During a recent conversation with some real estate people, I had this slightly-fictionalized exchanged.
Her: And do you apply for the Homeowner's Exemption?
Me: No. What's that?
Her: You know the property tax you pay on your place?
Me: Yes.
Her: If you apply for this, you'll pay less.
Me: For what?
Her: For owning it. For living there.
Pause.
Me: But...?
Her: I know.
Long pause.
Me: But....so I already get a tax bill, right?
Her: Right.
Me: Which means the assessor knows I live there and knows I pay taxes on this property?
Her: Right.
Me: And this isn't some hardship deduction or anything? This is literally -- no more and no less -- because I live at the place I live at?
Her: Yes.
Me: But unless I sent them a letter...
Her: A form. The proper form.
Me: ...a form -- thank you -- to the people who already know that I live here and pay taxes on this property telling them what they already know -- that I live here and pay taxes on this property -- asking them to lower my taxes, they will not lower my taxes.
Her: Yes.
Me: They'll just keep that money.
Her: Yes.
Very long pause.
Me: That is the stupidest fucking thing I ever heard.
She shrugs.
Me: Are there any other special exemptions that no one ever mentioned and I never thought to ask about because their very existence is absurd?
Her: Such as?
Me: Such as...if my property is not primarily composed of, say, antimatter? Or pixie dust? Or unobtanium? Can I get money back for that?
Her: I don't know what those things are, but no.
Me: I steadfastly refuse to raise unicorns in my bathroom, so what about that?
Her: No.
Me: What about the fact that, twice a year, the length of day and night on my property are exactly equal?! No kidding. Any write-off for that?
Her: No.
Me: How about because I can rub my tummy and pat my head at the same time?
Her: No.
Me: How about, one time I ate a bug?
Her: No.
Me: How about my odd fear of irrational numbers? Any exemption-potential there?
Her: No.
Me: My irrational fear of odd numbers?
Her: No.
Me: So just the fact that I live there then?
Her: Yup. Unless you live there for more than 10 years, in which case there is also a long-term owner exemption you can apply for.
Me: Really?
Her: Really.
Me: So even though the assessor's office would obviously know if I lived here more than 10 years, as a public service to me the taxpayer they wouldn't just automatically qualify me for it once I qualified for it?
Her: No.
Me: No, of course not. Instead, I would have to know about it already, and then apply for it.
Her: Yes.
Me: Using the correct form.
Her: That is correct.
Me: And if I didn't happen to know about it, they'd just keep the money?
Her: That's the way it works.
Me: Wow.
Her: Wow indeed.
11 comments:
Yeah, there are times government – especially local governments - can be awfully stupid. A family member ran into a similar situation down in Virginia – the state taxed him twice, and when he contacted them, they knew they had done so. I believe it was a homeowner's thing like your situation. Oh, and if you ever move from CT to CA, both states will insist that you turn in your old CT license plates to them.
If you haven't read it, you'd like the sci-fi short story "Adrift on the Policy Level" by Chandler Davis. And I imagine you've seen The Twelve Tasks of Asterix, with Asterix's brilliant ploy on how to stymie a bureaucracy. (Kurosawa shows something similar in Ikiru.)
The homeowner's tax exemption may seem stupid. A long time ago I was a real estate agent in Texas. Let me explain this exemption to you. You are applying for a discount on the property taxes on the place that you own (make payments) and occupy. Shouldn't you pay somewhat less in property tax than an investor or some entity that owns commercial property? It is not dodgy or shady. You application or form cannot be turned down. You are notifying your local tax assessor that that your residence is a property that you own and occupy. Now, as for the taxes that you've already paid, that money is gone. When you closed on this property your agent (if you used one) or title company should have gone over this with you. No one likes to pay taxes. If you want to volunteer to pay more tax, just buy lottery tickets. At least then you are buying a dream.
Sorry if this was common knowledge already.
Galt in norwegian means wrong, incorrect, or just plain nutso.
A perfect metaphor (and title) for this entry.
Couldn't this be the foundation of a new platform for a local political campaign? I mean really. "No more stoopid paperwork, ever!"
Yours in homeowner exemption limbo...
RP
Welcome to my world DG. I work in municipal government, as an assessor and I have this conversation with taxpayers on a regular basis.
Is it a stupid law? Yup,
is it the law? Yup.
Do I have to follow the law? Yup.
It's even stupider here because the state mandates it for ED taxes. All I have to do is explain it (repeatedly) and do all of the paperwork for the state.
For some reason, I thought you had to be over 65 to get this exemption? Maybe it depends on the state? I would love to know since my property taxes are due next month....
Related.
You forgot to mentiomn your odd fear of irrational numbers...
@anon # 2: good point, thanks.
So, you're an even-integer type of guy. Good to know.
And highly rational, it goes without saying.
Who's on first?
Welcome to Crook County. Thank you for paying our game.
I peeked at my Christmas present from the Assessor. Escrow will fall short by $723. I won't know who to blame until the actual bill arrives.
I filed all the required paperwork for my exemptions so I'm assuming the increase to be levy related. Which of the 18 listed taxing bodies bent me over?
Did you catch the Hizzoner and Dumya show this morning? Da one in what Dumya says Chicago is da best run city in the U.S.A.? And den da mare gave the Shrub a reach around?
When you get a spare moment could you explain the state equalization multiplier?
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