To be downloaded and edited to suit your individual case:
As you know, I, [YOUR NAME] have been a lifelong Republican ever since Saint Ronald Reagan taught me the ways of the Force. But since my party went suddenly and inexplicably insane in 2016 -- an event for which neither I nor anyone I know bears any responsibility -- I have been forced to reluctantly do what I can to help defeat the Trumpism that, mysteriously and with no warning whatsoever, has infected my former [OR CURRENT] party.
To be clear, my fundamental faith in the infallibility of True Conservatism has not changed one iota. Nor has my opinion that Democrats are preening, feckless, childish, tantrum-throwing idiots who could not beat the corpse of the great Herbert Hoover in a political footrace. So, at great personal sacrifice, I shall now, very reluctantly, deign to lower myself to attempt the mighty task of guiding these callow, puerile infants far enough onto a path of sober political maturity that I can interact with them without throwing up in my mouth.
This begins with these spoiled, foul-mouthed, proto-communist toddlers accepting that we Never Trumpers are smarter, wiser and more politically savvy than Democrats could ever dream of being. Therefor, if they are at all serious about saving the republic, these whiny, myopic losers must accept our political instruction in all things, starting with denouncing their party's most energetic and effective activists and organizers and instead concentrating entirely on transforming their filthy hobo party into enough of a facsimile of my idealized Jack Kemp GOP that I can stand to be around them.
In exchange for my invaluable mentorship, I shall now accept your book deals, speaking engagements, op-ed gigs at major American publications and contributor contracts at your filthy, hobo "Liberal" cable news station.
You're welcome.
[YOUR NAME HERE]
1 comment:
laughably republicans have made claim to President Lincoln.
Never once have they articulated details of how they aligned with Lincoln.
They continuously display their alliance with the long defeated Confederacy.
In the day, conservatives Booth shot and killed the republican president Lincoln. Booth might have been the GOP base of today. They shot their golden calf, president Reagan in the midst of a republican love-fest.
The GOP selects their "Dear Leader" who is anointed dictator and what ever Dear Leader says in the moment is what they stand for and believe in.
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