And then there are two-ton mega-phors…
This from the AP...
Woman dies after snake bite at church
Wed Nov 8, 12:47 AM ET
A woman who was bitten by a snake at a church that neighbors say practices serpent handling died of her wounds hours later, a newspaper reported.
Linda Long, 48, was bitten Sunday at East London Holiness Church, where neighbors said the reptiles are handled as part of religious services, The Lexington Herald-Leader reported Tuesday.
Long died at University of Kentucky Medical Center about four hours after being bitten, authorities told the newspaper.
"She said she was bitten by a snake at her church," said Lt. Ed Sizemore of the Laurel County Sheriff's Office.
…
Church officials could not be reached for comment.
If metaphors keep falling fully formed out of the sky and landing like a sack of rabid granite weasels on the back of the Christian Right, I may have to give up writing altogether, and take up my long-deferred dream: working my way back up the ranks of the semiprofessional Extreme Curling circuit and riding that baby to eternal fame and fortune.
6 comments:
Want more metaphore?
Aircraft carrier stuck in Hudson mud
By Staff and wire reports
Tuesday, November 7, 2006
NEW YORK - The mission to move the legendary aircraft carrier USS Intrepid for a $60 million restoration hit a snag yesterday when the floating military museum got stuck in deep Hudson River mud.
The name of the snake that bit her?
Kundalini!
Drift:
The dialogue between the two main characters in this....passion play:
Ms. Fundy:
"Now, Mr. 4 ft. specimen of Crotalus Horridus Horridus, I am going to pick you up (at mid-body) and swing you around my head for 5 or 10 minutes, thereby attesting to my piety."
Mr."C":
"Yes, M'am, you go right ahead...but keep in mind, that I MIGHT be a backslid Baptist, and one whose survival instincts (dating from the Jurassic period, not from the blink-of-an-eye-two- millenia of Xtian mythology) could kick in at any moment, regardless of whether or not you ever fantasized about giving handsome Pastor Ted a quickie.
AND, since you folks haven't fed me in the six weeks since you..."liberated" me from the craggy appalachian wilds, you should know that my poison sacs are packed tighter than a condom that's been used 9 times for sanitary jack-off, by a 16 year old boy.
But if you're really feelin' "down with Jaysus", you go right ahead...I always did think "Nearer My God To Thee" was a catchy tune."
I feel guilty for posting this; I really do, but I was heavy into herpetology when I was younger, and it's a travesty, and a tragedy, for the lady, her family, in some small way, for all of us, and even the snake, that some people think they have to "prove" their relationship with Christ, by doing things like this.
If Christ was watching this, I'm thinking he was AT LEAST thinking:
"Did you have any anti-venin in the fridge? Because, if you didn't, you're counting on me a little too much.
Also, from now on, how about 2 foot copperheads, instead of full-grown Timbers; you've got a little margin for error with...any randy thoughts that may have popped into your head the previous week."
I'm sorry for her and her family. I really am.
Tanbark,
Sorry for her family too, but Jeez...
us blues,
Thought you were going to go "...and the serpent you rode in on" on me there for a sec.
Will Divide,
It never rains, but it pours.
You know the bible says that they shall 'take up serpents'. Not 'poisonous' serpents. Maybe they should switch to garter snakes? I'm just sayin....
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