Guardians of the Travesty

"I Am Dupe."

Sean Spicer is a real innovator.  Where a lesser douche might have simply walked out on a job that requires the ritual sacrifice of the tatters of one's career every day in front of a billion people in order to serve the whims of a deranged, racist fire demon, Spicey has chosen a different path.

First, blend into the surrounding vegetation (from the National Wild Turkey Federation's advice on "Techniques for Terrain Concealment"):

Don’t succumb to temptation and take the path of least resistance. Use terrain and vegetation to keep you hidden from sharp-eyed gobblers.

And, second, continue to boldly refuse to use the language of humans to answer simple questions about important things.

From Business Insider:

Sean Spicer literally hid in the bushes to avoid answering questions about James Comey's firing

White House press secretary Sean Spicer hid behind bushes on the White House grounds for several minutes on Tuesday evening as staffers sought to respond to the frenzy of media questions about President Donald Trump's abrupt firing of FBI Director James Comey, according to The Washington Post.

Spicer wanted to return to his office after an interview with Fox Business but couldn't do so without running into a throng of reporters on his way there, The Post reported.

He emerged from the bushes after a press office executive assistant, Janet Montesi, said he would answer reporters' questions so long as they didn't film him, according to The Post.

"Just turn the lights off. Turn the lights off," Spicer told the reporters. "We'll take care of this. ... Can you just turn that light off?"
...

Unless whatever tiny ort of a conscience Spicer still has tucked into his sock for emergencies suddenly gets very big and strong and leads him to get the hell out President Stupid's freak show, I expect to see him at future press conferences with a dead-eyed, 1,000 yard stare, answering every question the same way over and over again.

"I am Dupe."
"I am Dupe."
"I am Dupe."