I’m Familiar with Danger Mouse and Mighty Mouse and Jerry Mouse.

And the lesser-known but equally important Timothy Q. Mouse.

I have listened to Modest Mouse.  

I've used a Transparent Mouse (a novel idea), and am using a Laser Mouse right now.

I have read "The Mouse That Roared".  I've also read "Flowers for Algernon" which seems depressingly appropriate at the moment.  

But I'll be damned if I've ever encountered Transgender Mouse, which, according to Grandpa Syphilis, is an actual thing on which we're spending a few taxpayer pfennigs which is why [checks notes] Elon Musk is awesome and we need to cut Medicaid and fuck over American farmers.   

Yes, I watched the whole awful thing, and I wondered where in the world?  And to my complete lack of surprise, that story originated in the addled brain off rom psychological train-wreck Nancy Mace, and was then filtered through all the usual poison garbage sites -- 

Daily Mail

Shocking revelation woke Biden administration scientists spent millions turning monkeys and mice transgender

Nancy Mace makes stunning admission about trans lawmaker  

South Carolina Republican Nancy Mace slammed the Biden administration for using more than $10million in taxpayer money to fund ‘painful and deadly transgender experiments' on mice. 

Breitbart

Trump Reads Out ‘Appalling’ Examples of Waste Discovered by DOGE: ‘$8 Million for Making Mice Transgender’

Fox News:

$10M in taxpayer funds spent creating transgender animals: Rep. Nancy Mace

-- until, at last, Grandpa Syphilis puked it out on live teevee in front of an international audience. 

This was, of course, all deeply embarrassing to the sentient members of our species, and immediately debunked by [checks notes again] everyone who has ever taken high school biology.  

From everyone is entitled to my own opinion: 

“eight million dollars for making mice transgender. this is real.”

no, no, no, no. nobody is spending government money to make mice transgender. you low-wattage dolt. the word is transgenic.

let’s say you’re a cancer researcher, and you implant some human genetic material into mice, in order to better study how cells mutate. boom! — you’ve just created transgenic mice.

nobody is doing sex-change operations on mice and setting them loose in Nancy Mace’s bathroom.

reading comprehension, how does it work? how clownfuckingly illiterate do you have to be to screw that up? and how hot do you have to be to demonize people that every time you see trans at the beginning of a word, your brain goes fuckity-bye and visions of entire teams of boy mice playing against girl mice in mouse schools across the nation dance in your head?

Not that this will make one iota of difference, but those of us still living in the Real World do appreciate the effort.

Now take it away, The Irish Rovers:

Burn The Lifeboats