Friday, August 06, 2021

"Cori Bush Has Probably Doomed The Republic!" and Other Never Trumper Bedtime Stories


To save you the trouble of slogging through Thursday's installment of The Bulwark podcast, let me break it down for you.

First there comes a little sittin' on the porch time. Passing the jug and grossly misremembering the Good Old Days of Conservatism.  

Back when Charlie Sykes could hang out with Dinesh D'Souza without shame because Dinesh was a Serious Intellectual.

(He never was)

And Tom Nichols was getting his paycheck signed by Ben Domenech before Box Turtle Ben turned The Federalist into a wingnut shithole.

(Box Turtle Ben Domenech has always been venomous little trifler and Nichols collected his last check from Box Turtle Ben on or about November of 2017, so nope twice over.)

Then comes the pure comedy of ol' Tom and ol' Charlie giving themselves rotator cuff injuries patting themselves on the back for their unique and penetrating insights into how fucked up the Right is.

What follows is an actual transcription of Charlie Sykes:  

Sykes: You'll understand this, Tom, the... there's only one thing more annoying than being wrong it's turning out that you were more right than you thought. Which is really annoying because I don't want to be right about this...

The rest of this is a fanciful reimagining of Sykes and Nichols which remains largely true to the spirit of their conversation. 

Sykes: But is what's happening on the Right... fascism?

Nicols: You know how I hate that word, Charlie, especially when (shudder) Liberals use it...

Sykes: I know, I know.  They're the worst.

Nicols: But I am a world-renowned expert in such things, having studied Russia since I was 11...

Sykes: And...  And...

Nicols: And it kinda, sorta looks like... fascism.  Or maybe neofascism.

Sykes: I knew it!  God damn, we're geniuses aren't we!

Nicols: We must be.  After all, we saw this coming five minutes before Joe Walsh did!

Sykes: And that is the universally recognized threshold of "genius".

Nicols: This is why MSNBC hired me.  Because literally no one else on planet Earth has been more uncannily predictive about the trajectory of the GOP than me.

Sykes: And me too.

Nicols: Yeah, whatever.  

Sykes: After all, we've both written books haven't we?

Nicols: Thanks for reminding me that I'm here to promote my book. 

Sykes:  We'll get to that, but lets talk about fascism some more.  

Nicols: Or neofascism.

Sykes:  I always thought of fascism as a series of facial tics and fashion choices.

Nicols: Sometimes it is.  Other times you get Nazis.

Sykes:  Shall we move on to this week's Obligatory Dire Warnings For Democrats?

Nicols: And then my book, right?

Sykes:  Right.  So this week's Obligatory Dire Warnings For Democrats is "Cori Bush May Have Already Destroyed The Democrats And Doomed The Republic!"

Nicols: That is 100% true.  And after we get done giving that strawman a good thrashing, I hope we'll have time to discuss how Democrats are to blame for Republicans doing monstrous things.  

Sykes: We always do!  But first, Cori Bush is a relatively unknown, first-term congressperson from Colorado.

driftglass:  Nope.  She's from Missouri.  But please go on.

Sykes: And this week, in the heat of the moment, she said something foolish.

Nicols: It was the single biggest political disaster in the history of politics.  And this one thing said by this one congressperson proves once again what my close personal friend Rick Wilson always say, that Democrats comprehensively suck at politics.

Sykes:  Which is why they should shut up and do what we tell them, right?

Nicols: That is 100% true.  What Democrats are too stupid to understand is that some Republicans somewhere will weaponize this and then every suburban hausfrau who was considering not voting for the fascists will see this in an ad and, bing bam boom, just like that, the end of our democracy as we know it!

Sykes: Democrats sure are stupid.

Nicols: They sure are. What they refuse to see is that all Democrats everywhere are 100% responsible for anything any Democrat says anywhere.  If any one of them ever says anything that doesn't have the Tom Nichols Seal of Approval, it's game over man!  Game over!

There is an awful lot here that Stringer Bell and Prop Joe Nichols and Sykes never quite get around to explaining.  

For example, since the GOP Ratfucking Factory has been in continuous operation since both of these goofs were in short pants -- Susan Smith, Vince Foster, Swift Boats, Pizzagate, Birtherism, Death Panels, Bengaaaazi, and on and on and on (just ask Tom Nicol's very close personal friend Rick Wilson since he whipped up a bunch of them) -- who exactly is there left out there to scare into voting for the fascists who isn't already a committed meathead?

And since Democrats flipped the House in 2018 before The Lincoln Lads even existed, and managed to take the Senate and the White House in 2020, while both Nichols and Sykes and Lincoln Lads not only failed to see that their party had become a racist shithole until that party spit them but failed to meet every metric they set for themselves 2020, why exactly would anyone take strategic advice from these losers?

On the other hand, Tom was given yet another platform to pimp his book, and really, isn't that the most important thing?

No Half Measures

1 comment:

Robt said...

" Nicols: But I am a world-renowned expert in such things, having studied Russia since I was 11... "

Sadly studying Russia was / is the essential foundation of his governing philosophy.

If you have a business and you can no longer passes people (slaves) as free labor so you can be profitable. Those e freedoms of promise to peruse happiness to become wealthy abusing anyone and everything to achieve your glorious goals. Well, the government that provided you with all the freedoms is now in your way of greatness. preventing you from avulsing other you gains at their expense.
America is now worse than Russia.

DG, I hope you have a good support system as you expose yourself to this ever endless corroding nonsense that leads to nowhere.

My only advice on media venues like this you describe with Sylkes a and Nicols.

Would be to put it behind a pay wall. Put it inside a the Out House.

Those who would not pay to listen in to these type of shows are undeserving and unworthy if they won't pay for it.

After all, if that podcast ( what ever) is not on a pay to view. That would mean it is free and free means socialism.

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