Friday, September 17, 2010

Now, The Bush-Belly Sneetches: UPDATE *

were backers of Bush...

As I learned years ago, in those fevered moments when a welter of polls, counter-polls, rage, speed, heat, transient headline-swallowing micro-issues and barely comprehensible wonkspeak threaten to smother our civic discourse, sometimes it is a good and palate-cleansing thing to sidestep those battlefields altogether and try a simpler, clearer genre to make the point.

And so, with great respect for the work of the immortal Theodor Seuss Geisel...

The Tea-Belly Sneetches
(this one's for you, Mom ;-)

Now, the Bush-Belly Sneetches were backers of Bush,

The Plain-Belly Sneetches thought Bush was a Tush.
The Bushs weren’t so big; they were really quite small.
You would think such a thing wouldn’t matter at all.
But because they backed Bush, all the Bush-Bellied Sneetches would brag,
“Plain-Bellies are nothing but Commies in Drag!”

"They hate our Great Nation," The Bush-Bellies said.

They're Marxist white-flaggers who want us all dead!
They hate our Dear Leader! They hate our Great Troops!
They mindlessly hate everything, those Socialist poops!
It's their lack of Bush-Bellies that gives them away
They're America-haters! And probably Gay!"

For years this went on, this faux-patriot shucking
(As they conveniently forgot years of Clinton rat-fucking).
They marched and they cheered and sang lots of brave tunes,
About how great Bush was, and how Lefties were Loons.
There was no need to be careful or watch their own words.
They would now win forever, swore the Blossom of Turds.

But the day finally came when Bush began looking crummy
And that was NOT a good day to have Bush on your tummy.
His policies were failing, his economy crashed;
He had left the Great Nation quite thoroughly trashed.
His lies were all melting like snow in a stove
And no one could stop it, not even his Rove.

This made Bush-Belly Sneetches look like ignorant tools
And their Bush-Belly screeching sound like the ranting of fools.
First the Senate fell down, then the House fell down too
(And if that weren't enough to make Bush-Bellies boo-hoo
In two thousand and eight the very worstest blow came
When they lost to a Negro with a strange Muslim name!)

The Bush-Belly Sneetches became very confused.
How could they fail? Had they merely been used?
Fox had told them for years they were righteous and shrewd;
That the Plain-Belly Sneetches were stupid and crude.
Now their Bush-Belly tats made them look shithouse-rat-nuts
Their own words had damned them, no "ands", "ifs" or "buts".

And then out of the West came their own gin-soaked Moses
Who swore all their shame could be turned into roses.
His name was Sylvester "Dick Armey" McBean

Inventor of the Fabulous, Tea-Baggulous Bush-Off Machine.

For the price of their souls and a couple of bucks

The Bush-Bellies could now buy some nips and some tucks.

From the Bush-Off Machine they tumbled like fresh laundered sheets

Screaming about deficits! Taxes! And those awful elites!
They had never liked Bush, no not even a little...
...they shrieked from mouths flecked with Patriot Spittle.
They'd never voted for him, nor swallowed his dirt.

You don't believe me? Just look at my shirt!

"They hate our Great Nation," The Tea-Bellies said.
"These Marxist death-panelists who want us all dead!

They hate our Great Founders! They hate Sarah Palin!
They hate all good things and they're why we're failin'!
It's their lack of Tea-Bellies that gives them away
They're America-haters! And probably Gay!"

They marched and they cheered and sang lots of brave tunes,
About how great Beck was, and how Lefties were Loons.
For one thing, of course, had remained just the same
The Left and their schemes were always to blame.
Because there is no need to be careful or watch what you say

When your past is as squashy as modeling clay.

*UPDATE: Now available in exciting audio.


Mary the Paralegal said...

So freaking brillinat. Even Dr. Suess is chuckling a little (from his grave).

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

Awesome, and I mean that in the most zombie way.

Anonymous said...

I can almost hear Boris reciting this one...

Anonymous said...

Sh*t this is good.
Your book comes out when?

loretta said...

Bravo! Well done.

And it's not easy. I know, I've done it.


lostnacfgop said...


Anonymous said...

These blog entries (each and every one of them) are too damn good, the photoshopping and layout is too damn good, the commenters themselves are too damn good (each one worthy of a posting on their own merits) for this to be done by an ordinary guy and read by average political readers like me. This sounds – looks – plays like a group of gifted professionals who all know each other. Don’t get me wrong, I’m addicted to this site, but Holy Mother of God is this ever great (and I was raised a Presbyterian)!

Anonymous said...

I ya think this is good, you should hear the podcast. It's a rare oasis of intelligent, fact-loaded conversation. Drifty and Blue Gal do a hell of a job of showing what talk radio could be if the hate radio industry hadn't co-opted the airwaves.

StonyPillow said...

Great job. Have a beer.

Drifty's Mom said...

This is what happens when a child genius is exposed to great literature from a very early age. You always make me proud . . and keep me amused. This Seussiness is WONDERFUL!

Anonymous said...

Best thing I've encountered on the Internets in a long time.

Thank you driftglass, from the bottom of my plain-belly.

tanbark said...

Sorry, boss, the teabaggers aren't running the country. And last night, the not-a-teabagger preznint was speaking at a fund-raiser for the DNC. He got into a little comedy shtick in which he ridiculed progressives in front of the whole fucking world.

It was like he came out of the Benedict Arnold closet and fed us to the american right like we were so much Alpo. He turned on us like some smiling-but-rabid cur dog.

In a perverse way, I thought it was cool. Now, we can drop the pretense that he's anything but a corporatist shit and a political hack.

tanbark said...

As one poster on Hamsher's excellent thread about Obama whipping out his dick and sticking it our progressive ear, said:

"The beatings will continue until morale improves."

With what's going to happen in about 6 weeks, I don't think any amount of Obama's beating on the progressives who were so instrumental in his big win, is going to improve morale.

Jody said...

So...beautiful...I'm weeping openly over here...

Batocchio said...

Awesome! It really captures the rebranding and the snobbery wonderfully. And that verse took some work...

(Last year, I ran with the sneetches, but they were hanging out with Godzilla. And they didn't rhyme.)

Honu said...

Hot DAMN this is good! You be one talented fucker Driftglass. I listen to your podcast with Bluegal every week and know you have stones and an acerbic insightful mind with but I did not know you could be this creative. I raise a glass to you sir.

Anonymous said...

I just dropped some change in the hat to support the podcast. It's a great premise. Two sane and very bright people having a conversation with each other - an idea unique in all of radioland. Time to pony up.

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

Just sent you 5.
This is worth a million but 5 is what I got.

Paul Kroenke said...

Wrong as your interpretation of the Tea Party is, this is fantastic. If you've got other stuff like this, instead of just boiling screed about what you don't like, you could be almost on par with iowahawk.

Shayne said...

Your interpretation of teabaggers is spot on and this is brilliant. Thanks for sharing.

Serving Patriot said...


Truly a masterpiece. More money is coming your way. In fact, rather than spend any money on the NYT this month, I'm sending it all to you friend.

Retired (once-Serving)Patriot

Graham Firchlis said...

"Now their Bush-Belly tats made them look shithouse-rat-nuts"

Shakespearian! The first good laugh this election season, and with a lovely sharp edge. Truly well done

driftglass said...

Mary the Paralegal,
Many thanks.

Zombie rotten mcdonald,
And a zombie thank-you right back.

Audio is on the way...

Blogger loretta,
Thank you


Too many Anons to keep track of, so many thanks but no, this site is just me -- one guy -- with a keyboard and a mouse, doing my thing in my spare time.

The secret it, we actually like doing the podcast, but don't tell anyone.

Thanks. I will!

Drifty's Mom,

OpenID apolife,
Thanks. And you're welcome.

Good to hear from you again, amigo. And, no, speaking as a progressive who is almost never satisfied, I don't think that Obama cracking a joke about progressives never being satisfied within the larger context of the last few days
is the end of the world. The Obama Administration has punched the Left in the face before in ways that deserved hard pushbacks (notice the title of our podcast) but this was not one of those times. I do, however, think a site run by almost-perpetually pissed off progressives reacting to a joke about perpetually pissed off progressives as if Obama were handing over Eastern Europe at Yalta kind of hilarious :-)

Thank you.

High praise sir.

Thank you.

Various Anonymii,
Thanks, for the kind words and the dough. They're both appreciated.

Paul Kroenke,
Thank you for the compliment. As to the context, I can understand why, as a conserva-whatever, you would desperately want that to be true.

Thank yo kindly.

Retired (once-Serving)Patriot
I am honored.

Graham Firchlis,
Thank you.

The Absence of Alternatives said...

No words can describe the brilliance of this. Ok. I'll try. AWESOME SAUCE.

litbrit said...

BRAVO, Drifty. This is absolutely epic.

And 100% on-point. *sigh*


Anonymous said...

I can't believe you didn't provide this link in your podcast....


Anonymous said...


Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

Metacomment: It's possible (at least over at blogspot) to get the site to timestamp comments with the date and time. I, for one, would find this illuminating.

Comment: Great piece! I'd mess with the scansion in some lines, but that's just because (gazes nobly off into the distance) I'm just so damn sensitive.

Uchiha Uzuma said...

blogging walk ...
i hope you visit back my blog:

thank you...

JdubbQ8 said...

Pure fucking brillance Sir Driftglass. (slow clapp)