Senator Lugar...

We await your call.

(This is part of a longer overview of the Sunday fiesta of Crash Test Dummies that I will get to if I can squeeze out a free hour today. But for now...)

See, this is what happens when Moderate Republicans forget the “safe word.”

Dick Lugar, when asked today on Fox about where he stood on the Nukuler Option stated decisively that he was...undecided. Make that Categorically Undecided! Brave, brave Sir Robin.

And then like a well-behaved Moderate Servant of an Evil Master he tried to steer the conversation artfully around the 600-ton Rotting Stegosaurus Carcass in the middle of the room – that his party is run by Dangerously Crazy People – and spoke hopefully (and, to my ears, more than a little desperately) of his belief that there still may be Voices of Reason on both sides...
There could still be compromise...
Yes, the sun‘ll come up tomorrow.
Tomorrow, there’ll be sun!

Seems that the voices of moderation (that seem to exist largely within Senator Lugar’s head) are not so much affronted by the Lizard People that run his party, but that the Dems are now beginning to refuse to let themselves be ass-raped at-will by the Saurons.

According to Lugar, the real problems are:

The Democrats, who are “totally unreasonable” stand the Democrats are making.
The Democrats, who are taking this terrible stand against allowing and up-or-down vote on judicial nominees.
The Democrats, who are refusing any compromise.

Uh, Dick (Sorry, Senator Dick), Puddin' Haid George has gotten 96% of his nominees through already. The Dems have objected to 4% -- that’s Ten! Count ‘Em, Ten! -- of people from the Steaming Dregs of the Crazy Barrel...and yet we are being unreasonable.

Seems to me that anyplace outside of the GOP House of Usher (full of death and madness, and soon to collapse), getting 96% of what you asked for right out of the box is the very definition of “compromise”. Hell, the very definition of “capitulation”. Of running the table. Of winning at a walk. But “radical” and “unreasonable”?

Who the hell are you talking to?

And thus we see yet in the harsh, naked light of Sunday Morning, the iron spike on which the "Moderate" Republicans now writhe. There is no way to sound like anything other that Tom DeLay’s personal Sock Puppet Jug Band when you get stuck having to argue that blocking 35% of Clinton Nominees was "reasonable" and yet blocking 4% of Bush Nominees is "radical".

But the Lugars of the Republican world have no choice, and it is getting progressively uglier to watch. Theocrats no longer bother to hide anymore. DeLay and the Shining Path Republicans now overtly call the tune now, and this spectacle is like unto the sight of otherwise dignified men forced at gunpoint to strip naked, rub their own shit their hair and play leapfrog with each other on national television...Because Boss Tom sez, “Jump Boy!”

They are Tom DeLay's trained seal, having to humiliate themselves by Shouting Very Loudly talking points that they have to know are absurd...and while dangling at the end of a DeLay’s leash, they practically beg for EVERYONE ELSE to please, please, please let the monster have his way. Again.

And as unseemly as it to watch a once-stout heart like Lugar grovel on behalf of his Teratoid Overlords, sorry Senator, but No Fucking Way.

Were on to the “Zeno’s Paradox” con game: move half the distance between Liberty and Tyranny and call it compromise. And then move half the remaining distance. And then, half of that again...but always conspicuously in the same direction. If you want anyone outside of Der Fuhrerbunker to respect you, turn around and punch these fuckers in the throat.

So what’s the “safe word” that’ll get you out of this grotesque Iron Maiden into whish you’ve been squeezed and constricts further and further every day?

Well let’s just say that when the ‘droid arrives bearing a hologram of you saying, “Help me Obi Wan Kenobe. You’re my only hope” we’ll know you’re serious.

Until then, you’d best start liking the position of Tom DeLay’s Rump Puppy; we hear he likes it rough and bareback.