Sunday Morning Comin’ Down…Part II

(OK, before cutting out for a bit, I scrolled through the original post and it ran absurdly verbose enough to hurt my poor scrolling finger, which is also my "Hey bartender" finger, so that's just too damned long. So to serve YOU the customer better, I'm cutting this thing in half.

Which also happens to make this both my 199th and 200th post, which I must admit, feels pretty wild.)

Continued from previous post...

Over on Meet the Press: Kenny Mehlman is on Timmuh. Mehlman is outraged – outraged! -- at all this runaway bad thinkfulness about The Rove. And leading Dems owe Karl Rove an apology!

I’m positive that he’s just stamping his little feet under the desk.

I’m also pretty sure he’s Morsing a complicated “I want your chubby blunderbuss” blink-code to Timmuh as he speaks.

Timmuh looks at him both saucily and pityingly.

Mehlman says he has tremendous confidence in Pete Fitzgerald and blahblahblah wrong to comment blahblahblah ongoing investigation...but refuses to say he would accept Fitzgerald’s conclusions.

As a matter of fact he gimp-danced around it so badly, John Podesta was moved to whisper, “Just say ‘yes’. Say ‘YES’.” loud enough for the microphones to pick up.

It would be accurate to say that Ken Mehlman is, at this moment, in the middle of a humiliating ritual of self-immolation on national television. It would also be accurate to day that I am SHAMELESSLY loving this.

But since The Rove is apparently owed an apology of some sort by Democrats for some reason, let me unofficially take up that gauntlet and start the ball rolling.

Karl, I am really sorry that you were raised to be a soulless basilisk traitor.

I am terribly sorry you exist and occupy space in my Universe.

I am deeply, sincerely sorry you have chosen to serially betray your country in order to better serve your Dark Master.

More wisdom from the gabby end of Mehlman’s digestive tract.

Mehlman: See there are different phases of an investigation. So apparently during the fake, warm-up, dress-rehearsal phase of the investigation, it was perfectly OK for Scotty Dog to merrily butt-scoot a whole mile-long choo-choo train fully of lies and faux outrage about Bush and Rove and the rest of the First Family of Crime in from the White House podium...

...but now that the Really, Really, Real part of the investigation has kicked in, the only honorable thing the infinitely Justice Luvin’ Scotty Dog could do is to stand mute and sweat like Nixon’s idiot love-child.

Mehlman: Scotty dog would like nothing more than to be here this morning refuting this nattering nabobbery, but because this Administration has such a raging hard-on for the Rule of Law, they just can’t allow it.

Mehlman: This Administration is NOT all about attack-attack-attack. That is such a big, stinky lie. We’re all about cooperate-cooperate-cooperate.

4...3...2...1

Mehlman: Joe Wilson’s a bad bad man. Bad Man. Bad man Joe Wilson is. Joe Wilson’s wondering who’s going to play him in the movie. Maybe Joe Wilson is confusing his screenplay with reality. Has there ever in the 6,000 year history of life on Earth been a badder man that Joe Wilson? And not in a cool, Negro “Leroy Brown” kind of way that I learned when I was boning up for my speech at the NAACP that the word “bad” can connote either. Not at all! Just Bad. Joe Wilson. Bad Joe Wilson Man.

And Timmuh finally raises the Big Question: If this happened in the Clinton Administration, what would the RNC be doing?

This is the question. This is THE question that I would dearly love to see repeated ad infinitum. The relentless Hunting and Impeachment of Bill Clinton is the screen against which all of this plays out. It is the standard of behavior which the Republicans themselves have set and we are fools if we don’t take up this cudgel they have handed us on a silver platter and beat them to Yellow Elephant tartar at every opportunity.

According to Ken Mehlman it is unthinkable to him that a leading Republican would pounce on this if it had been done in the Clinton White House.

Hmmm.

One possible theory to explain an assertion this defiantly bizarre might be – and I’m certainly not implying that it’s true – that perhaps, during boy-play, Scotty Dog’s man-rivet actually poked Ken Mehlman’s frontal lobes right out of his skull.

If Timmuh ‘s eyebrow arches any higher it is going to unzip the top of his scalp like a pumpkin-shaped Dop Kit, and Podesta is suggesting that “my good friend” Ken apparently slept though the 90’s...which is good. Better would have been heaving a bucket of water on this dribbling slab of GOP slunkmeat and watching him melt, or at least a spit-take, or laughing so hard that Podesta falls off his chair.

Ken Mehlman, please, as a personal favor from you to me, PLEASE keep wandering out in front of cameras and saying ludicrous shit like this...and then huffing around and digging the Mile Deep Shame Hole even deeper whenever anyone calls you on it.

Chris Matthews – oh fuck it. Can’t watch...

Wait a Minute! Katty Kay! Eye-candy! With an accent!

Well that changes everything. Now it’s just softcore newsporn, so it’s Go Time, baby!

Howard Fineman sez that the real problem for the White House is that now this case will require that we “re-litigate” the whole casus belli for the War in Iraq.

Ok, he didn’t say “casus belli” but a hearty “Bingo!” nonetheless.

Clarence Page: The question becomes...ah, never mind. Lost it.

Fineman: If there is no indictment, the story will die.

Sam Donaldson: “...but that was an untruth.” Again, no. This was a lie. The Administration lied. Why the fuck can’t you people say that? Why do you whores dance around this word. McClellan lied. Rove lied. Bush lied. Why the hell are we still tossing powderpuffs like “untruth”, “Misled”, “misinformed”, "mistruthification", when a perfectly accurate, one-syllable, AngloSaxon word that the FCC has not yet outlawed is sitting right there?

Then comes the Matthew's Maypole Dance about Supreme Court appointments; a passing-fair imitation of midnight, rum-fueled, fact-free grad student speculation. Could be a chick. Could be a Abu Gonzalez. Could be Fred Thompson. Could be a wingnutter so hard-right in the political spectrum that he or she positively vanishes in a cloud of Constructionist, Articles of Confederation infra-red.

Or maybe not.

A couple of people suggest that the President should find an intellectual heavyweight, and THAT’S the part that jumped out at me.

Reminded me of this thought-experiment: Say your sitting around talking to Albert Einstein or Steven Hawking, wondering WTF they’re saying and generally trying not to look dead-mule stupid. Then Magic Lighting strikes him and doubles or triples his IQ.

Question is, how could you tell the difference?

So seriously, exactly how would a hollow, cerebral bantamweight like Bush even know if a candidate for the Supreme Court was brilliant or not? Or mediocre of not? Or just one, small notch above Dear Leader’s own room-temperature IQ or not?

This man who famously does not read, does not know a fucking thing that he is not spoonfed by toadies, who runs out to brag to the press whenever he almost-masters and New Big word like “disassemble”...how the fuck would he know a Learned Hand from a Pauly Shore?

If the ass-munchers who butter, pre-chew and the regurgitate his intellectual bread for him dressed up the execrable Mr. Shore in a crisp new suit and told GW that he was a “real interesting guy”, and the reflex-motor Berserkers who “Hulk Smash!” anyone who says anything even mildly critical of Dear Leader came out in force, and the gelded press just nodded and called it a “bold if controversial choice”, and the Vassal GOP Up-Or-Down-Rubber-Stamp Congress approved this objectively fucked up and insane choice as they have so many others, and if the Right-wing spear-carrying Brooksian Gnomes of Punditland started calling it “just another example of both-sides-are-equally-wrong politics as usual” the minute a Democrat stepped up to a microphone and said, “You’re fucking kidding right?”...

I laughed when this scenario occurred to me.

Then two words – John Bolton – came floating back to me. Then I stopped laughing.

Fineman opines that (presumably because just anointing him would raise too many eyebrows among octagenerians who actually remember living in a “Democracy”) businessmen in Florida are already getting together a “Draft Jeb” movement, to generate a “call” which Jebby will reluctantly answer.

I see him as more of an infantryman myself, but considering his political pedigree, maybe sniper school is more his speed.

Oh, were not talking about Iraq?

Well perhaps you wanna be more careful using the words “draft” and “Bush” in the same sentence. For a second there, I thought there might have been a member of this generation of Bushes who wasn’t a punk-ass pussy.

OK, I just looked up and noticed the local PBS station is showing “Sweet Smell of Success” and I barely discerned the transition, so it’s really time for a break and some fresh air, because near as I can tell, the only different between it and what passes for news these days is that the dialogue in “Success” is a lot snappier.