The Hot New Costume All the Kids Will Be Wearing This Halloween

"Mitch McConnell 'Returns' To The Senate." 

Scary!  

Better hurry and get yours today.  I hear they're flying off the shelves.

No Half Measures

Professional Left Podcast Episode 1022: The Hearts of Men

"For nothing is secret that shall not be made manifest; neither any thing hid that shall not be known and come abroad."  --  Luke 8:17

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McConnell To Return?

At this point, who knows?  From WLWT Channel 5:

Senate set to reconvene Monday, but Mitch McConnell's return remains unclear

Of course it's unclear.  After all, since McConnell cannot cross running water and cannot rise from his crypt until after sunset, this makes the logistics of his staff hauling his mortal remains to the Senate -- including stripping every cross and holy symbol from the place and getting garlic added to the official Senate cafeteria food allergy list -- tricky.

Burn The Lifeboats

In Race for Most Tasteless 9/11 Memorial, Jackson County Michigan Republicans Really Stepped Up

From the indispensable Heartland Signal: 

Jackson County GOP names 9/11 golf sponsorships after attack sites

Sponsorship tiers named for the Twin Towers, the Pentagon and Flight 93 are on sale for a “Tee Off in Remembrance” event on the attacks’ 25th anniversary.

The Jackson County Republican Party in Michigan is facing scrutiny from state Democrats over a fundraiser offering golf packages named after the sites where nearly 3,000 people died in the Sept. 11, 2001 terrorist attacks.

The event, billed as “Tee Off in Remembrance,” is set to take place on the 25th anniversary of 9/11. Event organizers are encouraging local businesses to “maximize” their visibility, entertain clients and showcase products by purchasing tiered sponsorship packages named after the Twin Towers, the Pentagon and Flight 93, the flight that crashed near Shanksville, Pa.

The Michigan House Democratic Fund (MHDF) issued a press release demanding that state Rep. Kathy Schmaltz (R-Jackson) publicly denounce the event and pressure county party leadership to pull the plug...

 

If I couldn't buy a "My Pet Goat" sponsorship or a "Bin Ladin Determined To Strike in US" sponsorship or a "I'm Not Concerned With Osama Bin Laden" sponsorship at this ludicrous event -- 

-- then it wasn't really much of a "Remembrance" was it? 

Burn The Lifeboats

Coming To You Live From The Lindsay Graham Memorial Closet...

...what might be the weirdest fucking thing that happened at Trump's Dallas short-bus freakshow.

From The Advocate:

Hasan Piker's 'meat pic' was on full display at the Republican National Convention

Republicans put the left-wing political commentator's thirsty selfie on the Jumbotron, and the internet has thoughts.

Why?  Why?  Why?

Great question.   Because at this point Republican politics is less an ideology than an increasingly specific browser search history.

The simplest explanation -- Occam's cock ring, if you will -- is that it titillates two of the GOP's key constituencies:

First, self-loathing gay Republicans who remain in pathological denial. And rest assured this accompanying Twitter embed is entirely coincidental.   

What the FUCK is going on at the Republican midterm convention??? He’s just screaming incoherently😭😭😭 pic.twitter.com/4TV8em9byX

— Harry Sisson (@harryjsisson) September 9, 2026

And second, all the Handmaid's Tale trad-wives who publicly celebrate their ability to pop out kids for the Fatherland like Pez dispensers and cheer every time one of their basic civil rights is stripped from them by the Dear Leader's minions, while in the privacy of their own minds they crave the strange and forbidden...

Like fucking a -- gasp! -- Socialist.

And screaming at the tops of their lungs without any fear that the HOA will report them to ICE.  

Burn The Lifeboats

Lifelong Conservative Sarah Longwell Going on Morning Joe...

 

...to flog her new book and tell newly minted "independent" Joe Scarborough how Democrats should be running things may well be peak I fucking told you this is where we'd end up if liberals handed over our hard-won moral authority to a bunch of Republicans who had to flee their own party because they fucked it up so badly.

Fun Fact: For months now, The Bulwark has basically morphed into Sarah Longwell's personal AbeBooks page, reminding everyone every few minutes to Buy! Her! Book! Not a single conversation passes without her eventually beginning a sentence with, "As I say in my book..."

Now indulge yourself for a moment and imagine what the world would look like if the liberals who had been right about the Right all along had been given even a fraction of the tens of millions of dollars' worth of free, glowing, round-the-clock promotion these ex-Republicans have received from the legacy media since Day One.

Second Fun Fact: I have been asked by readers several times over the past 21 years why I don't write a book of my own. After all, I've got around 12,000 posts to draw from, some of them the length of novellas, so why not?

The answer is simple. It would be a Love's Labour's Lost kind of thing. A tremendous amount of work to do it right. Weeding out the typos alone might take as long as Penelope weaving and unweaving Laertes' burial shroud.

Then I'd be on my own to hire professionals to vet it and edit it. Then it'd have to be self-published and self-promoted, with me bearing all the costs. And in the end, while I'm sure a number of you lovely people would buy the thing, I would have spent far more time, energy, and money on such a project than I could ever hope to recoup.  

And frankly, there are a lot more enjoyable ways to lose money than writing a book that will change nothing and that almost no one will ever read.  

Burn The Lifeboats

Professional Left Podcast Episode 1021: The Coal Ash Of Politics

"Garbage in, garbage out."  --  George Fuechsel, IBM programmer and instructor, 1950s or 1960s

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Closing Time

There was nothing worth your time to see in Dallas last night.

Nothing at all.

It was all the usual lies.

Told to all the usual, goggle-eyed homunculi.

In a half-empty barn.

By a rapidly decomposing degenerate monster.

Nothing to see here.

The public was offered a $5,000-per-adult, Trump-branded bribe if Republicans keep the congress.    Wildly illegal and as nonexistent as your Trump DOGE check and your Trump tariff rebate.

Great new health care system will be up and running in a matter of weeks,

The last two years have, of course, been the greatest two years in the history of creation.

Oh, and we're all still baby-killing Commies.

Also Fetterman showed up because there were cameras to prance in front of and it would piss off Democrats, and what else has he got.

Nothing to see here.

The same, old, tired lies about “We won the presidency three times.”

And the United States now has “the lowest drug prices in the world.”

And Iowa gasoline was “$1.85” before he launched the Iran war.

And “Food prices and almost every other item are rapidly going down.”

And “Over $20 trillion” has been invested in the United States during his second term.

And, the topper, “Every single promise I made you as a candidate, I've delivered on. I've delivered on everything.”

Nothing to see here but the loudmouth at the end of the bar, getting louder and more grandiose as the clock counts down to closing time.  And while a few waterheads and barflies who he's been promising free drinks all night are still hanging in there, listening attentively, the rest of the bar has mostly cleared out.  

If Mussolini had given a long, rambling speech in February of 1945 about his amazing successes, awesome, single-handed victories and Italy's bright future, the tone of it would have sounded a lot like this.  

You might remember that eventually, Mussolini tried to flee disguised as a German soldier.  

 Didn't work out.  

So we probably all should be keeping a weather eye out for an orange slob, dressed in a "Free Mumia" tee-shirt and blond wig, trying to sneak away in a catering truck with a sack full of cash and his FIFA "peace prize".

Other than that, nothing to see here.

Burn The Lifeboats