The "Break Glass In Case I Get Spanked in Michigan" Doomsday Plan D.
“In March of 1998 a group of Dirty Fucking Hippies kidnapped me and held me captive somewhere in the Boston area.
“During that time I was forced to watch 'Cop Rock' and 'The Hat Squad' reruns as well as a program called ‘Sex and the City’ while having non-missionary sex with a woman who was not a wife.
“My years as a Culture War POW were Hell on Earth -- the details of which will be published in my forthcoming autobiography; 'Plutarch's Audacity of the Faith of my Fathers' Profile in Courage' -- but for the good of the nation and the children I went along with this vile Liberal plot, pretending to adopt their bizarre, ungodly views and continuing to act as the ‘Governor of Massachusetts’, all the while scheming against them.
“In 2006, having won their confidence, they let their guard down for a moment. That is when I sprang into action, taking out three guards -- who I had known during my years of captivity only by their Liberal Party names of Roosevelt, Kennedy and Hitler -- and leading 23 others hostages to freedom.
“I now stand before you ready to lead this nation as the man I have always been; a staunch Reagan Conservative, a battle-tested warrior, and a POW with a Hollywood-ready back story.
"God Bless America!"
7 comments:
Nice!
Is that derived from a photo of that rich heiress who was kidnapped by some radicals and then allegedly joined in with her captors, willingly robbed a bank, went on the lam, changed her identity, and then gave herself up decades later?
I have a funny feeling like I'm conflating more than one incident.
Patty Hearst and you are correct in your remembrances. It was a fucked up mess.
I can say for certain that Romney is the BIGGEST phony. He is in a class all by himself and, he will probably wear that as a badge of honor or, make up some BS about it being an honor of some type....
Oh Yeah, I live in Massachusetts. I know up close and personal what a big sh!t that man is. Lied himself into the job as governor and took off to run for president. Now, (oh big surprise) he will attempt to lie himself into the presidency - well, it worked for the "other guy". Of course, the 'other guy' had/has Rove.
Kind of funny to see that even the GOPers that enjoyed being lied to by Dubyah even see ole' Mitt as the jerk that he is.
Hah, a pox on him. Of course, my relatives that live in the southern tier of this great land and are even now gulping the Kool-Aid. They probably think that he is peachy-keen.
Go figure sometimes, even I, have a hard time understanding *that* kind of stupid. Well, as they say, you can choose your friends but you are stuck with family... sigh....
CrazyGrrl in Mass
Gawd, he's purtier that Patty! You gots yourself some MAD Photoshoppin' skills there, DG!
This was hilarious!
Why is the koolaid working so much better for Bush than Romney?
Except for the Mormon thing, they are virtually indistinguishable...
is it the Mormon thing? You can tell me!
Whattayamean, almost identical. For one thing, Muff doesn't have a ranch. Everyone knows ya gotta have a ranch. And if you don't ride, or even LIKE horses, you can almost make up for it by driving the biggest honkin' pickup truck you can handle. And ya gotta know how to handle a chainsaw. And ya gotta talk like Larry the Cable Guy so the folks in flyover country don't think you're too intellectshull, And can anyone imagine Muff looking anyone in the eye and getting a sense of their soul? Let alone wanting to have a beer with him? Ahh W... we shan't see your like again...
"Ahh W... we shan't see your like again..."
at least not on this side of Hell
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