Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Just one more War.


I can stop whenever I want to.

Really!

File under: Reason #6,943 why anointing an untreated, dry-drunk Preznit with delusions of grandeur to White-Knuckle his White House into the last reel of White Heat might have been a bad idea.

Because such a one as that would never have had to pass through the 12 Steps of Disaster Recovery and emerge on the other side clear headed and calm.


Step #1: Admit that you are powerless over the disasters you created in Iraq abroad and in New Orleans at home, and that your incompetent foreign and domestic policies have become unmanageable.

Step #2: Come to believe in a Party greater than your own which could restore this country to sanity.

Step #3: Make a decision to get you and your band of criminals and lunatics the Hell out of the White House before you can fuck up anything else.

Step #4: Make a searching and warrantless inventory of yourself. Use the NSA to drill into the deep corners if necessary: they seem pretty adept at that kind of thing.

Step #5: Admit to God, yourself and the American people the exact nature of your fuckuppery.

Step #6: Be entirely ready to have God remove your shortcomings, and a newly-functional Congress remove you and your co-conspirators to federal prison.

Step #7: Humbly ask God to remove your shortcomings, and then bend over and get ready to be hosed down with subpoenas.

Step #8: Make a list of all the persons you have harmed and be willing to make amends to them all. Thank God for your forest clear-cutting policies, because you’re gonna need a lot of paper.

Step #9: Make direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. Drag Jenna and Not Jenna -- by the hair, if necessary -- down to the Army recuiting station. Tomorrow. Or demand they carry a coupla them Snowflake Babies to term. Visit a few thousand wounded soldiers and apologize to them and their families for being such a morally bankrupt, intellectually bereft, emotionally dead embarrassment to the nation. Demand Cheney’s resignation. Tomorrow. Followed by Rummy, Chertoff, Rice, Rove and every single one of your science “advisors”. This will take every dime you have and several lifetimes to accomplish, but the price-tag your failure of leadership has stuck us with for the next two generations is so terribly, incalculably higher that anything you can imagine.

So quit lying and sniveling and get started.

Now.

Step #10: Continue to take a personal inventory and immediately apologize when you fuck up. To cover you bases, just spend the next twenty years closed-loop-Rain-Man repeating, "Im sorry. I'm sorry. I am sooo fucking sorry" to anything that moves.

Step #11: Seek though meditation and study to improve you conscious contact with the Constitution of the United States of America. Seek only to understand what the Founders intended for us to be, and seek only the power to carry out their mission to maximize American liberty and privacy, and curtail governmental tyranny, intolerance, coercion and secrecy, not t'other way 'round you feeble-minded child!

Step #12: Having had a Constitutional Awakening as a result of these Steps, you will try to carry this message to other Republican Neocons and Christopaths, and to practice Constitutional principles in all of your affairs.


Start immediately.

There are Progressive meetups in every city almost every day where you can go and find support for your newfound Abstinence from Autocracy, and you can begin right now by looking yourself in the mirror and saying out loud:
"My Name is George Dubya and I am a Hegemonoholic."

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

Damn, man, I'm glad the weather is beginning to cool, cause the heat has made your writing as wonderfully bizarre as the music I'm listening to. I'd hate to see you hurt yourself over all this madness. ;-)

Anonymous said...

One war at a time....

Anonymous said...

...BWA ha HA ha HE heee HOOOOO (snort)....

..OK, that's the FUNNY shit...

...almost as funny, drifty, as was the chimperor's interview (HEH) with brian williams...which was DIVINE COMEDY...


...like KURTZ, bush offhandedly discusses the loss of a major AMERICAN city as JUST coming across a PILE of innoculated arms on the floor...(the WHY escapes him...he DOESN'T want to get out of the BOAT)
....
....the calluses on that man's conscience are SEVEN miles long...

....

...and watching him CACKLE his hands up, QUIVERING, shoulders HUNCHED like a sweltering SUNDAY tent FAITH healer...

....john stewart NAILS him...



....if they JUST showed more of him on the TV...he'd poll WAY less than the THIRTIES...

Anonymous said...

He probably can't pronounce "hegemonoholic," so I suggest "asshole" instead.

Anonymous said...

Amen, driftglass honey, Amen.....(Old Sow from the Lake)

WereBear said...

Hey, now, the Prez has an eck-ah-lectic reading list, don't ya know!

driftglass said...

US Blues,
Just tired. So much more to do than time to do it.


Thx all. More later.

Anonymous said...

Funny and brilliant and makes me want to cry. I think I saw something on Digby where someone mentioned the Generals citing Anitetam.

Vonnegut wrote an essay years ago where he also compared war mongering to addiction. War starters or war preparers anonymous. I have it my file drawer somewhere. The phrase I remember is something like, I don't trust old men who start wars (from their armchairs) and recklessly send young men off to die. Warlike old men.

"Just another poor boy off to fight a rich man's war."

Steve Earle

Anonymous said...

Antietam

Anonymous said...

If I believed in a god, I would pray to it that even one of these things might happen. Even one. Pick one, any one. Just make a start, you whinging, cretinous excuse for a 'President'.

Great work, driftglass.

Karen McL said...

I also had a thought on this one...WHY they is SOOOoooo Impotently angrish and Vile to DEMs and ole Bill C.

Because No Sycophantic, Power Hungry, White House Intern of any stripe would be willing to wave her Be-Thonged Fat-ass with a Come-hither smile splashed across her face in Ole CIC's direction. (Or Rover's or Cheney's).

Pure ENVY - that No Matter HOW much Power they GRAB for...those lucious 72 Virgins would avoid THEM like the Plague Infested Corruption of Flesh they ARE!


*snark2*

(I know...I'm mixing metaphors...but you get the idea.)

Karen McL said...

BTW ..wasn't that Another Camus Book CIC was *supposed* to have read? "The Plague"?

Hahahahahhahahaha!