Saturday, June 06, 2026

Stupid Is The Fire In Which We Burn


Lest you think Trump's manifold acts of corruption, extortion, treason and unhinged racist lunacy are penetrating the MAGA groundwater, let me disabuse you of that notion right now.  

And to do that, I need us to take a little walk down memory lane.  Specifically, to 14 years ago, before Trump slouched out of the Republican id to swallow the GOP whole.  It was a time during which all your favorite future Never Trumpers were swearing up and down that everything was fine, that the Party of Lincoln had never shone so brightly,  and anyone who suggested otherwise was openly mocked as a crackpot.

While they were busy ignoring what was going on with the base of their own party, this is what your 'umble crackpot scrivener was writing about the state of the Right:

The entire Conservative enterprise is built on delusion and old dynamite, which is why every clock much forever remain stopped at one minute after Reagan's inauguration, every fact must be smothered under the stasis field of Rush Limbaugh roaring, rage-drunk bluster.  It is the sarcophagus of a dead ideology where the walls are now so densely postered and palimpsested with the detritus of Conservatism's lurid, lying history that its denizens cannot find the exit anymore, and its floors are so sticky and pitted with the grue of its savage, tribal, beat-in rituals that no one bothers to even look for the door.

Which is why  no deviation can be permitted, no error can be admitted and no apologies can be allowed.

As I wrote last year, this catastrophe all began as a headlong dive into the best fucking high the Right would ever have ...

Now the bender is over.

Outside, Reality's beating sun is stationed in the treetops, so bright and close to the Earth that it vaporizes shadows inside of pockets and purses, and through the sodden walls of their fragile fastness Conservatives they can feel its slippery photons circling their ideological clubhouse, sniffing the hinges and lintels like wolves, looking for a way in.

This time, there is no trick-or-treat scamper to safety for them in the kindly, Tea Party gloaming: no way to scuttle off to the next wingnut spider hole in a tri-corner hat and tights pretending they'd never even heard of George W. Bush. No, the rotting hulk of the Party of Lincoln has become their crypt, and inside of it there is nothing left for them but to sink forever deeper into the shadows until they become one with the darkness.

And from deep inside their narrow house, you can hear the terrified squeals of Conservatism's pasty, self-righteous, rigidly ignorant, sexually-terrified wingnut child-men trying frantically to spackle up the little holes through which modernity, complexity and reality continue to leak...

The point of pulling this out of the archives is threefold.

First, labor-saving.  Since I've been on this beat for a good long while and since Republican bigotry and depravity are an endless cycle of repetition and escalation, why not borrow from my younger and less emotionally exhausted self?

Second, to show why, for all their professed interest in talking with people whose viewpoints are different than their own, no way no how does any Never Trumper want to talk about which crew was actually right about the Right all along, and which team of esteemed paid professionals absolutely blew it.  

Third, and of more importance, is to put the cast-iron obstinance and denialism of the GOP base in its proper context.  They didn't suddenly get this way yesterday.  They've been this way for decades and, year after year, they've only gotten louder, stupider and more intransigent. They can no longer metabolize reality.  It's poison to them, so, marching under Trump's banner, they make war on it, and only get more berserk with fury the more Reality leaks into their lives.  

So, while irrefutable evidence of Trump's madness and venom rage all around us like a hurricane, and we're shouting at these idiots as loud as we can, "Can you see it now?   Can you see how bad it is now!" -- inside the shuddering hovel of their media bubble, they're busy grabbing anything they can to nail up over the windows to keep the storm at bay.

Two local examples.

First, there is the case of the Illinois Democratic legislator who, this last January, proposed giving local municipalities the authority to charge people a $5 permitting fee in unincorporated areas if they want to have an "open burn", and the flexibility of levy stiff fines if anyone conducts an "open burn" without a permit.  Important fact: this legislation -- which, I'll remind you, was proposed by one lone state congressperson in January and has gone nowhere since -- would in no way affect barbequing in your back yard, or having a cozy little marshmallow-toasting fire in a firepit in your back yard.  
State Rep. Briel: New bill is not targeting your campfire

The local MAGA meatheads went absolutely ballistic.  Jackbooted this and overreach that and the gummit telling you it's gonna slap you with a $100,000 fine if you have a weenie roast with the kids in the yard.  And of course the fact that this legislation would do none of those things was irrelevant to the ginned up firestorm (pun intended) that was whipped up on the Right.  Because all they fucking care about is having something scary and Liberal to shriek about to drown out all the actual catastrophes their Dear Leader is inflicting on this country in their name.

How bad is it?

It's worse than ballroom!



This is the pattern: a minor, local policy proposal becomes, through media amplification, a nationwide moral panic completely detached from reality.  

And remember kids, by the commutative law of MAGA meathead media, what one Democrat does, all Democrats are responsible for.  And if all Democrats everywhere don't stop what they're doing and unanimously denounce whatever ginned up claptrap Fox News is troweling out today, then all Democrats everywhere are guilty!guilty!guilty!

And when you tar the entire party with the slander-brush, don't forget to cram as many magic conjure words into the headline as possible.  For example, this from Murdoch's New York Post checks just about every box.  
Behind today’s radical, Jew-hating Democratic Party is a monster created by Barack Obama
Yes, they forgot to squeeze in Hillary's emails and Benghaaaazi, but I'm pretty sure that's a headline page-limit thing and not some swine of an editor having a mild attack of conscience and thinking, "Nah.  We dare not go that far."

Speaking of playing the hits is a desperate attempt to distract from how comprehensively Trump is fucking them over and what utter, drooling idiots this makes all of them look like, MAGA mouthbreakers are even dragging the already-infinitely-debunked "Clinton Kill List" out of cold storage.  

Because while their soft lizard brains are incapable of processing facts they don't like, they all have fond memories of the lies that made them feel smart.  Of the glory days of beating up on Hillary Clinton.     


Which is why we must...


Burn The Lifeboats



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