'd have to kill my blog and maybe even my self, in some allegorical way at least. No swearing in ceremony for me, dg. I know what my job and my place is, and it's not emulating Chris Mathews. Eww the thought of it.
What a relief! So... when will mass suicide enter the equation?
If only.
Since they have an attention span of about 2 minutes, this will not break their stride.
But I hope some people noticed. It is my understanding that TV watching declines each year. They will get correspondingly more frantic.
Without looking I know who you are talking about, it's that fucking bad.
Speaking of journamalism, while I was in the gym this morning, I watched some of a show (as much as I could stand without ripping the arm handles off the machine I was working out on) called "Morning Joe". It seems that the guy who runs the show is called Joe Scarboro, and he has a female sidekick called Mica something-or-other. Here are a few thoughts that ran through my head while I watched. (I'll leave out the vast majority of the "are you fucking kidding me!?"s.)
(1) The mode of verbal discourse on this show was like a group of 14-year-old high-school girls sitting in one of their bedrooms giggling and fawning over each other and figuring out which of their other friends is cool and which is icky. Joe and his sidekick made all sorts of little oblique inside references to personal characteristics of one another with lots of eye rolls and giggles.
Jesus Fucking Christ! This is what passes for a news show!? It was like fucking Tiger Beat on teevee.
(2) The corporatist agenda is so transparent, it's hard to imagine that anyone sees these jokers as anything other than shameless shills. Joe and his sidekick were discussing the economic outlook with their "economic correspondent at the Stock Exchange" (i.e., another 14-year-old sitting on the edge of the lace-trimmed bed in the room with pictures of Scott Baio on the wall).
The question they were addressing was what the Fed is going to do: (a) keep lowering interest rates so that "the economy grows", but at the expense of "inflation", or (b) don't lower interest rates, which keeps "inflation" in check, but at the expense of "growth".
Let's analyze what this economic jargon really means to real people, and then see if you can guess what 14-year-old Scott Baio fan thought was the best fucking thing to do for the "economy".
Option (a): "Keep lowering interest rates so the economy grows, but inflation rises". This means keep floating cheap money to the already-rich so they can continue feeding their compulsive gambling addiction to the financial markets, while poor and middle-class people on fixed incomes keep paying more and more for the shit they need to survive.
Option (b): "Keep interest rates steady to stabilize inflation, but at the expense of growth". This means make the rich stand pat with the grotesque wealth they already have wrested over the last decade from the pockets of the poor and middle-class, so that these poor and middle-class people can survive on their fixed incomes and the piddly wealth they still have left.
Do I need to tell you what was best for "the economy"?
(3) Piece de resistance: Jonah "Doughy Fucking Pantload" Goldberg was "interviewed" about his "analysis" of current Republican electoral prospects and his "book", "Liberal Fascism". I won't even go near the latter, as it has been necropsied at length by my blogosphere betters. I will say a few words, however, about the former.
Joe and his sidekick asked Doughload why he thought Republican Party electoral prospects are so completely, utterly, totally, gobsmackingly fucked. Doughpants said, and I swear on a stack of "Liberal Fascism" I am not shitting you, "Conservatives are victims of their own success".
Conservatives are Victims of Their Own Success!!??!! The mind boggles.
No more "TeeVee News" for me, I tell you what.
Physio Prof, you have no valid excuses. get on it.
http://www.blogger.com/create-blog.g
And that can be your first post, Physioprof. Cut and paste, baby.
Drifty, it's time to pay it forward for Steve. Tell this physioprof guy you will DELETE his comments until he gets his own blog. A real blog, too.
Physioprof you'll have an audience. I can't make many guarantees in this world but I know how to get some attention to others on the blogs. Just a bit.
You keep saying you want to give dg a little sumpin sumpin, maybe you could just pay him this way, his first offspring, as it were. (Don't get icky here.)
Just. Do. It.
oh and physioprof? my email is bluegalsblog AT gmail. Send me yours and let me know what I can do to help.
One last thing, Physioprof. This is what I mean by pay it forward. It's not a scary thing, unless you're afraid of clowns.
Can I just say how much respect I have for Rachel Maddow putting up with these mindless talking heads?
And physioprof, get a goddamn blog.
I like Wordpress.com, personally.
And Mike Huckabee is once again frolicking in the GOP's chiffon congeal, like a big, folksy, brown turd, and I can hardly wait to see if he can win in South Cackalack and give us the rare treat of watching Limbaugh, Coulter, Novak, Will, and Malkin, collectively shitting green nickels.
"Crazy Annie! Would you like a Timber or a Diamondback, for piety-attesting purposes?"
*g*
TRex (formerly the funniest voice on FireDogLake) quoted this article extensively (with kudos):
http://www.iamtrex.com/?p=178#more-178
Would someone mention who Journalisming is? (I don't have cable, nor does Google provide a quick answer).
Post a Comment