Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Get Smirk

File Under: "Can I Still Has My Xmas Poc'lypse?" (click pic for larger)

"Would you believe...seven nukulers?"

"No, Mr. President. As we said, several times already, there are no 'nukulers' there. None."

"None, eh? Would you believe...five?"

From the NYT (emphasis added):

December 3, 2007
U.S. Says Iran Ended Atomic Arms Work

WASHINGTON, Dec. 3 — A new assessment by American intelligence agencies concludes that Iran halted its nuclear weapons program in 2003 and that the program remains frozen, contradicting judgment two years ago that Tehran was working relentlessly toward building a nuclear bomb.

The conclusions of the new assessment are likely to reshape the final year of the Bush administration, which has made halting Iran’s nuclear program a cornerstone of its foreign policy.

The assessment, a National Intelligence Estimate that represents the consensus view of all 16 American spy agencies, states that Tehran is likely keeping its options open with respect to building a weapon, but that intelligence agencies “do not know whether it currently intends to develop nuclear weapons.”

Iran is continuing to produce enriched uranium, a program that the Tehran government has said is designed for civilian purposes. The new estimate says that enrichment program could still provide Iran with enough raw material to produce a nuclear weapon sometime by the middle of next decade, a timetable essentially unchanged from previous estimates.

But the new estimate declares with “high confidence” that a military-run Iranian program intended to transform that raw material into a nuclear weapon has been shut down since 2003, and also says with high confidence that the halt “was directed primarily in response to increasing international scrutiny and pressure.”

The estimate does not say when American intelligence agencies learned that the weapons program had been halted, but a statement issued by Donald Kerr, the principal director of national intelligence, said the document was being made public “since our understanding of Iran’s capabilities has changed.”

Rather than painting Iran as a rogue, irrational nation determined to join the club of nations with the bomb, the estimate states Iran’s “decisions are guided by a cost-benefit approach rather than a rush to a weapon irrespective of the political, economic and military costs.” The administration called new attention to the threat posed by Iran earlier this year when President Bush had suggested in October that a nuclear-armed Iran could lead to “World War III” and Vice President Dick Cheney promised “serious consequences” if the government in Tehran did not abandon its nuclear program.

Yet at the same time officials were airing these dire warnings about the Iranian threat, analysts at the Central Intelligence Agency were secretly concluding that Iran’s nuclear weapons work halted years ago and that international pressure on the Islamic regime in Tehran was working.

Must have been a helluva briefing.

"Ok, so there are...three nukulers!"

"No, Mr. President. None. For the seventeenth time, N-O-N-E."


Meanwhile, Hymen the Robot sits -- neglected and seething -- in the West Wing I.T. shop

waiting for her annual winterizing and Nativity Cheer upgrades.


¡El Gato Negro! said...

OMFGato, that picture of Pickles-bot is classic.

Grrreat post, Sr. Driftglass.

Anonymous said...

"Sorry, Chief... missed it by that much".

The Chief is, of course, R. Bruce Cheney.

Ivory Bill Woodpecker said...

Bush: "Don't tell me there are no WMDs in Iraq after all."

The experts: "Mr. President, there are no WMDs in Iraq after all."

Bush: "I ASKED you not to tell me that!"

Anonymous said...

Would you believe slingshots and matzah balls?

LowerManhattanite said...

And all privileged conversations take place under the cone of stupidity.

Well done, Drifty!

darkblack said...

'Dis is SOROS, ve don't Boosh here'


Anonymous said...

Now that I've stopped plotzing over this I can catch my breath and thank you for finally showing me how to spell nukulur.

I've been misspelling it for years!

(sent by Blue Gal, glad I followed her lead)

Fran said...

OMFG! STFU! This is hilarious beyond all belief.

When I was at the gym this morning the Idiot in Chief was on TV and I refused to plug in my headset to hear that crap.

At one point the delightful closed captioning showed me he said "ain't" and I could also see the sad result of him saying "nooo-cue-lar".

It prompted me to say out loud "what an asshole" to no one in particular. It earned me several dirty looks here in whitebread bushie land.


This post has more than made up for it all. Except for the sad f-ed up part about the fate of the world.

Deep sigh.

Anonymous said...

Remember Nuclear spelled wrong is uNclear.


Anonymous said...

I'm on my shoe phone now, telling everyone to read this.

Kudos, d r i f t g l a s s.

Distributorcap said...

you just need Huckabeeeeeeeee talking to god on his shoe phone!

dguzman said...


Deborah Newell said...

J'adore Drifty.

So bloody on-point, it hurts. Thank you for the laugh-sob-laugh, sorely needed this morning in ways I can't begin to describe.

Every time Bush says nook-koo-lar, an angel turns into a pillar of salt and a Bush twin shows up with limes and tequila.

WereBear said...

My eyes! The Stepford First Lady is going to haunt me.

Saw some video on Mrs. Romney today; I mean, all they ALL heavily medicated?

I know I would be...

Ivory Bill Woodpecker said...

Werebear--OF COURSE they're all heavily medicated; would any fully conscious woman in her right mind ever consent to marry an Elephascist in the first place? ;)