Pumps Up

Ho’s Down.

GOP Gas-Holes are shocked -- shocked! -- to find that whores don’t actually like being treated like whores.

So file this under “P” for Pythonesque:

Biggles: No, no, no, you loopy brothel inmate.

Secretary: I've had enough of this. I am not a courtesan. (moves round to front of the desk, sits on it and crosses her legs provocatively)

Biggles: Oh, oh, 'courtesan', oh aren't we grand. Harlot's not good enough for us eh? Paramour, concubine, fille de joie. That's what we are not. Well listen to me my fine fellow, you are a bit of tail, that's what you are.

This from the NYT... (One jigger of emphasis added by me)

Sharp Reaction to G.O.P. Plan on Gas Rebate
By CARL HULSE and DAVID D. KIRKPATRICK
WASHINGTON, April 30 — The Senate Republican plan to mail $100 checks to voters to ease the burden of high gasoline prices is eliciting more scorn than gratitude from the very people it was intended to help.

Aides for several Republican senators reported a surge of calls and e-mail messages from constituents ridiculing the rebate as a paltry and transparent effort to pander to voters before the midterm elections in November.

"The conservatives think it is socialist bunk, and the liberals think it is conservative trickery," said Don Stewart, a spokesman for Senator John Cornyn, Republican of Texas, pointing out that the criticism was coming from across the ideological spectrum.

Angry constituents have asked, "Do you think we are prostitutes? Do you think you can buy us?" said another Republican senator's aide, who was granted anonymity to openly discuss the feedback because the senator had supported the plan.

Conservative talk radio hosts have been particularly vocal. "What kind of insult is this?" Rush Limbaugh asked on his radio program on Friday. "Instead of buying us off and treating us like we're a bunch of whores, just solve the problem." In commentary on Fox News Sunday, Brit Hume called the idea "silly."

...
The proposal would also give the executive branch new authority to set fuel standards for cars, an idea that will get a hearing in the House this week.

David Winston, a Republican pollster who advises the Senate Republican leadership, called the rebate an intuitive way to show voters that Republicans were on their side. "It is like putting the American family budget ahead of oil company profits," Mr. Winston said. "How do you help the American families out? Well, give them some money."

But disapproval started flowing in almost as soon as the idea surfaced, said aides in several Republican offices. One senior aide to a Southern lawmaker said the calls were surprisingly harsh. Some complained that the rebate would amount to only two fill-ups at the gas station.

Even though some voters have been outspoken in their opposition to the $100 rebate, Democrats still want credit for being the first to think of putting money back in taxpayers' pockets. A few days before the Republicans went public with their plan, Senator Debbie Stabenow, Democrat of Michigan, proposed a $500 rebate plan, a figure that she said was more commensurate with how much the higher gas prices will cost Americans this year.

Ms. Stabenow also criticized Republicans for linking the rebate to oil drilling in the arctic refuge.

Republicans know that drilling in the refuge "is highly controversial and not going to happen," Ms. Stabenow said. "I question their sincerity in putting this forward."
...

On some level, you gotta pity the GOP and on another level, it is to laugh.

$100 in cash is streetwalker coin.

It’s five $20s; something for a john to fold and drop on the dresser or toss on the bed while he zips up, mutters “Thanks, babe” and slinks away back home to wifey and Junior.

It’s “Here’s a hundy: now bend over and read what wrote on this cocktail napkin in your best dirty-schoolgirl-voice” and there was never a ghost of a chance it would ever be taken as anything else.

So why would the GOP think this was a good idea?

Habit.

Think about it.

The key to GOP rule isn’t especially arcane or mystical: The simple formula to these people grabbing and holding power has always been their willingness to relentlessly pimp and pander to the worst impulses of their base at the expense of the common good, national security, the Constitution, the environment and the economic health of the country.

And finally they’ve just gotten so accustomed to treating their rank-and-file like their own, private Comin’ Home To Glory Hole for the last 30 years (that’s Galilean Year. In Creationist Years, they have been ripping off their obtuse base for…let’s see…carry the seven…divide by the age of Noah…for about the last 3/100th of a second) that they've started to take their hoors for granted.

They have grown so dependent on the clockwork reliability of the pig people selling out their own children’s future on demand for the price of a tax cut or a flag-burning amendment, or gay-bashing ballot initiative that have forgotten there is still an art to negotiating for the horizontal charms of anyone.

That there is still a cardinal rule when you're ripping off the stupids: That you have to at least try to fake up some respect for the rubes as you fleece ‘em.

Even if it’s just an itty-bitty bit.

Even if you have to read through gritted teeth, off a cue card, squinting and mispronouncing every name.

Even if it’s just the chancred tail that works the alley outside the RNC.

Even if it's the same doughy redneck trailerbait that you’ve cranked your sin-riddled midnight goo into a thousand times before.

And so the moral of the fable is this: Just because they’re two-buck-electoral-cracksluts doesn’t mean you can insult them to their faces. Because in the end, even the lowliest Republican voter needs to pretend they still have some judgment and some pride and all those missing teeth are really a turn-on.

That they’re still purdy.

And no matter how hagged-out and morally repulsive they are in a clear light, in the forgiving glow of the Fox News logo they desperately want to believe they’ve remained enough of the coquette that they could still catch and hold your eye across a crowded Election.

And if you're dumb enough to cavalierly deprive them of that last, threadbare bit of fiction they draw around themselves to shield them from the ugly truth about who and what they really are, be warned:

They will bite your damned nuts off.