Just one more War.

I can stop whenever I want to.

Really!

File under: Reason #6,943 why anointing an untreated, dry-drunk Preznit with delusions of grandeur to White-Knuckle his White House into the last reel of White Heat might have been a bad idea.

Because such a one as that would never have had to pass through the 12 Steps of Disaster Recovery and emerge on the other side clear headed and calm.


Step #1: Admit that you are powerless over the disasters you created in Iraq abroad and in New Orleans at home, and that your incompetent foreign and domestic policies have become unmanageable.

Step #2: Come to believe in a Party greater than your own which could restore this country to sanity.

Step #3: Make a decision to get you and your band of criminals and lunatics the Hell out of the White House before you can fuck up anything else.

Step #4: Make a searching and warrantless inventory of yourself. Use the NSA to drill into the deep corners if necessary: they seem pretty adept at that kind of thing.

Step #5: Admit to God, yourself and the American people the exact nature of your fuckuppery.

Step #6: Be entirely ready to have God remove your shortcomings, and a newly-functional Congress remove you and your co-conspirators to federal prison.

Step #7: Humbly ask God to remove your shortcomings, and then bend over and get ready to be hosed down with subpoenas.

Step #8: Make a list of all the persons you have harmed and be willing to make amends to them all. Thank God for your forest clear-cutting policies, because you’re gonna need a lot of paper.

Step #9: Make direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. Drag Jenna and Not Jenna -- by the hair, if necessary -- down to the Army recuiting station. Tomorrow. Or demand they carry a coupla them Snowflake Babies to term. Visit a few thousand wounded soldiers and apologize to them and their families for being such a morally bankrupt, intellectually bereft, emotionally dead embarrassment to the nation. Demand Cheney’s resignation. Tomorrow. Followed by Rummy, Chertoff, Rice, Rove and every single one of your science “advisors”. This will take every dime you have and several lifetimes to accomplish, but the price-tag your failure of leadership has stuck us with for the next two generations is so terribly, incalculably higher that anything you can imagine.

So quit lying and sniveling and get started.

Now.

Step #10: Continue to take a personal inventory and immediately apologize when you fuck up. To cover you bases, just spend the next twenty years closed-loop-Rain-Man repeating, "Im sorry. I'm sorry. I am sooo fucking sorry" to anything that moves.

Step #11: Seek though meditation and study to improve you conscious contact with the Constitution of the United States of America. Seek only to understand what the Founders intended for us to be, and seek only the power to carry out their mission to maximize American liberty and privacy, and curtail governmental tyranny, intolerance, coercion and secrecy, not t'other way 'round you feeble-minded child!

Step #12: Having had a Constitutional Awakening as a result of these Steps, you will try to carry this message to other Republican Neocons and Christopaths, and to practice Constitutional principles in all of your affairs.


Start immediately.

There are Progressive meetups in every city almost every day where you can go and find support for your newfound Abstinence from Autocracy, and you can begin right now by looking yourself in the mirror and saying out loud:

"My Name is George Dubya and I am a Hegemonoholic."