Too Many Lifeboats, Not Enough Thermite

Important writer's note: Never start a story with "There I was..."

So there I was, having just finished my mammoth deconstruction of David Jolly's  'boutique, former-Republican, Third Way, "problem solving", "beyond partisanship" scam' as it was revealed to me by the Bulwark podcast.  A scam that Mr. Jolly launched in a market which was already thoroughly oversaturated with boutique, former-Republican, Third Way, "problem solving", "beyond partisanship" scams, and which Mr. Jolly pitches using every discredited, used-up, burnt-out Beltway media trope from 2015/16.

Anyway, there I was, gone gaunt from the effort.  Bleary-eyed.  Begrimed with the dirt of a thousand mouse-clicks, sore from a hundred corrected typos and glistening with the honest perspiration of my labors.  So off to the shower, where it took ten minutes to get rid of the stains and sweat and another twenty until I had rinsed that unclean feeling I get every time I read or listen to one of our "allies" trying to grift the general public out of their trust and hard-earned cash.

Feeling good.  Clean.  

Slip on my robe, sink into a comfortable chair and who knows?  Maybe watch a documentary on the tortured origins of the Garamond font.  Or Bridge on the River Kwai.  Or root around the internet for some godawful, no-budget slice of American International Pictures science fiction cheese.  

And then, unbidden, the thought came. "I wonder what those scamps at The Lincoln Project are up to?"  After all, my labors are done.  Podcast recorded.  What harm could come from dialing into the antics of those lovable tykes for five minutes.  If they're up to no good, I could make a few notes, set them aside, then join William Holden trekking back through the jungle (Jebus, I'd forgotten how big those bats are) to blow up a bridge.

Which is how I learned that The Lincoln Project is now boosting something called The Franklin Project (because everything's a project now and everyone owes Alan Parsons $5 now) except it's not that Franklin Project, or that other Franklin Project, but a completely a different Franklin Project.

So there I was, surrounded by Franklin Projects...

So this Franklin Project is being launched to "...address the increasing imbalance of power between the government and the governed, the creation of 'The Democracy Corps', and the state of civics education in the United States" which sounds innocuous enough.  After all, who doesn't love civics education and Democracy!  

And it is co-executive directed by Mr. Greg Jenkins and Ms. Erin Dobson. 

Both former-Republicans.  Both worked in Bush White Houses.

(RedAlert!)

And after about 16 minutes of obligatory happytalk about things which no one could possibly object to -- democracy, accountability, an informed public -- podcast host Reed Galen starts laying down the Both Siderist runway so these crazy kids can slowly bring their scam in for a landing.  

It begin with everyone's favorite non-specific villains.  "Some people".   Some people say everything is rigged.  Some people say it's all bullshit.  Some people think "the other side" is fundamentally against America.

As opposed to the Good Guys at the Franklin Project who...

Erin: Want to build group of like-minded citizens that are made up of every kind of every political persuasion, race, location, economic background -- something that's a tapestry, of kind of the voices of America...

So you want to build... the Democratic Party?

Cool.  But, y'know, we've already got one.

Erin:  ...then that's the reflection of our country that is in that Middle.

Erin said "in that Middle".  Everybody drink.  Because that's the where all of these boutique, former-Republican, Third Way, "problem solving", "beyond partisanship" scams go prospecting.  The Mythical Orphaned and Unloved Center.  And why has the Mythical Center -- the real America which is home to the very best people -- been abandoned?

Erin:  What're we've fallen victim to is listening to the loudest voices in the room.

Nope  "We" haven't "fallen victim" to anything.  Instead, "you" -- the mainstream media and the leadership the GOP -- have spent 30 years conspicuously ignoring the grave and growing threat coming from your party.  And that's not being a "victim", Erin.  That's being complicit.

Erin:  ...need to re-engage that silent group of people In The Middle

Middle.  Drink.

Greg:  If you listen to the voices that appear to be controlling the discussion... 

Wait for it.

Wait for it.

Greg:  ...they're the voices on The Extreme Ends.  Ask yourself, why are these extremes -- on the Left and on the Right -- in crazy-land on either side...

Greg said "on the Left and on the Right".  Everybody drink.  Oh, and fuck you, Greg, and the Fascist Party you helped to build.

Greg: ...why are they successful in driving any kind of a narrative?

Now you might be asking, who exactly is the crazy-town Extreme Left that Greg is talking, and what fucking narrative have they succeeded in "driving"?  Don't worry, eventually they'll get there.

Greg: It's the same dynamic that feeds how is it the party's decide who their nominees are.  

Hold up a second Greg.  You're telling me that your evidence that we on the Extreme Left (from deep within our narrative-driving lair in crazy-land) control the nomination process is that we nominated and elected that notorious radical ... grandpa Joe Biden?  

Wow.

Greg: It's the activists that show up during the caucuses and the primaries.  The vast majority the people don't bother to get engaged until, well, frankly, until it's too late.  It's a binary choice.  

Congratulation, Greg.  You are describing how elections work.  

Greg: If you feel like you're part of a tribe...

Greg said "tribe".  Everybody drink.

Greg: ...if you feel like you're party of the MAGA tribe -- if you feel like your part of the ultra-Left Wing or the ultra-Right Wing or whatever -- there's a collective dynamic that you touched on, Reed, that's really important. You feel like you're not alone.  So if I feel like I'm not alone and I'm wearing my MAGA hat, whether or not I see another MAGA person for the rest of my days, I know that I'm part of something bigger than me.  Therefor can agitate for kind of a collective perspective. 

Greg said "ultra-Left Wing or the ultra-Right Wing".  Everybody drink.

But hold up another second, Greg, because if this is a Both Sides problem, why won't you tell us which hats we Libtards are sporting to show our "tribal loyalty?  What are you hiding Greg? Or , Mother of Blog, could it be that we Lefties are so damn devious that we signify cult membership by not wearing hats at all!

The textual analysists out there will quickly spot that  "or whatever" is where Greg disappears entirely up his own ass.  Because the MAGA tribe did nominate and elect Donald Trump and then, after four years of corruption, failure, death and madness, they did re-nominate their Dear Leader and they did come out in even greater numbers for him than they did in 2016    And there is simply no equivalent whatsoever to be found on the Left, and Greg damn well knows it.  But his Franklin Project scam would be laughed out of town without an equally scary bogeyman on the Left, so Greg does exactly what everyone else working this grift does: he just makes one up and counts on friendly media not to push back too hard.

Greg: So what we want to do is give everybody else in the country...

A hat?  Does everybody get a hat?  Because in Slapstick (or Lonesome No More!), Kurt Vonnegut, Jr. has President Dr. Wilbur Daffodil-11 Swain using the power of the federal government to assign everyone a new middle name which was supposed to give everyone a sense of belonging.  For example, here is how one might deal with a panhandler in this fictional world:

You ask him his middle name, and when he tells you "Oyster-19" or "Chickadee-1" or "Hollyhock-13" you say to him: Buster - I happen to be a Uranium-3. You have one hundred and ninety thousand cousins and ten thousand brothers and sisters. You're not exactly alone in this world. I have relatives of my own to look after. So why don't you take a flying fuck at a rolling doughnut? Why don't you take a flying fuck at the moooooooooooon?

So, do we get hats?

Greg: ...give everybody else in the country sort of their own identity -- the Democracy Corps -- which allows them to assert a level of influence that they haven't been asked to exert before.

No hats, then.  Damn.  Well what about specific policies and issues over which there used to be genuine differences before the GOP gave up on governing entirely?

Greg:  We don't advocate for any particular policy or against any particular policy, except to the extent that a policy is inherently anti-democratic or authoritarian in nature.

The Franklin Project:  Solving today's most vexing problems by saying that they're someone else's problems.  

Cool.

And then comes some talk about "peeling away the onion" on issues and getting to "those things we can agree on".  Which describes a process called "governing" which  Republicans since Gingrich have been dedicated to sabotaging.

Greg:  A great example is voting rights...is obviously all over the news.  Texas, Georgia, elsewhere.

You mean voter suppression, right Greg?  You mean Republicans ramming through legislation everywhere they have control to make it harder to vote for people likely to vote for Democrats, right Greg?

Greg:  Now all people are hearing to make their decisions are the talking points from Both Sides.

Greg said "Both Sides".  Everybody drink.

Greg:  There are some aspects of talking points on Both Sides that have truth to them.

Greg said "Both Sides" again.  Everybody drink.

Greg:  But there are also motives underlying those talking points that aren't really discussed.

Don't know where you're getting your "news", Greg, but even out here in the middle of Middle America I can see that the motives behind the GOP trying to suppress voter turnout are discussed a lot.  

This is followed by a few minutes of pure, barnyard-grade bullshit about how, sure Democrats and Republicans both say stuff about voting, but maybe their motives are different than what they're saying!!  Greg has no actual evidence of anything: he just wants listeners to consider that maybe Both Sides have secret, nefarious reasons for their positions on voting, and that once they join the Franklin Project Democracy Corps, all may be revealed to them.

Erin:  The Franklin Project is an idea and a value system.  We're not going to tell people what to think or what side of an issue that they should be on.

But you already are, Erin. Because every time you and Greg and every other hack like you opens up your cake-holes to justify your boutique, former-Republican, Third Way, "problem solving", "beyond partisanship" scam by blaming Both Sides, you are very definitely telling them what to think.  You're telling them that Both Side are to blame.  Which is a god damn lie.

At this point, Mr. Galen wakes up long enough to correctly points out that, in fact, we're stuck with one party who believes in democracy and another party that "seems to be looking to jump overboard as quick as they can".  And then asks how these grifters explain that to someone who is upset by that but feels politically homeless. 

Greg:  Whenever an issue -- topical issue in particular -- comes up what people who are interested in these sorts of discussions immediately do is race to their corner of the boxing ring.

Wrong on two counts.

It's stupidly wrong because boxers don't go to their corners when the bell rings and the fight starts, they come out of their corners.  They head back to the corners when the round is over or when told to do so by a referee.  And it's cravenly and deliberately wrong to dodge the question by pretending that the actual sacking of the nation's capitol by one party bent on overthrowing an election was just another "topical issue" over which two parties disagree.

Greg:  What we want to do is tell people, y'know, before you go racing to your Republican or Democratic talking points. 

Greg said "Republican or Democratic talking points". Everybody drink.

Greg:  Before you go racing to what you hear on Fox or MSNBC. 

Greg said "Fox or MSNBC". Everybody drink.

Greg:  Before you say "Rachel Maddow said this" or "Brett Baer said this."...

I'll stop here because by this point you're probably knee-walking drunk.  

However, two more things before I sign off.

First, if you've followed any of the many, many boutique, former-Republican, Third Way, "problem solving", "beyond partisanship" scams that I've written about over the years, you will not fail to notice that they're all working from the same, ideologically bankrupt marketing material.  All singing slight variations from the same debunked Beltway media hymnal.  

And second, to Erin and Greg and all of the other Both Siderist flim-flam men and women working at every level of the American political media, why don't you take a flying fuck at a rolling doughnut? Why don't you take a flying fuck at the moooooooooooon?

Burn The Lifeboats