Eddie Glaude Jr. is Immensely Proud of and Deeply Fascinated By Everything Eddie Glaude Jr. Says

Some people use rain sounds to relax them and lull them to sleep at night.  Some people us whale songs.  Rumor has it that Eddie Glaude Jr. uses recordings   of Eddie Glaude Jr. talking in very long and spiraling sentences about how awesome Eddie Glaude Jr. is.  The cadence of a Creflo Dollar and the rising self-important sing-song academic umbrage of that professor in whose class almost all of us found ourselves entombed at least once in our lives.  

So relaxing, it could put coffee to sleep.

Once upon a time Eddie Glaude Jr. contented himself by using his words to explain to a national audience why he heroically could not vote for Hillary Clinton.  Just couldn't do it. 

Then, after Trump won, Eddie Glaude Jr. explained to his national audience how deeply disappointed he was that white folks had let him down.  

Wrote a whole thing about it here.  "Of Time and the River and Eddie Glaude, Jr."

So why is Eddie Glaude Jr. still a regular on Morning Joe?  Because Eddie Glaude Jr. knows the secret of beltway media success.  The One Rule to, uh, rule them all.  You know the one.

And so, when challenged about his staggering hypocrisy,  Eddie Glaude Jr. knew exactly which "Eject" button to push.  The same one all of our most dodgy Never Trump allies push all the time.  The one marked "It Has Been Decided At The Highest Levels That These Goofs Are Now Our Allies And Friends So Quit Asking Embarrassing Questions About What They Were Doing Before 2016".

And so, when asked embarrassing questions about what he was doing before the 2016 election...

So, you really think this is the appropriate moment for vote shaming?

— Eddie S. Glaude Jr. (@esglaude) June 1, 2020

And if he'd just kept his pie-hole buttoned then maybe he could have blended into the furniture and props of the Morning Joe set like the cushions and the table and Mike Barnicle.

But as I may have mentioned Eddie Glaude Jr. is immensely proud of and deeply fascinated by everything Eddie Glaude Jr. says, so it is not in his nature to, for the love of Touchdown Jesus, just shut the fuck up and cash that check.  

And so, inevitably...

In Martin Luther King Jr.’s “Letter From a Birmingham Jail,” he warns that one of the biggest hurdles to racial equality was the “white moderate.”@esglaude believes that President Joe Biden is the white moderate that King warned about.https://t.co/oPOJwwWa6u

— The Daily Beast (@thedailybeast) June 4, 2024

When this dropped, wiser heads stepped aside as qualified professionals arrived on-scene to properly spit-roast Mr. Eddie Glaude Jr.  For the record, here are a few of their rejoinders.

I literally laughed out loud because FUCK E. S. GLAUDE

— Ragnarok Lobster 🐺 (@eclecticbrotha) June 5, 2024

Mr. Glaude has made a career of being paid to make sh*t takes then being paid again to publicly lament the results of said takes. We haven’t taken him seriously for 8 year.#BidenHarris4MoreYears #BidenHarris2024#Biden2024#VoteBlue pic.twitter.com/ZuJuXhnRV0

— Serious Black 🗳 (@NicsuPR) June 5, 2024

There were hundreds like these, but this one was so gloriously below the water line it shoulda sunk him.

And @esglaude is the Black person MLK warned us about. pic.twitter.com/hUHUguopL8

— Methuselah Honeysuckle (@dhoodson) June 5, 2024

But you must remember that Eddie Glaude Jr. is never not the hero of the Saga of Eddie Glaude Jr.  And so...

Folks just want you to shut up and toe the line. I refuse. I understand the stakes of this election. I have said as much. But the price of that understanding cannot be silence. I know we have to defeat Trump AND criticize @potus if we think he’s wrong. That’s DEMOCRACY!

— Eddie S. Glaude Jr. (@esglaude) June 5, 2024

For today, here endeth the lesson

I Am The Liberal Media