Holdin’ Sevens and Fours, eh?

The dreaded “Only-Mostly-Dead Man’s” hand!

OK, I got one of these from Ntodd and the other from StealthBadger (Note to self: remember to spend the rest of my days hunting NTodd and Stealthbadger with a Malkin’s monomania and a Chuck Colson’s purity of heart. One for sport, and the other for meat. Also pick up bread and pimento loaf in case the hunting thing doesn’t pan out.)

So to save a few pixels, using discredited South Korean recombinant cloning technology, I have crossbred these two bunny-cute blog list viral dealies -- the Meme of Four and the Seventh Son or Seventh Seal or whatever clever rhymie-dimie thing it’s called -- into an abomination in the sight of God.

You think I’m kidding?

Just look at the first two occurrence of the comingling of sevens and fours in the Old Testament:

Genesis 4:7, wherein God tells Cain, if you do good, then it’s all good, and we all go home limousines. If not, well, then you’re kinda fucked…

“If thou doest well, shalt thou not be accepted? and if thou doest not well, sin lieth at the door. And unto thee shall be his desire, and thou shalt rule over him.”

Talk about performance anxiety.

And then he whacks his brother?

Jeez.

Then we jump to Genesis 7:4, where it’s 3:00 in the morning and God is sitting at the kitchen table in his pit-stained wife-beater and the same nasty boxers he was wearing during the Creation. He’s drinking warm vodka, cleaning his Glock and talking to it about “makin’ the Earth cleeeeean” with that “Helter Skelter” glitter in his eye.

Noah’s scared – real scared – and sloooowly sidles towards the door, repeating “ThinkGoodThoughtsThinkGoodThoughts!” soundlessly to himself.

God (not yet blind-drunk, but definitely Odin-drunk) notices Noah’s slo-mo crab-walk towards the egress and flings a chair at him.

“Siddown, Boo,” Yahweh slurs, leering madly, “an’ lemme tell ya what the motherfuckin’ weather’s gonna be like next week.

Bwahahahaha!”

And God said, “For yet seven days, and I will cause it to rain upon the earth forty days and forty nights; and every living substance that I have made will I destroy from off the face of the earth.”

So needless to sat it is with some sense of numerological peril that I undertake this mission.

Four jobs you’ve had in your life:
1. Book stamper.
2. Destroyer of remaindered, cancelled and/or obsolete products.
3. Mock swordsman.
4. Code scribe.

Seven Books (or series) That I Love (in no particular order)
1. The Art of War
2. Hamlet (since there’s no slot for “Play”. Bastards!)
3. A Good Scent from a Strange Mountain
4. What We Talk About When We Talk About Love
5. The Sword of Constantine
6. Red Cavalry
7. Parable of the Sower

Four movies you could watch over and over:
1. Yojimbo.
2. Treasure of the Sierra Madre.
3. Casablanca.
4. Chinatown. (and maybe The Exorcist, ‘cause it just keeps getting funnier every time I watch it!)

Seven Of My Favorite Movies (adding three to the list from above…)
5. The Big Sleep.
6. The Matrix.
7. Kill Bill 1&2.

Four places you’ve lived:
1. Trailer.
2. Tent.
3. Apartment.
4. In utero.

Seven Things I Can't/Won't Do
1. Ski. Either though a revolving door, or just regular.
2. Touch my right elbow with my right thumb.
3. Stop…until my partner has 2-3 screaming orgasms. It’s a terrible flaw, I know.
4. Drink Pabst Blue Ribbon or Lite Beer of any pedigree.
5. Under any circumstances get worked up over celebrity diets, pregnancies, fucking, tiffs or intrigue generally.
6. Go there.
7. Believe in an Intelligent Designer who created our genitalia within arms reach, gave us opposable thumbs and oversized imaginations…and yet doesn’t want us to have a naughty good time with all three.

Four TV shows you love to watch: (taking the liberty of making this more temporally-inclusive)
1. Homicide.
2. Family Guy.
3. Lost.
4. Babylon Five

Seven Things To Do Before I Die
1. Beat Paul Newman at pool.
2. Change someone’s mind about something they’re dead wrong about.
3. Karaoke the theme from “Shaft” in front of 50,000 screaming fans.
4. Get that thing looked at.
5. Watch the GOP sink beneath the waves of history.
6. Write my novel. Publishing it would be terrific, but getting one under my belt is the important part.
7. Pack a bag and vanish for a few months. Just roam around.

Four places you’ve been on vacation
1. St. Thomas.
2. Ireland.
3. The Rockies.
4. Cardboard fort

Seven Things That Attract Me To... Blogging
1. Steve Gilliard kicked me out.
2. The chicks.
3. Having something I’d been bitching about at, say, a party and then posted show up scattered around the blogosphere as a topic of discussion.
4. The conversation and interplay between smart, opinionated people.
5. No editor. Yes, I could use a trim or an scythe sometimes, but still…
6. The writing. The fucking brilliant writing that just rains down from Heaven in such abundance and in so may shapes and flavors that I can’t begin to take it all in.
7. I feel tremendous pressure to get this question right. I wanna win that car !

Four websites you visit daily:
1. The News Blog
2. Wolcott
3. Atrios
4. Shakespeare’s Sister

Seven Things I Say Most Often
1. Really? (One eyebrow cocked.)
2. Really?! (Both eyebrows at attention)
3. Because you’re wrong, that’s why.
4. OK, now what haven’t you told me?
5. No, I wasn’t sleeping. What’s up?
6. Don’t worry. We can fix it.
7. Have you checked to see if it’s plugged in?

Four of your favorite foods
1. Tamari Chicken.
2. BBQ (Lem’s or Ribs-n-Bibs).
3. Sweet Potato Cheesecake with hot, drizzled caramel sauce.
4. Half the menu at “Heaven on Seven.”

Seven Impractical Things I Think Would Be Really Cool Anyway (Or: Why I'm Not King Of The World)
1. Making the Dalai Lama the Governor General of the Middle East from Israel to Afghanistan.
2. Free. Wireless. Everywhere.
3. Decriminalizing everything that consenting adults do that victimizes no one. And, no: offending Sweet Baby Jesus doesn’t count as victimizing anybody.
4. Increasing funding for education and NASA tenfold.
5. Increasing the funding for alternative energy research 100-fold.
6. Submission to lie detector testing as a prerequisite to running for and holding public office.
7. Taxing churches. And stupidity.


Four places you'd rather be:
1. Shooting pool and having a beer.
2. Sipping scotch at Sonotheque and enjoying the sight of sweaty women dancing.
3. Watching “A Night At The Opera” at the Music Box.
4. In a haze of sweet-smelling pipe-smoke listening to my late grandpa tell stories about when he was young.


Seven People That I Want To Tag

Ann Coulter. Bill O’Reilly. Sean Hannity. Phyllis Schlafly. The Reverend Righteous E. Pecksniff. David Brooks.

And all the Kooky Keyboard Kommandos over at LGF!

C’mon, kids! We’ve got Old Man Limbaugh’s barn…and all these costumes.

Let’s put on a putch!