Fundraiser Final Day

OK, now he's just screwing with me.

So the Mustache of Understanding came to my city to talk to my Mare about my subject matter.

Well, well, well.

I stopped by Chicago’s City Hall last week to interview the mayor, Rahm Emanuel, the former White House chief of staff. I find “Rahmbo’s” Chicago agenda intriguing because it’s a microcosm of what the whole country will have to do for the next decade...

No, not quite true.

It would be much more accurate to say that Tom Friedman stopped by Chicago (and didn't even drop in to say "hey!") to give Hizzoner 2.0

one of his trademark full-body journalistic massages: a glowing, stenographic report of what an awesome job Rahm is doing...based on Rahm's assessment that Rahm is doing an awesome job.

The first problem is that the title -- "A Progressive in the Age of Austerity" -- would be correct if Mayor Rahm were a Progressive.

He isn't.

Second, I read the article back and forth several times and noticed several sentences like this --

"But politics has stood in the way of their adoption[says Mayor Rahm]. Maybe in the past, we could afford the political path. But we have come to the point where we can’t afford it any longer."

-- and the acronym "C.E.O." used twice.

You know what words I did not find in the article at all?

The word "Machine".

The word "clout".

And the word "Daley".

Which is altogether predictable: when he is not pulling profundities out of his own fundamental Friedman's journalistic style consists almost entirely of passing along the doings and sayings of various C.E.O.'s (and the C.E.O.'s who love them) in hushed tones of giddy awe.

Whatever is happening on the 5th floor of City Hall and whatever gloss a drive-by steno like Friedman wants to put on it, the fact is that below decks thing are a mess.

Rahm's budget is shot because Daley hocked everything he could lay his hands to prop himself up for his final three years in office. This he did with the full support of the Chicago Machine and with the City Council acting as his willing accomplice.

Rahm's line workers are shot because for the last several years those who weren't clout-protected were driven like rented mules to make good on one special Mayoral initiative after another, while random layoffs dropped like bombs all around them.

Rahm is looking down the barrel of a skills shortage --

And, on a bad day, Emanuel notes, he finds himself “staring right into the whites of the eyes of the skills shortage.” His city has thousands of job openings going unfilled, he says: “I had two young C.E.O.’s in the health care software business in the other day, sitting at this table. I asked them: ‘What can I do to help you?’ They said, ‘We have 50 job openings today, and we can’t find people.’ ”

-- because for decades the ossified city college system has been used as the pasture out to which politically-connected friends have been put, and because the departments and agencies which are collectively charged with dealing with workforce issues have been cut and then randomly cut again, reorganized then re-reorganized then re-re-reorganized, split up and then gobbled up into a polyglot mess of a mega-department all while being whiplashed by kaleidoscopically ever-changing policies, priorities, special projects and funding rules that all get re-bid every year or two.

It's no way to run a rodeo, but its sheer arbitrariness and brutality coupled with the ever-present knowledge that the clout-protected guy one office over from yours doesn't have to sweat any of this shit does absolutely guarantee that you will eventually drive even the most nobly-intentioned public servant into permanent defensive crouch and perpetuate a culture where no one dares to risk anything or try anything new because unless you are a part of the inner circle (for whom a soft landing place will always be found no matter how objectively incompetent you may be), in this economy, even a shitty job with eroding benefits and working for a dolt is better than no job at all.

Whatever Mayor Rahm told the credulous Mr. Friedman, Chicago's system of entrenched, monied interests and protected elites -- a system now drained of the dough needed to keep itself running smoothly -- it is a system that permitted Rahm to become its Mayor because it concluded Rahm was best suited to protect it, not dismantle it.

Regular readers know that over these many years I have frequently reported on the ins and outs of Chicago politics , budget games, the ethics shell game, and City Hall culture generally, as well as the labor and workforce situation (and, of course, our corrupt ex-Governors.)

Hell, occasionally I even put it to music

Rat's In The Boodle

A child arrived just the other day,
Not on the clout list, but dat's ok,
But there were plans to hatch and bribes to pay,
He learned to cheat while I was away
He was scamming 'fore I knew it and as he grew
He'd say "I'm going to be like you Dad,
An Al-der-man just like you."

Chorus :
Another rat's in the boodle,
Just like Silver Shovel
Nobody'd believe dis shit
If you put it in a novel,
"When you gonna run son?" "I don't know when."
"We'll get together then,
We'll get you on da clout list then."

My son turned ten just the other night
Showed him how to rig a vote up good 'n tight.
Will you teach me good and bad?
I said, "Not today,
I got thumbs to bend." He said, "Dat's OK."
And he walked away, but his smile never dimmed
Said, "I'm going to be like him, yeah.
An Al-der-man just like him."

Chorus :
Another rat's in the boodle,
Just like Silver Shovel
Nobody'd believe dis shit
If you put it in a novel,
"When you gonna run son?" "I don't know when."
"We'll get together then,
We'll get you on da clout list then."

He got into office just the other day,
Another Daley-man, and I just had to say,
"Son, I'm proud of you, now about my bail..."
He shook his head (looks like I stay in jail)
"What I'd really like, dad, is your sucker list.
I'm in need of some ducats dat won't be missed."

Chorus :
Another rat's in the boodle,
Just like Silver Shovel
Nobody'd believe dis shit
If you put it in a novel,
"When you gonna run son?" "I don't know when."
"We'll get together then,
We'll get you on da clout list then."

I've since made parole, but now my son's been popped
I called him up to see how he copped
"I'd like to see you, if you don't mind."
He said, "Don't say nuthin weird 'cause they bugged this line.
Let's just say my new "job's" a hassle and da "kids" have da "flu"
But it's sure nice talking you Dad, it's been real nice talking to you."
And as I hung up the phone it occurred to me
He'd grown up just like me,
An Al-der-man just like me.

Chorus :
Another rat's in the boodle,
Just like Silver Shovel
Nobody'd believe dis shit
If you put it in a novel,
"When you gonna run son?" "I don't know when."
"We'll get together then,
We'll get you on da clout list then."

And I can tell you with perfect confidence that Tom Friedman's quick snuggle-bunny puff piece on Da New Mare -- which cites only Da New Mare and a couple of C.E.O.'s -- will tell you exactly nothing new or true or important about the actual state of politics or gummint in the City of Chicago.

It will, however, confirm everything you already know about the work habits Thomas L. Friedman.

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