Monkey Poo Discovered

On Monkey House wall.

Film at 11.

Fresh from the desk of the World's Greatest Blogger:

The Tea Party As A Christianist Force

We've been told again and again that the real motivation of the Tea Party is a multi-partisan movement to bring the debt and government under control. I've never believed this, partly because these people were never to be found under Bush. It was primarily a laundering device to disappear the Bush years, re-brand the GOP as a wholly different entity and thereby avoid the long wilderness that the catastrophes of the first decade of this century might have led them into.

Now we have some large data sets to review the reality. And the reality is that the Tea Party is the Christianist right-wing of the GOP.
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I agree, although I'd like to know the names of the people Mr. Sullivan believes have been lying to us "again and again" about "the real motivation of the Tea Party".

Names, Mr. Sullivan. Names, and then a sustained call for some substantial consequences to come down on the necks (or at least the wallets) of the people who have been lying to us about such vitally important matters.

Names, Mr. Sullivan, unless of course they are friends of your, in which case we don't name names or call for contrition and atonement do we?

I was also pleased that it came sans Mr. Sullivan's usual, gratuitous shot at the imaginary sins and distant histories of Culture Warrior Liberals, remains the highest form of tribal-identification-invective/Crazy-Lefty-Sauce-lobster-bib among Ivory Tower "Conservatives" who want to make loudly certain that none of their frathouse brethren mistake them for Evil Libruls in the dark as they parrot exactly the same fucking critiques that Liberals have been leveling at the Right (and for which we have been roundly mocked) for decades.



As as I (like many Liberals) wrote many, many times before it was fashionable, the Tea Party -- like German soldiers after the fall of Berlin -- is nothing but the GOP Base who have stopped running away from the catastrophe they created just long enough to burn their uniforms and pretend they were all in Switzerland the whole time.

Nobody knows what “independents” want, because “independent” as a modern political category is a textbook example of what Kurt Vonnegut defined in "Cat's Cradle" as a "granfalloon":

"...a proud and meaningless association of human beings"

Because “independent” can mean any-damn-thing, or nothing at all.

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Snake-handling queer-hating Leviticans who think the GOP is too gutless because it won’t advocate rounding up Teh Gay and putting them in camps?

Independents.

Bunker-dwelling survivalists?

Independents.

Pimple-faced 30-something John Galt wannabees who masturbate themselves blind to “Atlas Shrugged” because that hot chick in accounting won’t give them a second look, but won’t she be sorry when Objectivists stop the engine of the world and people like her will have to stand in like to offer their vajay-jays to the alpha studs wealth producers!

Independents.

Klansmen who want to smoke a little weed?

Independents.

America's compulsive political middle-children who have been taught so thoroughly to compromise their way out of any conflict that they will travel a 1,000 miles just to find a fence to straddle?

The opinionless little ciphers who just want to make sure they line up with a winner?

The moral cowards wouldn’t pick a side with a gun pressed to their heads, because of the terror of then being committed to actually doing something instead of snarking their way through life declaring "Well, ya know, bote sides are juss a buncha crooks anyway!" about every situation regardless of context and circumstances?

If asked, I guarantee you all virtually of those people would tell you that they think of themselves as “independent”.

And based on simple observation, guess who appears to be the largest group of late-blooming independents?

Those fucknozzles who, after giving Dubya the longest tongue bath in modern political history while calling everyone else a traitor, started gagging on the sheer tonnage of bullshit their creepy idolatry of George W. Bush was requiring them to swallow and obediently regurgitate every fucking day, that's who.

Most newly minted “independents” seem to be little more than Republicans who are fleeing the scene of their crime, but at the same time still desperately want believe in the inerrant wisdom of Rush Limbaugh. They are completely incapable of facing the horrifying reality that that they have gotten every single major political opinion and decision of their adult lives completely wrong, so instead they double-down on their hatred of women and/or gays and/or brown people and/or Liberals, and blame them for the miserable fuckpit their leaders and their policies have made of their live and futures.

Like German soldiers after the fall of Berlin, they have stopped running away from the catastrophe they created only long enough to burn their uniforms.

But they fool no one.

Except, apparently, David Fucking Brooks.

They have, as always, been aided and abetted in this latest Big Conservative Lie by our idiot media.

the same media that jumped on the Iraq bandwagon. The same media that went right along with the Conservative Lie that Clinton was a depraved monster. The same media that has been on-board with every other Conservative or Fake Centrist Lie before and since.

However, the big, ugly fact that you continue to run away from is that your whole movement has itself been one, long "laundering device". One long exercise in feeding the paranoia and rage of the mad Dog Base with lies and red meat, followed by some horrible failure, followed by pressing the Media Memory Reset Button and pretending it never happened or that Imaginary Libruls were just as bad or worse, followed by rinse-and-repeat-and-up-the-ante.

Like a Virgin.

“...they turned to prayer, beseeching
that the sin which had been committed
might be wholly blotted out.”

-- 2 Maccabees. 12:42

After conspiring to bring about two of the most destructive events in modern American history -- the impeachment of a US President over trivia, and the probable theft of the subsequent Presidential election -- to what God could Republicans possibly pray that their eight years of insanity, venom and violence "might be wholly blotted out?”

On 09/11/01, their dark miracle came winging its way out of a clear, blue sky.

Eight years ago, this is what we all saw.

All of us, all together across all political, cultural and religious spectra watched the worst thing many of us had ever seen.

Together.

But in what now seems like less time than it took to wipe away our tears, the same depraved thugs who sponsored eight years of "Clinton Murdered Vince Foster!" hysteria began hijacking of our pain and patriotism to serve their partisan interests right before our eyes.

The minute the Bush Administration began trying to stretch the war they got into an excuse for the war they wanted, 9/11 stopped being merely a national tragedy and started being the Bush Administration's bottomless political ATM machine.

The minute the Party of Personal Responsibility began using the mantra "9/11 changed everything" as the political equivalent of the Blood of Christ -- as a means to absolve themselves of their personal responsibility for eight years of malice and derangement -- for them September 11, 2001 stopped being a moment of shared, national anguish and started being a suit of cultural body-armor which magically deflected any criticism of their lies and their and hypocrisy.

An impervious sniper's nest from which they could cynically escalate

their war on the Left.


Or don't you remember the day the Right robbed the graves of all those who perished on 9/11 to turn this


into their all-purpose

"Get Out of the 90s Free" card?

And the thing is, it worked.

By selling 9/11 for a mess of wingnut pottage, the Right bought itself an anti-Liberal free-fire zone and two Presidential terms-worth of blank checks. Two terms of an alternately supportive and supine media. Two terms of catastrophe, corruption and treason protected from scrutiny by an ablative shield made out of solid "Why do you hate America?", and a promise that they could go on bareback fucking diseased monsters in the alley all night long, every night, forever and wake up each morning miraculously clean, virginal and still beloved in the eyes of God.
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There is nothing going on with the Tea Party that was not baked into the Conservative Movement like the bean in a King Cake under Nixon, metastasized under Reagan and predicted by those Damned Dirty Hippies decades ago. And because of that intractable and irrefutable fact, the professional survival of Conservative Public Ineffectuals Intellectuals like Mr. Sullivan depends 100% on "laundering" their own past every bit as much as the Teabaggers "launder" theirs.

And it is perhaps this sheer, ludicrous hypocrisy of the foundation on which they have built their critiques of their former partners in Conservative crimes that is the reason why none of these fearless public intellectuals will publicly debate -- or even acknowledge -- this old and fatal lie at the heart of their brave, new Conservative World.