17 Things I Would Rather Do Than Write Another Fucking Post About Newton Leroy Gingrich

1. Competitive Lego barefoot sprints.


2. Zero-gee, extreme pogo-sticking in a tin shed full of rats.


3. Genital dental floss tug-of-war.


4. High altitude cactus diving.


5. Ghost pepper papercut origami. 


6. Extreme Light Infrastructure Nuclear Physics  laser tag.


7. Electric cable Double Dutch. 


8. Vogon poetry.


9. Trump singing "My Way" and stopping to "explain" that he wrote it every few lines. 
   


10. Water balloon dodgeball, subzero, at-home version.  


11. Schrödinger's Cat's Revenge. 


12. Frozen oranges "pillow" fight.


13. Waking up on a seven day National Review cruise.


14. Waking up on a 17 day National Review cruise.


15. Random detonation solitaire.


16. Hornet nest dodgeball.


17. Write two more posts about Newt Fucking Gingrich.  

I had foolishly hoped that we were all done with Gingrich.  That he had evaporated, or sunk back into the primordial proto-MAGA slime from whence he came.

But every time I think we're out, the legacy media drags him back in.  So it appears I have been summoned:

New York Times Guest Essay

There’s Only One Way to Win a Shutdown. Democrats Don’t Have What It Takes.

By Newt Gingrich

Which I guess I'll be back sometime later with that.

No Half Measures