The Life Cycle of a Bush Douchebug

The lowly Dung Beetle has more nobility in one poo-covered leg that a Douchebug.

Douchebugs swarm over the morally decomposing corpus of the Bush Administration like maggots, so let’s use the illumination for today’s headlines to examine one.

Prior to coming to work for the American Oil Monarchy in the White House, Philip Cooney – like so many others young GOP go-getters -- had had his soul cut into slivers with long, steel knives, pulled out through nose with the ritual Silver Spoon and stored in a koptic jug as prescribed by the ancient Republican ritual of Moneyfication: the replacement of anything ressembling a social or environmental conscience with and overweaning desire to be the meat in a Cheney-Douchebug-Bush sammich. And the drive to make lots and lots of lucre even if it fucks the Planet up for the next 10,000 years. After all, what have future generations ever done for us?

Then he became a lawyer, with a bachelor’s in economics.

Then he got a gig as "climate team leader" and lobbyist for the American Petroleum Institute. You know, those nice people who are trying to disembowel Science by relentlessly “disassembling” on the subject…so that they can get away with fucking the Planet up for the next 10,000 years.

Then this little petroslut with no Science background whatsoever got hired by the House of Bush to take his Box of Douchebug Crayons and edit those nasty refernences to “global warming” (AKA the dirty, never-to-be-spoke-aloud-in-polite-company “gw” word inside 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. We who have to live with the neverending torrent of lies coming from the White House have a very different, dirty, never-to-be-spoke-aloud-in-polite-company “GW” word.) To invert them, trivialize them or obliterate them from the Administration’s own report.

In other word’s in a way that it entirely consistent with the “mutually-masturbating confederacy of whores, liars, Fundy lunatics and Christ-pimping hucksters” that the GOP has become (OK, that was me quoting my own blog posting, which is a little incestuous but oddly satisfying. The link for more details and invective is here.)

And now, having been caught trying to help poison the global well in a way that threatens the lives and health of millions, has Douchebug Cooney been executed like the dog that he is? Jailed as any saboetuer would be? Thrown into a dungeon or pressed into service humping a rifle in Iraq to pay for his horrific violation of the public trust?

Nah.

He got a promotion.

Sez so right here in the NYT...

Ex-Bush Aide Who Edited Climate Reports to Join ExxonMobil

By ANDREW C. REVKIN
Published: June 15, 2005
Philip A. Cooney, the White House staff member who repeatedly revised government scientific reports on global warming, will go to work for ExxonMobil in the fall, the oil company said today.

Mr. Cooney resigned on Friday as chief of staff to President Bush's environmental policy council, two days after documents obtained by The New York Times showed that he had edited the reports in ways that cast doubt on the link between greenhouse-gas emissions and rising temperatures.
…
The White House, which said Friday that there was no connection between last week's disclosure and Mr. Cooney's resignation, repeated today that Mr. Cooney's actions were part of the normal review process for documents on environmental issues involving many government agencies.

"Phil Cooney did a great job," said Dana Perino, a deputy White House spokeswoman, "and we appreciate his public service and the work that he did, and we wish him well in the private sector."

...ExxonMobil has long financed advertising and lobbying efforts that question whether human-caused warming poses sufficiently serious risks to justify curbing carbon dioxide, the main greenhouse gas emitted by smokestacks and tailpipes.
...

Nothing going on here but the everyday betrayal of the people of the United States by the criminal syndicate that’s running this country.

Nothing but a little payola to another whore for another competent bit of Bareback Blowjobbery.

Nothing but a brazen “Fuck You” from the White House spokesmonkey as a sweet little cherry on top.

Nothing that doesn’t happen every day in the Party that's packed to the fucking gunn'ls with bleating Christiopathic Bible-thumpers who shriek 24/7 that they and they ALONE are this nation's Inerrant Moral Authority, and the rest of us are lying, America-hating heathens.

No, after fucking YOU the public over AND getting caught doing it, the Douchebug moves on to greater wealth and prosperity than the trailer trash that elected his boss and will suffer most from his duplicity will see in five lifetimes. And gets a big, wet kiss on the mouth from the Administration for doing such a fine job of ass-raping the rubes.

Thanks, Red State Fundies! We here in the 21st century stand in a kind of awe at your ability to eagerly give your unquestioning fealty to the same people who rob your parents, beggar your children, plunder your land and ruin your health…time after time after time after time.