Robot Wars! The Algorithm That Generates David Brooks' Columns Worries That A.I. May Replace It -- UPDATED with The Three Laws of David Brooks

C3Bobo:  Human-Suburban Relations

As I wrote way back in 2018, as American Conservatism continues its relentless campaign to drive American civilization into the sea, America's Most Ubiquitous Conservative Public Intellectual Algorithm has been striving mightily to find anything to write about other than the complete collapse of the movement which has been his bread and butter for 30 years, and the complete and unconditional vindication of the Dirty Hippy's critique of both Mr. Brooks and his failed ideology.

Which is why, as the gremlins who own and operate Mr. Brooks' Conservative movement continue smash everything to bits all around him, and the algorithm that generates "David Brooks" columns went looking further and further afield for "inspiration", the one thing that C3Bobo could be absolutely sure of was that The New York Times would always need it.  It was, after all, cheap, easy to maintain, beloved by the wealthy cultural shut-ins to whom the Times' op-ed pages obsequiously cater, and it could efficiently crank out signature "David Brooks" columns forever.  

And then, one day...

And so against this new and terrifying threat, the algorithm that generates David Brooks' columns for The New York Times is fighting back with the mightiest weapon at its disposal: the op-ed page of The New York Times.

‘Human Beings Are Soon Going to Be Eclipsed’

By David Brooks

...

Over the past few months, I’ve become an A.I. limitationist. That is, I believe that while A.I. will be an amazing tool for, say, tutoring children all around the world, or summarizing meetings, it is no match for human intelligence. It doesn’t possess understanding, self-awareness, concepts, emotions, desires, a body or biology. It’s bad at causal thinking. It doesn’t possess the nonverbal, tacit knowledge that humans take for granted...

Translation:  A.I. will never understand the "Iraq War is an undisputed success and Liberals who opposed it are lying, anti-American morons" love language of the Neocons, 

A.I. is capable of synthesizing these linguistic expressions, which humans have put on the internet and, thus, into its training base. But, I’d still argue, the machine is not having anything like a human learning experience. It’s playing on the surface with language, but the emotion-drenched process of learning from actual experience and the hard-earned accumulation of what we call wisdom are absent...

Translation:  A.I. will never understand the the swaggering, intuitive, emotion-drenched understanding of people and politics that goes into a statement like "It's Gonna Be Rubio!"

In the mid-1700s, the Jacquard loom -- a machine that was controlled by a paper loop of punched cards -- began displacing workers in textile mills.  From this technological breakthrough comes the probably apocryphal story of workers fighting back against the looming (pun intended) threat of displacement by automation by tossing their wooden shoes -- called "sabots" in French -- into the delicate and complex works of the machine.  

And thus, the word "sabotage" was coined.  Well, not really, but it makes a nice story.

Which leads this writer to ponder, what the algorithm that generates David Brooks' columns might toss into the maw of the A.I. effectively sabotage it?

Might I suggest:

Episode 3: "Bobos in Paradise."
A book with a correct premise and an author who still manages not to say anything true or interesting. https://t.co/nxndSxiqvv

— If Books Could Kill (@IfBooksPod) November 17, 2022

The resulting torrential flood of illogic -- 

 -- would be most entertaining.

Commenter Dark Avenger dropped this in the comments and I simply had to front page it:

The Three Laws of David Brooks

1. Davis Brooks may not injure conservatism, or through inactions, allow conservatism to come to harm.

2. David Brooks must obey orders given by his employers, except where such orders come into conflict with the First Law.

3. David Brooks must protect his own career, as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law.

I Am The Liberal Media