An Ode To The Low-Information Voter

Because I know you are so very very busy

That you have no time to know anything at all

I will keep this brief.

I know you are far too busy driving Chinese toys and 

Cigarettes and

Pressboard furniture across the continent 

To pay attention to anything

Except double-clutching and yellow lines, and

The radio,

Which is playing Hannity and Rogan and Savage and Levin and Beck and 

Shapiro and

Kirk and 

Savage and

Prager and 

Larson, and, of course,

The game, and

Maybe you have just enough time to stop off in that Ohio diner and 

Tell to the New York Times foreign correspondents 

Permanently stationed there

About the caravans of illegals and

The price of eggs and 

Shoplifting in San Diego and yet

You are also a single mother

Raising nine kids and

Working nine jobs who

Has no time to think about anything except

Making correct change and getting the order right, and

Who is up and who is out on the Masked Singer, and

Can you believe the bullshit judging on Dancing the the Stars, and

Dropping in on focus groups to explain about how tariffs work, and

The illegals making houses so expensive, and

Why Kamala Harris cannot be trusted,

(Did you know that she slept her way to the top, and

Her father is a communist!) and

You remember hearing something about January sixth or

Maybe it was the seventh, whatever, 

You're not exactly sure what, but

Strangely you are also 24 and a dude and have no girlfriend,

Which is fine, really, fine, because you are just crazy busy all the time

With...stuff like Call of Duty and GTO and Diablo 4, and

Your shitty job where customers ask the stupidest questions, and

Bitch about everything like you're Mr. CVS, and

How come fucking Joe Biden will pay off those rich college fuckers bills, but

Won't make weed legal in your state, and

Someday you're going to be making real money with MMA

Because you practice your moves in your garage, but

It's hard to relax when everything is so fucked up, like, uh, like,

Y'know the price of stuff and crime and shit, and 

What we need is a badass MMA guy to kick some ass because,

Respect, gotta have respect,

Chicks go for that like magnets, and

You remember hearing on Twitter something about 

COVID being a scam, and somehow 

You're also a retired couple, living well, but 

You hear all these things,

On the news, and

It's all so bad,

So, so bad,

Never been so bad,

Sure you're doing ok, but out there, just over the horizon,

The country is in ruins, and

Unemployment has never been higher, and 

DEI caused the California wildfires, and 

What's going on on college campuses which is just shameful, and

Inflation is out of control, and 

Crime gangs run the Blue cities, and,

The government is giving all our money to moochers and foreign wars, and

Everyone knows Biden was being controlled by you-know-who, and

Do your own research because everything is out of control, and 

It's never been this bad before

Ever.

Burn The Lifeboats