Thursday, August 04, 2005
Carville Discovers Novak’s Launch Codes.
Sneering, dyspeptic traitor loses his mind on the air.
Maybe the voices are coming from that there cup?
Well, did a loyal American cameraman perhaps land a priest-blessed silver flickdart in the oily flanks of Human Gallstone, Bobby Novak?
Did some someone opening a window on the other side of the building set in motion a never-to-be-reproduced, trick-pool-shot with a ray of sunlight reflecting off of a pair of spectacles, caroming from a watch-face, ricocheting from a hand-mirror and refracting from the newly squeegeed framed Hockney print in the hall...only to land on the undead flesh of he-who-was-cobble-together-from-Krauthammer-leftovers, searing the beast and sending him into a smoking, insane rage.
Did someone slip a little Holy Water into his vinegar and Victory Gin onscreen beverage?
No, but one thing is clear: the Number One Rightwing Golem “journalist” lost it on-camera. Something got all burr-ish under the saddle of CIA-outing, GOP ponyboy. The good people at Crooks and Liars had it up in seconds, and it seems to make no sense at all.
He and James Carville are chatting, and suddenly he shout’s “Bullshit”, gets up and stomps away.
God have mercy on Bob Novak’s dog tonight.
But a crack team of audiologists and out-of-work Zapruder film analysts went into the lab, and they found, just below the audible level, a series of almost subsonic commands being sent from Carville to Novak.
Here, in pictures, is that strange story. (Oh, and BloggerBot is drunk or senile or something, so I’m going to try this with regular links that may or may not result in embarrassing failure that will shame my family unto the twelfth generation.)
Here we see Karl Rove conducting his popular “Treason for Dummies” seminar. Shown here are Novak, Hume, Scooter, Scotty Dog, Jeff Gannon among others.
Later, Judith Miller and Bob Novak talk a little treason.
“No Bob, Ahmad promised me the job of Imperial Consort. You don’t have the legs for it. Besides, I’ve written a column...
“The column is short. But it's the most rousing column I've ever written. It's been worked on, here and in Iraq, on and off, for over eight years.
“I shall force someone to take “My Little Goat” away from him and George will really hit those microphones and those cameras with blood all over him, fighting off anyone who tries to help him, defending America even if it means his own death, rallying a nation of television viewers to hysteria, to sweep us up into the White House with powers that will make martial law seem like anarchy.
"Now, this is very important. I want Plame taken out two weeks after he begins his State of the Union speech -- depending on his reading time under pressure.
"You are to hit her if her husband raises a ruckus over the phrase, 'The British government has learned that Saddam Hussein recently sought significant quantities of uranium from Africa. Our intelligence sources tell us that he has attempted to purchase high-strength aluminum tubes suitable for nuclear weapons production. Saddam Hussein has not credibly explained these activities.' Is that absolutely clear? "
After lots of trial and error and watching the movie and noting the striking similarity between Angela Lansbury and Mary Matalin...
...Carville figures it out!
In the Green Room together...
...Carville and Novak count down the seconds
Just before walking on-set...
...Carville confronts Novak!
First, in a close-magic move he learned from Penn Jillette, Carville flashes Novak a Queen of Diamonds.
Second, in a subvocalizing move he learned from Waylon Flowers, Carville begins to speak.
“Robert? I want to answer me in that special way that Dr. Waylon Flowers taught you. Ok Robert?”
“Robert. Listen carefully. Are you listening?”
“We are about the have a conversation about your hideous, Joan Crawford corpse make-up. Do you understand, Robert?”
“Yes...sir. My...Joan Crawford...corpse make-up.”
“And while we talk, I will I say ‘Editorial Page’. What will I say, Robert?”
“When I say that, Robert, you will find yourself on a date. Do you understand Robert?”
“A date, Robert. Another date with another young lady you have tricked into dining with you.”
"She rebukes your creepy advances – as all the others have."
“At that moment, the fact that you will never, ever stick your diseased pecker or drain your bloated poison sac into something you didn’t hire, drug or pick up at the pet store again falls upon you like a federal indictment.”
“Are you ready Robert?”
Click here to see what happened next...