Friday, April 23, 2021

A Brief History of David Brooks



David Brooks 1999:  The Republican Party is awesome and the Lefties are idiots.

David Brooks 2000:  The Republican Party is awesome and the Lefties are cranks.

David Brooks 2001:  George Bush is fucking is awesome, gargantuan tax cuts are easily affordable, and the Lefties crazy for saying otherwise.  

David Brooks 2002:  George Bush is a military and economic genius, and anti-War Liberals are vicious crackpots who hate America.

David Brooks 2003:  The Iraq War is over.  Bush won.  Suck it Libtards!

David Brooks 2004:  The Iraq War is maybe not entirely over, but it's going great. Suck it Libtards!  Republicans rule!

David Brooks 2005:  The Republicans hit a little bump here, but it's all Tom DeLays fault and once they chase him out, they'll get back to being 100% awesome!  Also Harry Reid is a lying, tantrum-throwing baby!

David Brooks 2006:  OMG, Both Sides are horrible!  We need a Third Party!

David Brooks 2007:  Both Sides suck, but Liberals suck worse.  And how dare anyone suggest that St. Ronald Reagan ever used racism to get elected!

David Brooks 2008:  Definitely gonna be McCain!

David Brooks 2009:  These Tea Party/Independent voters who appeared out of nowhere are awesome and not one bit racist.  They're just the jolt of reformist energy the GOP needs to get back to being 100% awesome!

David Brooks 2010:  Why won't Obama compromise more?  Also I never said anything bad about Iraq War protesters.

David Brooks 2011:  Why won't Obama lead?

David Brooks 2012:  I was such a sap!  Obama was a Chicago political thug all along who never believed in bipartisanship.  I'm such a fool!.

David Brooks 2013:  The GOP has turned the corner and is on its way back to 100% awesomeness.

David Brooks 2014:  The GOP fully detoxified itself and is kicking all kinds of ass.  Nothing but blue skies and an unlimited future ahead.

David Brooks 2015:  Both parties suck.  Hey, how about a Third Party?  But don't worry, because Donald Trump is a joke and anyway Bernie Sanders is just as bad.  Maybe worse.

David Brooks 2016:  Quit fretting.  It's gonna be Rubio.

David Brooks 2017:  Don't worry.  The Republican establishment will keep Trump from doing anything crazy. Meanwhile, Conservatism is doing great.  Never better!  In fact a mighty "Reformicon" Conservatives renaissance is just around the corner and it'll be led by noted Conservative Big Brain [checks notes] Doughy Pantload Jonah Goldberg.  Also don't scare your poorer friends with fancy deli meats.

David Brooks 2018:  Maybe what we need is some kind of ... Third Party.  Because lemme tell ya, the Extremes on Both Sides yadda yadda yadda.

David Brooks 2019:  Can you spare a minute to talk about Jesus?  And, sure, Trump is pretty awful, but why make it worse by identifying which political party he represents?  Instead, let's agree that "congress" and "partisanship" and "tribalism" and "Washington" are the real problems.  

David Brooks 2020:  Democrats need to shut up and do what former Republicans tell them to do. Also once Trump is gone, I just know that, down deep, there are millions of decent Republicans who just want to get back to the good old days of [checks notes] 2014.

David Brooks, April 22, 2021:

The G.O.P. Is Getting Even Worse

Trumpians are having a venomous panic attack.

Those of us who had hoped America would calm down when we no longer had Donald Trump spewing poison from the Oval Office have been sadly disabused. There are increasing signs that the Trumpian base is radicalizing. My Republican friends report vicious divisions in their churches and families. Republican politicians who don’t toe the Trump line are speaking of death threats and menacing verbal attacks.

It’s as if the Trump base felt some security when their man was at the top, and that’s now gone. Maybe Trump was the restraining force.

What’s happening can only be called a venomous panic attack...

And of course what would any David Brooks column that dares to wag a disapproving finger at the deranged, fascist Republican Party be without the obligatory swipe at the wildly exaggerated excesses of the Left?

Over the last decade or so, as illiberalism, cancel culture and all the rest have arisen within the universities and elite institutions on the left, dozens of publications and organizations have sprung up. They have drawn a sharp line between progressives who believe in liberal free speech norms, and those who don’t.

There are new and transformed magazines and movements like American Purpose, Persuasion, Counterweight, Arc Digital, Tablet and Liberties that point out the excesses of the social justice movement and distinguish between those who think speech is a mutual exploration to seek truth and those who think speech is a structure of domination to perpetuate systems of privilege.

You know what?

Maybe -- just maybe -- this simpering, willfully myopic fraud with the political instincts of an anvil should not be paid a small fortune by America's newspaper of record to share his opinions with the general public.



Burn The Lifeboats

5 comments:

Lawrence said...

Could we get a list of who has ever missed a mortgage payment on their primary residence due to cancel culture? Going to be a lot of white space on that page.

Robt said...

I would think DFB reached the age of awareness and commitment.

That moment in all conservatives lives where they must make the pilgrimage to Mar A Lago.

To reveal his most submissive self to his Orange Lord and savior.

It is a rite that all American Taliban must make in this day and age.

joejimtree said...

He would have been a lot more convincing in his condemnation of his party, or whatever the hell you call it, if there had been one solitary word about race. You know, the prejudice and hatred which makes it all possible. Bu then, its not like he could have made a reference to a recently decided police violence court case or anything.

Robt said...

When one permanently chloroform the portions of the human brain.

There is no hearing aid, no glasses, no conversation which could take place to reach those human brains areas of reason. To critically think and resolve complex issues as well as the most simplistic.
In giving Brooks some reviewed time of his offerings to the public. I found no instance of enlightenment, never walked away from any Brooks espousals with something learned, never has added anything to any subject that Rush Limp-paw hadn't crudely and nauseously put forth.

It did not take time for me to adapt, consider, reason out and resolve the time spent on Brooks' notions is time lost by what is called, "Exploring down the rabbit hole". When my time has been applied to accomplishing and learning what is beneficial has led to accomplishment and knowledge spending that time elsewhere.
I accomplish so much more by teaching my grand kid how to fly a kite than reading any of Brooks' golden wonder of the world's republicans.

Would Brooks ever write to explain the value and goodness that comes from The U.S. Chamber of Commerce actively lobbying against a voting rights bill in congress?

And while the Chamber of commerce is occupied with that. Who is lobbying for all the corporate issues?

It is like the day of the NRA supporting NTA issues. But they would support a GOP candidate with one of the worst NRA gun ratings over a Democratic candidate with a much higher NRA gun rating.
But these are issues for another day.

Unknown said...

Umm, DFB is a unicorn, according to the Sulzbergers - who else could spew out obviously false drivel year after year, and yet still convince the Beltway Congniscenti that he was still a Very Serious Person? He actually confers status onto the Times while contorting reality like a carnival balloon-animal clown. It really is a subtle form of magic, watching all of these supposedly-intelligent power brokers get the punch-drunk gaze in their eyes as he drones on and on about NOTHING, all the while they mutter about how perceptive he is, how in touch, how he has his finger on the pulse of the nation. It's better than David Blaine, really. And the complete denial of even his own historical utterances is what elevates it to art.

It's like watching Lewis Prothero in V for Vendetta convince Britain that everything is fine. Only stupider. It's truly a rare skill.