The Three Weird Tricks To Fix Our Democracy That No One Talks About

Other than electing Democrats by overwhelming margins for the next 50 years, there are three ways to begin reversing the massive damage Republicans have inflicted on our democracy.

But no one talks about them.

Are they invoking the 25th Amendment, impeaching and removing Donald Trump, or making Washington, D.C., Puerto Rico, or Guam a state?

No.  Because the first two will never happen, and the third would require the aforementioned overwhelming Democratic victories.  But people do talk a lot about these as if they were Easy Buttons, don't they?

What about getting rid of the Electoral College, or ranked-choice voting?  Ranked-choice voting is an interesting idea, but it's not the sweeping solution to our critical problems, even though far too many people pretend it is.  And as to getting rid of the EC, well, that would require a constitutional amendment, which means passage by two-third of the House, two-thirds of the Senate, and ratification by three-quarters of the states.  

Side note: let's agree to put any noble ideas about fundamentally changing the structure of the government on the far back burner for now.  I, for one, would love it if, overnight, we became a constitutional democracy. Open the system up to multiple political parties and coalition building.  But that's not going to happen in my lifetime. 

Also, put not your faith in some third party that will attract enough Democrats, Republicans, and independent voters to do anything other than siphon votes from one major party and help the other squeak into power.  Of course, as long as the republic stands, there will continue to be bumper crops of grifters selling third-party Fool's Gold, and plenty of credulous dopes buying it, but they will solve nothing and change nothing. 

What about everyone's favorite, "Getting the money out of politics"?  Well, best of luck with that!

So, having cursorily examined everyone's favorite democracy-saving magic bullets, let's consider mine.

First, the Conservative media -- all of it -- agrees to get out of the business of spreading lies, slander, bullshit conspiracies, and racist garbage.  

This would cut off the poison that's killing the country on the supply side.  

Second, Republican voters choose to stop seeking and heeding lies, slander, bullshit conspiracies, and racist garbage.

This would cut off the poison that's killing the country on the demand side.  

Third, the legacy media -- all of it -- agrees to stop the "Both Sides" false equivalence nonsense, and instead report bluntly and honestly on the gargantuan asymmetry between American fascists and the opponents of American fascism.  

This would leave undecided/swing/independent voters no place to hide.

Now all three of these genius ideas of mine are, of course, ludicrous. Literally unthinkable.  Fine.  But let's you and I take the next step and ask a more important question.  Why?  Because you'd have to agree that any one of those three weird tricks would be sufficient to back us away from the abyss, and all three together would heal this country almost overnight.  

So why are my ideas so obviously laughable, impossible, and unthinkable, while so many of those other impossible magic bullets fly so easily -- almost reflexively -- off the tongues of so many people?  

If I may hazard a guess, I'd guess that things like impeachment or amendments to the Constitution come from a persistent, credulous belief that the problem lies with the machinery of government.  That if we could just get under the hood and sufficiently tinker with the transmission and carburetor of America's government institutions, we could both crush American fascism here and now and preclude its future recurrence.

Which is, sad to say, ridiculous.  A lovely and vain hope that this is all some kind of Seldon Crisis --

A "Crisis" or "Seldon Crisis" are significant events predicted to occur by Hari Seldon's psychohistory affecting the Foundation. The Foundation, as predicted by Seldon, will encounter these Crisis and, hopefully, prevail.

-- and it is the inherent nature of American democracy which will save itself in the end.  

But it's not democracy that needs fixing.  

I'm sure all the reforms on your personal wish list are worthwhile, and we'd all be better off with them enacted into law, but let's face it, it's not that institutional reforms are worthless. It's that no set of reforms can compensate for a political culture willing to abandon the principles those institutions were built to protect.

If the last ten years have proven anything beyond any doubt, it's that the guardrails of our democracy are no match for a sufficiently large and motivated mob of bigots and imbeciles led by degenerate monsters, narcissists, looters, and wannabe tyrants.  Not when roughly a third of eligible voters couldn't be bothered to cast a ballot in the 2024 presidential election—not even when the future of their own democracy was on the line. Not when fascist propaganda outlets are free to flood the country with garbage all day/every day.  Not when billionaires can spend unlimited sums of cash to effectively buy American elections and legally bribe elected officials.

We don't have an institution problem: we have a people problem.  And the reason my suggestions are, on their face, more ridiculous than the others is that, deep down, everyone knows that the Conservative propaganda industry would never voluntarily give up its core business model of selling malignant racist filth to idiots.  And the legacy media would never voluntarily change its core business model of telling reassuring, toxic "Both Sides" fairy tales to the cowardly and the credulous.

And since none of these private enterprises have any incentive to stop the very profitable business of poisoning American democracy, why dwell on the impossible idea that they would ever consider putting country over profit?  

Because the problem isn't that these people don't understand what's happening. The problem is that what's happening is working for them.

The propagandists get richer. The politicians get power. The media gets access and ratings. The voters get to believe whatever makes them feel righteous. And the rest of us get to live in the country they've made.

So we keep proposing constitutional amendments, parliamentary systems, ranked-choice voting, public financing, and all the other perfectly sensible mechanisms of a functioning democracy.

Which amounts to drawing up blueprints for a house, many of whose occupants have decided they would rather burn it down.

And we keep telling ourselves that if we can just fix the wiring, replace the plumbing, and shore up the foundation fast enough, everything will be fine.

But you cannot patch up a democracy faster than its citizens can be persuaded to destroy it. And no constitutional amendment can save a country where enough of its people no longer want to be saved.

Burn The Lifeboats