Is this Satan’s Lighthouse?!?

This shocking bit of Satanic 'rithmetic via the National Post suggests that stupid people may need to be reprogrammed to hate and fear an entirely different set of three meaningless numbers:

Beast's real mark devalued to '616'
Revelation fragment

Chris Wattie
National Post - May 4, 2005
Satanists, apocalypse watchers and heavy metal guitarists may have to adjust their demonic numerology after a recently deciphered ancient biblical text revealed that 666 is not the fabled Number of the Beast after all.
A fragment from the oldest surviving copy of the New Testament, dating to the Third century, gives the more mundane 616 as the mark of the Antichrist.
...

Well, well ,well. Whatever will we tell the fucktards? Especially since their tiny-brained Literalist faith does not allow for even the possibility of error in their doctrine, no matter how tiny.

Well , lets see what new stuff we’re going to have to learn to be irrationally afraid of:

The RAF’s 616 Volunteer Gliding School.

Ranch 616 Restaurant in (ominous piano interlude!) Texas (Gasp!)

Route 616 - The Chancellory Connection: The Chicago area Pace bus route with the vaguely soft-core-porno-sounding name.

Section 616 of Subchapter II of Chapter 11 of Title 22 of the US Code Collection wherein the Devil Himself hath written in some arcane impish glossolalia:
"The Attorney General shall retain in permanent form one copy of all registration statements furnished under this subchapter, and the same shall be public records and open to public examination and inspection at such reasonable hours, under such regulations, as the Attorney General may prescribe, and copies of the same shall be furnished to every applicant at such reasonable fee as the Attorney General may prescribe.”

Statutory Instrument 1998 No. 616 -- The Beef Labelling (Enforcement) Regulations: “This Time It’s Personal!” Also, IMHO, terrific name for a garage band. Especially now that it's all Satan-y.


And oh fuck, this is gonna be embarrassing: Article 4, Section 616 of the US Catholic Bishops - Catechism of the Catholic Church:
“It is love "to the end" that confers on Christ's sacrifice its value as redemption and reparation, as atonement and satisfaction. He knew and loved us all when he offered his life. Now "the love of Christ controls us, because we are convinced that one has died for all; therefore all have died." No man, not even the holiest, was ever able to take on himself the sins of all men and offer himself as a sacrifice for all. The existence in Christ of the divine person of the Son, who at once surpasses and embraces all human persons and constitutes himself as the Head of all mankind, makes possible his redemptive sacrifice for all.

Wow, the hits just keep on coming.

And the picture? That’s a photo of a lighthouse in Grand Haven, Michigan with the Area Code of the Damned: 616. Grand Haven…of Evil is more like it. Obviously a town full of Satanists that need to be driven from community of the Godly. Extra clever Satanists too, since they have managed to cover up this diabolical truth for so long.

Poor, poor Fundies.

Oh and don’t even get me started on the mistranslation of the REAL plan for the Faithful GOP Elect during the Final Days. Apparently it’s not “The Rapture”. It would appear that it actually begins with something called “The Rupture” and all I can say is, it’s gonna be messy.

What? This is any more ludicrous than “Evolution is just a Theory?”