Thursday, April 27, 2006

Fat Man in a Little Lie.


Dennis Hastert: Auto Redact?

So Denny Hastert was caught in flagrante Canyonnero (From the Medieval Latin for “while the crime is a Blazer”...although there seems to have been a little goof up in the original translation)

Don’t worry, Denny.

Republican voters are idiots anyway, right?



This from the AP (HT to Crooks and Liars…)

House Speaker Dennis Hastert of Ill., center, gets out of a Hydrogen Alternative Fueled automobile, left, as he prepares to board his SUV, which uses gasoline, after holding a new conference at a local gas station in Washington, Thursday, April 27, 2006 to discuss the recent rise in gas prices. Hastert and other members of Congress drove off in the Hydrogen-Fueled cars only to switch to their official cars to drive back the few block back to the U.S. Capitol. (AP Photo/Pablo Martinez Monsivais)

And the thing is, Denny knows this story won’t matter one fucking bit, don’tcha Denny?

Of course it doesn’t matter.

‘Cause you guys just auger the eyes right out of your loyal base and whiz raw sewage straight into their skulls year after year after year, and yet they obviously like it, right Denny?

I mean after being faced with overwhelming evidence of Republican lies and treachery, who but a pack of catastrophic frontal lobe malfunction cases would actually vote to keep the vortex that was consuming their country whirling?

Who but the worst kind of suicidally self-loathing dolts would line up behind the GOP after Katrina?

Who but an oil drum full of gila monsters wouldn’t vomit up their last nineteen meals at the thought of associating with a Party led by degenerate hatemongers like Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell?

So not to worry, Denny: You’re safe.

If the Intellectually Left Behind that prop up your Party can’t work up anything but the creepiest kind of shrieking, zombie Maoist loyalty for a gang of liars, brigands and halfwits who have lied them into a catastrophic war and mortgaged their children’s future for the greater glory of Exxon, it’s not like one more Republican Lie is going to matter.

Of course if it were a Democrat doing it, your Party would have convened hearings on it and have sworn in the first witnesses by the time you pulled your Escalade into your garage.

But now, three years after the preemptive invasion of a sovereign nation on false pretenses and over five years since 9/11, your Party still categorically refuses to look into any of the genuinely crucial questions behind those disasters.

Shit, your Party doesn’t even allow its lobbyiest pimp overlords friends to be put under oath when you do actually bother to look into things, so don't sweat it. In the verity free-fire zone that is the GOP, your little deception is no more statistically relevant than a teaspoon of matchheads in a solar flare.

14 comments:

Mister Roboto said...

Wow, that's downright "Simpsons-esque"!

Walt said...

Great Bog in His Heaven ... the LEAST the stupid motherfuckers could have done was at least TRY to hide their hypocrisy.

JG said...

Sad but true, this won't matter a bit. Only thing that might get their attention is hookers at the Watergate Hotel - but that's only because they like thinking about hookers.

Anonymous said...

Oh Drifty,you make me laugh,you make me cry,often at the same time.

You need to be writing campaign speeches and political ads and getting a fine paycheck.If I was gonna run for office you'd be the first one I'd beg to head up my team of speechwriters and PR people.

Sadly,I have too much of a"ahem,cough"checkered past to be viable as a candidate,so I'll never be able to offer you a job.It's the thought that counts?

I think it's all a cry for help.They're daring us to stop them now,the question is,will we?

Having worked for many years with kids,from cradle to teenager,I can honestly make the case that today's GOP is an out of control,self centered,spoiled,greedy,selfish brat.(I worked at a private school,preschool to grade 6 ,for 4 yrs,not to mention raising my siblings and my own kids and countless baby sitting jobs)And the way you deal with that is to take the kid firmly(not meanly)by the shirt collar,get eyeball to eyeball with them,and say,in all dead seriousness:

"Knock it off,or your little behind will be REMOVED from ALL contact with others and the things you like.And we start now with..(fill in blank).The longer you keep it up,the more you're gonna LOSE".

I don't believe in physical violence,but there are times you have to use force to stop people's actions when they won't stop harming others.People who do harm or have no impulse control aren't going to EVER respond to nice and polite requests to cease and desist.When you don't work and play well with others,and you're inciting hate and getting people hurt(not to mention stealing and lying,and godknowswhat),then you have to go into time out til you get your shit together,as long as it takes.Then we sort out who did what to whom and what punishment,if any, is warranted.Why the general American population isn't screaming for a war crimes tribunal and investigations into the outright theft of the US Treasury speaks to how fucking stupid and dumbed down the American people as a whole are.

Sorry,for blabbing,but I'm so tired of fat,bloated,criminal pigs being something people actually aspire to be and defend.And when anyone with brain cells firing who sees this and calls bullshit on it is vilified,I start losing Hope that we will rise up and take these people out of power.

Anonymous said...

I've lost friends I had for decades over this. It just got to the point where I couldn't stand to breathe the same air as people that love Bush and his criminal ilk. I'd look at someone's face, and all I could think was, "And what does that say about you?" Are they so dirty, or so stupid? Either way, it's not someone I want to hang around with, it poisons my soul.

And still, still, they have the nerve to act like they are in the right, that they are in the majority. wtf???

Anonymous said...

Full-bodied, exquisite top notes, great legs, complex on the palate, smooth finish- must be a driftglass rant, Vintage 2006.

dcnative said...

And nobody ever points out that it takes OIL to create hydrogen fuel cells, so he's still protecting his Big Oil Buddies with this alleged "plan." Look at Brazil, newly powered on sugar cane.

Why can't the MSM ever at least scratch the surface of these issues to give the public even a modicum of truth?

Arrgggh.

Klement said...

Hey, don't bring the Maoists into this. Hastert is about the furthest thing from a Maoist possible. The hijinx of the right-wingers is truly boundless, as you point out, however.

Karen McL said...

Oh the small joys of living in Dennis Hastert Corners again *thrill* me to the core!

Hahahhahahaha! Bleh!

[But the dyspepsia on Denny's face looking at Boehner while their party implodes (page 2 of the Trib Today) is priceless too.]

jurassicpork said...

Yeah, let's talk about Republican hypocrisy. Let's start with the O Man. Here are my impressions of this non-story that help to dispel the erroneous reasons for the excitement surrounding it. It's the corollary issues that are important and how it exposes the hypocrisy and inequality in this country.

Anonymous said...

Now, now, Drift, I bet Speaker Hastert only left his "green" car because the SUV had the window down and he smelled a half-eaten pack of Hardee's 90-weight-heartclog-freedom-fries sitting on the front seat.

All it was, was a case of:

"Hey, Man; you gonna eat that?"

Post-repast, I'm sure he got back into his hydro-car and conserved all the way back to the Capitol building.

But your piece did give me an idea.

How about we take the billion-and-a-half a week we're urinating into the shitmire, and just BUY every driving american, a new alternative vehicle?

We could throw in Kim Basinger, on the back seat. (She looks...supple...:o))

Anonymous said...

What's that guy on the bottom left doing to the hybrid?

driftglass said...

anon,
Prying out the puppy they ran over.

tanbark,
You crack me up, sir :-)

klement,
Stalinist then. But Maoists still suck.

dcnative,
They don't do 'rithmatics.

us blues,
Gratzi.

muddy,
I keep at 'em. Not Fundies -- they're a cultural dead-loss and beyond redemption -- but people I know who self-identify as conservative. Taking their internal temperature and pushing, pushing, pushing.

other anon,
Thank you kindly. Actually I think Dems would kill this year if they went Colbert-funny in their approach. Everyone knows how to counterpunch against the frontal assault, but GOPers have no clue how to cope with mocking humor.

RagingGurrl,
They had a hooker -- a gay hooker -- shilling for them in the WH press room. For two years.
Didn't make a particle of difference.

Anonymous said...

"GOPers have no clue how to cope with mocking humor."

Not at all, couldn't pull a pin out of their ass with a bulldozer.
Head shaking disbelief and humor should be used more often to deflate those Sabbath Gasbags.