George W. Bush: Progressive Hero

Hey, kids, remember me?

David Fucking Brooks thinks I'm

a Progressive.

Me.

Seriously.

This is -- for real, no kidding -- the actual thesis of the actual editorial that apparently no one with higher-order cognitive functions managed to stop the (suspected) tertiary-syphilis-brain-rot-impaired David Fucking Brooks from publishing in the New York Times today.

See, according to Bobo under the leadership of persons left conspicuously unnamed in his op-ed (but which one suspects may go by "George W. Bush" and "Dick Cheney") between 2001 and 2008, Bobo's Republican Party turned the national security apparatus of the United States into an incomprehensible mess, creating thousands of new agencies and organizations that are crawling up each others asses and shitting out enough meaningless paper to create another solar system.

(Incidentally, Bobo's Republican Party also plunged the nation into two wars -- one based entirely on lies and avarice -- and then botched those wars, pissed away a budget surplus and replaced it with a crushing deficit, took the United States Constitution into the woods and repeatedly shot it in the head, and nearly finished the Reagan Project of completely eviscerating the American middle class, but for some reason these niggling details were omitted from David Brooks' penetrating analysis.)

Then, over a period of 18 months (and over the concerted and fanatical opposition of the same Republican Party that had just finished leaving left an unbroken, eight-year-long shit-stain across the land) the Democrats passed a terribly watered-down version of the number one priority on which the President Barack Obama had run in 2008, and a tepid version of financial re-regulation to help reverse 30 years of radical Conservative deregulatory crackpottery and prevent the United States economy from exploding again.

According to a Right Wing think tank cited by David Fucking Brooks, the first Democratic initiative will create less that 200 "new agencies, commissions, panels and other bodies".

And according to another Right Wing think tank cited by David Fucking Brooks, the financial reform law is very long indeed!

Therefore, according to Bobo, these two periods -- the eight years of catastrophe his Conservative Movement unleashed on America, and the 18 months of the hedging, compromising Center/Right corporatist Democratic bucket brigade -- should for some reason be treated as identically long,

"During the first part of this period, the Republicans were in control."
...

"In the second part of the period, Democrats were in control."
...

identically perilous and over-reachy,

"Already this effort is generating a fierce, almost culture-war-style backlash. It is generating a backlash among people who do not have faith in Washington, who do not have faith that trained experts have superior abilities to organize society, who do not believe national rules can successfully contend with the intricacies of local contexts and cultures."

and should therefore rightfully be lumped together under one label: "Progressive".

"When historians look back on this period, they will see it as another progressive era. It is not a liberal era — when government intervenes to seize wealth and power and distribute it to the have-nots. It’s not a conservative era, when the governing class concedes that the world is too complicated to be managed from the center..."

Got that?

The myriad high crimes, disasters, lies, and treason of the Age of Bush which sniveling, ass-licking Conservative cowards like David Fucking Brooks enthusiastically championed...weren't really failures of Conservatism at all!

Yay!

Instead they were all somehow, magically really examples of how fucking awful Progressivism is.

Why?

Because David Fucking Brooks says so!

Here:

"It’s a progressive era, based on the faith in government experts and their ability to use social science analysis to manage complex systems."

And here:

"This progressive era is being promulgated without much popular support. It’s being led by a large class of educated professionals, who have been trained to do technocratic analysis, who believe that more analysis and rule-writing is the solution to social breakdowns..."

And here:

"This progressive era amounts to a high-stakes test."

And if the Glorious Progressive Revolution which David Fucking Brooks asserts was begun by this guy

should fail?

Bobo has the answer for that too:

"...well, what’s the 21st-century version of the guillotine?"

To which I can only reply that while I'm not 100% sure what a 21st-century version of the guillotine might look like, I have some very clear ideas who the first one into the tumbrel

should be.

And right behind him will be the lords and ladies of America's Ministry of Truth (LLC) who make sure such freaks and perverts stay propped up and extruding their festively beribboned turds in front of our nation's cameras, behind our nation's microphones, and on the editorial pages of our nation's most powerful newspapers and magazines.