4 Sale: One Big Tent. Slightly Used. (click pic for larger)
Seemed like a good idea to haul it out again as I transition from blogging to the soon-to-be-much-more-lucrative profession of writing sympathy cards for Republicans whose party has just hit the pavement with a big, wet smack.
For example...
Dear Conservative Friend,So sorry to hear that your party choked to death on its own insanity, Enclosed you will find an order of delicious Freedom Fries and a video tape of George W. Bush from 2000 promising to get rid of America's terrible budget surplus. I hope they comfort you at this difficult time.Yours in Christ,driftglass
Gonna make me rich, I tells ya!
Rich as a pirate!
4 comments:
Actually, it should start:
"Dear Constitutional, Social, Fiscal, Free Market Conservative; Faux-Libertarian, Independent, Centralist; or whatever Boss Limbaugh is telling you to call yourself in front of liberals today,"
My sympathy card to the dime-store Victor Frankensteins whose monster is turning on them would probably start something like Nate Patrin's response to a typical Elliot McGucken word-based extrusion from 1997:
Hey, Limbecile... if you're lookin' for sympathy you'll find it in the
dictionary between "Shit" and "Syphilis".
and go on from there, probably using phrases like "waterhead fuckaround" and "your moral ideal brought into reality in its full and final perfection".
To Neo Tuxedo: I believe that epithet would have to be from the Urban Dictionary, no? Mr. Driftglass, your design and artistic talents suggest to me you could easily get paid work in the region in which I work, Mordor, aka DC Metro. I'm actually serious. There is a market (obviously) for what you have to offer. OTOH, there is always Bruce Rauner's paradise to keep you in IL.
You may have something with the "Republican Sympathy cards"
Perhaps a complimentary suicide razor blade for those Conservatives that are barely hanging on?
I have a suggestion,
Providing Trump rally safaris..!
Brought to you by Danger Tours;
Tours available
*Trump protester tally tour. Rated very risky.
*Trump Rally excursion. Cruise the parking lot at a Trump Rally and feel the excitement. Minimal risk.
*Helicopter fly overs. Low risk.
*Streak Tour. Highly Unhealthy.
You will be provided transportation into the thick of the Trump Rally. Where you run naked through the crowd. Picked up by you transportation specialist on the far side of the rally. With fast get away.
All Trump Rally Safaris come with provided lunch, Transportation, self defense training, Medical attention.
Photos or videos of your Trump rally tour will be available for a special price so you can cherish your adventure for years.
Disclaimer;
Anything at all happens. Your fault, Trump supporters fault in the event of death. Trump Rally Safaris has no responsibilities.
But we shall send a sympathy card....
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