Mr. Superdelegate: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint.
Mr. Superdelegate: 'Ello, Miss?
Terry McAuliffe: What do you mean "miss"?
Mr. Superdelegate: I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!
McAuliffe: We're closin' for lunch.
Mr. Superdelegate: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this candidate what I committed to not half a month ago on this very campaign.
McAuliffe: Oh yes, the, uh, the Clintonian Blue...What's,uh...What's wrong with ‘er?
Mr. Superdelegate: I'll tell you what's wrong with ‘er, my lad. She's dead, that's what's wrong with ‘er!
McAuliffe: No, no, she's uh,...she's rallyin’.
Mr. Superdelegate: Look, matey, I know a dead candidate when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.
McAuliffe: No no she's not dead, he's, she's rallyin’! Remarkable gal, the Clintonian Blue, idn't she? Beautiful suffrage!
Mr. Superdelegate: Suffrage don't enter into it. She's stone dead.
McAuliffe: Nononono, no, no! She's rallyin’! Getting’ ready for Puerto Rico!
Mr. Superdelegate: All right then, if she's rallyin’, let’s get her attention! (shouting at the teevee) 'Ello, Miss Hillary Sniper Dodger! I’ll seat the Florida delegation for you if you show...
(McAuliffe wins West Virginia)
McAuliffe: There, she surged!
Mr. Superdelegate: No, she didn't. That was a county full of hillbillies from a state we’re never gonna win in the general anyway!
McAuliffe: I never!!
Mr. Superdelegate: Yes, you did!
McAuliffe: I never, never did anything...
Mr. Superdelegate: (yelling and hitting the cage repeatedly) 'ELLO HILLARY!!!!! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your three A.M. phone call!
(Takes candidate out of the cage and thumps her head on Indiana. Throws her up in the air and watches her plummet to the floor. While John Edwards endorses Barack Obama)
Mr. Superdelegate: Now that's what I call a dead candidate.
McAuliffe: No, no.....No, she's stunned!
Mr. Superdelegate: Stunned?!?
McAuliffe: Yeah! You stunned her, just as she was rampin' up! Clintonian Blues stun easily, major.
Mr. Superdelegate: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That candidacy is deceased, and when I committed to ‘er not 'alf a year ago, you assured me that her total lack of momentum was due to ‘er bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged drinking bout with a bar-full of Indiana refinery workers.
McAuliffe: Well, he's...she's, ah...probably pining for the duck huntin’.
Mr. Superdelegate: PININ' for the DUCK HUNTIN’?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, Look, why did she fall flat in polls the moment she lost Iowa?
McAuliffe: The Clintonian Blue prefers comin’ from behind! Remarkable candidate, id'nt she, squire? Lovely suffrage!
Mr. Superdelegate: Look, I took the liberty of examining her fundamentals when I got , and I discovered the only reason that she had been in the running at all is that the fucknozzle media told us for two years that she was inevitable.
(pause)
McAuliffe: Well, o'course they said that, because she is inevitable. She can't lose. Why if the media hadn’t flipped around and conspired against her, and if people would just go ahead and count Florida and Michigan, she would have turned this motherfuck out months, ripped that sissy Obama apart with her bare hands and VOOM!
Mr. Superdelegate: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this candidacy wouldn't "voom" if you put forty million dollars into it! She's bleedin' demised!
McAuliffe: No no! She’s pinin’!
Mr. Superdelegate: She's not pinin'! She’s passed on! This candidacy is no more! It has ceased to be! It’s expired and gone back to Empire State! She's a stiff! Bereft of votes, she rests in peace! If you hadn't gone Low Road Rove she'd be back in Chappaqua writing ‘er tell-all! The mathematical processes have made ‘er 'istory! She’s gone Guiliani! She’s won’t be up in the Big Clown Car in Denver. She’s run out of states, hocked her furs and become the bleedin' Buchanan Brigade !! This is an ex-candidate!
(pause)
McAuliffe: Well, I'd better replace it, then. (he takes a quick peek behind the counter) Sorry squire, I've had a look 'round the back of the shop, and uh, we're right out of DLCers.
Mr. Superdelegate: I see. I see, I get the picture.
McAuliffe: I got a McSame.
(pause)
Mr. Superdelegate: Pray, does it talk?
McAuliffe: Nah. Not really.
Mr. Superdelegate: Well it's hardly a bloody replacement is it?
22 comments:
Kin ya kindly bury the Thing?
it's startin ta stink up the joint.
(Snort,) Damned Drifty man, you nailed it again! " Lovely suffrage!" (snort,guffaw,chortle) Sheesh man. For weeks I've been reading about "Dead Parrot" Hillary and "BlackKnight Hillary" and leaned more toward the black knight, "it's just a flesh wound", etc. But this was freakin' perfect! Someone needs to do this on video and youtube it! It's that damned good!
This is the end
Clinton's last stand
This is the end
For you, Mark Penn, the end
Of nomination plans, the end
No coronation grand, the end
No Denver brokered prize, the end
I'll never listen to your lies... again
Can you picture what will be
Without the DLC
Triangulation banned
Take Democratic stands
Lost in Hillary's wilderness of pain
Where the young voters are aflame
Working for Obama's reign
New blue states, are callin' us.
New blue states, are callin' us.
That's where Barack's takin' us
The candidate awoke before dawn
He put his flag pin on
And he walked on down the hall
He swept through the states where the brothers vote...
Paid a visit to John Edwards, and then he...
He walked on down the hall.
He came to a door and he looked inside
McCain? "Yes, son". I want to debate you.
Hillary? I want a SUCCESSION SPEECH FROM YOU!
C'mon voter, take a chance with us
C'mon voter, you'll advance with us
C'mon voter, you can dance with us
And meet me at the head of the Blue bus
I don't want to hurt Hillary
But she'll never follow me
The end of half-true history
The end of Clinton's dynasty
This is the end
Brilliant, Mr. Glass, simply brilliant.
I've always loved the sly subversive Python brand of humor (nudge, nudge, wink, wink) as you so obviously have yourself. Thanks for a scrumptious Sunday treat...
don't ever count the Clintons out.
Personally I find all the animosity towards her ( them ) a tad disloyal ( but thats Dems for ya ). ,
It seems past winners and champions for causes ( yes I mean YOU, NARAL ) are all old hat now in the glow of the " new , change, etc etc. The art of politics is not new , its very very old , a new fresh face will not change it , I don't want to hear any crying when the let down happens ... ok ????
Given that NARAL supported Lieberman (and no I have not forgiven them nor will I) I am surprised they did not endorse Clinton. I still will not forgive them for endorsing Lieberman over Lamont. Period.
Luvley post, Mr. Glass. Just luvley.
anonymous,
Loyalty is earned. As is animosity. Hillary (and Bill) have been acting in ways that are inimicable to the health of the democratic process (in general) and the Democratic party (specifically) by moving the goalposts, playing the race card, and generally demonstrating a desire to win, even if it leaves that party in shreds. This just might cause animosity.
The Clintons were willing to burn fundamental Democratic values in the interest of transitory political gain. So gays got burned by "don't ask, don't tell", labor was burned by NAFTA and the WTO, aid to dependent children and other social services was devastated by "the era of big government is over", and a new age of corporate media consolidation was ushered in by deregulation and the Digital Millennium Copyright Act.
So, who's disloyal to whom?
It's hard for me to think of one single significant Democratic core value that wasn't battered and bruised by the Clinton administration (aided and abetted by triangulating DLC quislings)... to the point where the Nader fallacy that "there's no difference between the two parties" was seductively plausible.
Furthermore, when a new approach to the crisis of the erosion of the Democratic party came in the form of the 50-state strategy, the Clintonistas put every possible obstacle in its path. Even after the victory of the 2006 election, which validated the premise of building the party from the grassroots up, Carville and Begala and the like were still out for Howard Dean's blood.
Obama's success is further validation of a grassroots renaissance for the party, and the Clintons are still interested in salting the fields so that their cronies in DC can call the shots. Given the choice of giving up control and having a piece of an expanding political movement... and having complete dominance of a impotent marginalized, party... the Clintons chose the latter, again and again.
So, yeah, I'm counting the Clintons out. Their meager gains for Democrats were thin reeds that we held onto when we should have been grabbing staves and advancing our agenda instead of the rear-guard fighting that they convinced us we needed to do.
Because as it turns out... no one respects people with no convictions or integrity. No one respects people who are willing to compromise before even sitting down to negotiate. It shouldn't be surprising when people don't vote for that.
Sooner or later, she HAS to go away.
Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ndwEOIaeuGo
Me? I'm headed here Tuesday until the FOLLOWING Tuesday:
www.strawberrymusic.com
Pickin, sippin, suppin till dawn with 5,000 of my closest friends.
Oh yeah, and the stage music ain't bad, either up there at 4,100ft in The Sierra Nevada just outside Yosemite. 2 days of a cabin before fest and one day after fest, 4 days of camping inside the fest.
Life is good, hold the fort, joke 'em if they can't take a phuck. *G*
Best to all, thanks Drifty, as always.
". . . this candidate is voting with the choir eternal . . . "
Still laughing DG, thank you.
sláinte
cl
"VOOM"?!? Mate, this candidacy wouldn't "voom" if you put forty million dollars into it! She's bleedin' demised!
heh!
Where's the Dead Collector braying "Bring Out Yer Dead!" when ya need 'im?
"I'm not dead! I got better!! I feel happy! I think I'll go for a walk!"
While a lot can change between now and Nov. 4, the latest polls at electoral-vote.com show:
McCain beats Obama 285-242-11 [Indiana is tied]
Clinton beats McCain 284-237-17
[Michigan is tied]
Don't print up the "OBAMA DEFEATS MCCAIN" headlines just yet.
For my part, I'm hoping the Democrats will make serious gains in Congress, which will keep the old coot from doing too much damage.
IBW - Well, good to see you putting up the latest Fantasy Election "scores" from the hillary encampment.
On all of my established haunts except for Shakesville, I'm feeling like the only mouse in Hamelin who can't understand why all the other mice are so excited about this Pied Piper dude.
I have learned something grim this year. I thought only right-wingers went in for leader cults. I was mistaken.
Kool-Aid comes in many flavors, not all of them right-wing. FSM help this country if the Democrats ALSO become a cult. :(
Malacondra - thanks for both the posts.
IBW - I'm confused. We had 8 people to choose from and Obama is in the lead. Hillary is hanging in there, but really, were her name NOT Clinton, would she still be in the race? Would she still get the media attention? Gravel hasn't dropped out and you NEVER see him. So which is the cult-like following?
IBW, Barack wasn't my first choice, but I recognize that Obama is running an extraordinary campaign in the face of overwhelming odds that favored HRC.
And he will shortly be our nominee.
After 7-plus years of Bush peeing on our backs and telling us it's rain, the prospect of a candidate who isn't pandering to us (e.g. gas tax), trying to manipulate us with fear (e.g. 3am phone calls), or talk down to us (e.g. touting hunting skills) is a welcome breath of fresh air.
The fact that he can string together a series of multi-syllabic words to form a coherent statement that is tethered to reality is kind of appealing, too.
I'm not looking at Obama as any kind of Golden God. A smart, thoughtful, educated, reasonable grown-up is still orders of magnitude above what we've had, in office... and I would have voted for Hillary on that basis, too, despite the fact that I think she'd have been a throwback for the Democratic Party.
That was great! Segues right into
Bring out yer dead!
Malacandra, I do not belong to any political party, so Plastic Jesus will be YOUR nominee, not OUR nominee.
Let Axelgrease and Mad Dr. Dean and the Brazille Nut see if they can win the general election after throwing women and the non-AA working classes under the bus.
The Elephascists have been able for years to conduct foolish policies and still win elections [or get close enough to win by cheating, as the case may be]. I'll believe they've lost those skills only when I see that happen.
Hill-arious!
I can't resist a good pun, or a bad one.
IBW - I finally understand your pain. I've 6 brothers. Your views mirror those held by two.
I sincerely hope that you, all three of you, will be pleasantly surprised.
Barbinatl--Thank you. I hope the same thing, but I doubt it.
malacandra: You lead-pipe cinched it! Great analysis of Late Clintonistas. Thanx.
I'm one of them what Driftglass once described as: "...carried so much f*cking water for the Clintons..." since 1990, in my case, that "...my arms have fallen off." Armless no more. I'm an Obama-ite.
As for the lovely blast of Monty Python done with DG elan -- this is a showstopper! Dead Polly AND HRC????? It's Miller Time! Or, in Hillary's case, it's a watered- down-boilermaker-in-a-working-class-Indiana-bar-time.
This will go to every Python freak I know, if it's okay with you, Driftglass. Sweeeet.
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