George Will Is Several of Oldest Land Mammals You'll Ever Meet

He is the oldest living cantor of True Conservatism's sacred creation myths.

And he is the oldest surviving deacon still rattling around inside the Cathedral of Margaret Thatcher.

He is the oldest friar at the abbey of Saint Ronald Reagan.

He is the oldest card-carrying member of the "Blame Liberals for every failure of Conservatism" brigade.

And he is the oldest living creature who continues collecting wingnut welfare checks for recycling the same pathetic, airless, freeze-dried tirades about the Left in book form ... and then collects another wingnut welfare check by plodding from one cable news panel to the next answering ritual, call-and-response softball questions about it.

He contains multitudes, George does.  Moldering, fossilized multitudes.

But in another sense, George isn't really "old" at all.  Instead, he exists outside of time and space and causality altogether, on a plane of pure, noumenal Conservative bullshit.  Where Stupid Conservative Ideas stand forever untouched -- Reaganized and perfect -- while the appalling consequences of those Stupid Ideas are forever somebody else's problem.

For example this very morning George Will materialized on the set of Morning Joe, whereupon  Rick Tyler -- the bull-shark-eyed mouthpiece for Ted Cruz's presidential campaign -- climbed up on his ancient knee to plaintively ask, "What happened to our glorious Conservatism, Unca George?"

Here's how that went.

It was the usual sanctimonious wingnut glop.

Mr. Will continued the standard Never Trumper's lie that nothing happening inside the Republican Party or the Conservative movement has a damn thing to do with True Conservatism.

GEORGE WILL:  ... You may notice that in my book the name Donald Trump doesn't appear. Neither does the name of Doris Day or Humphrey Bogart. None of them have anything to do with Conservatism.

WILLIE GEIST:  I looked in the index for Doris Day.

GEORGE WILL:  And she has as much to do with conservatism as the 45th president.

Which leads inexorably to the obvious question -- since Donald Trump is real, and the Republican party is real, and the Republican party nominated and elected Donald Trump and stand firmly with him, where should the blame for this calamity lie?

Why with those fucking Progressives of course!

RICK TYLER: Mr. Will, where is the conservative movement? Does the conservative movement have a future? Where does its party reside?

GEORGE WILL:  It doesn't have a party right now. But you don't need a party in order to thrive, you need the right ideas. Margaret Thatcher said  were made by history. The United States was made by philosophy. And my argument is that the philosophy is still valid, that the American people are understandably and rightly unhappy about the direction the government has taken for the last 50 years, during which the prestige of government has plummeted as the pretensions of government have risen. And I think they will be receptive to an argument that the progressive overthrow of the founders' vision, which was remark fully forthright and amazingly successful since Woodrow Wilson became the first American president to criticize the American founding, that we've made a wrong turn and this is a way of going back to look at it. Do we want to, perhaps, retrace our steps?

You got that kids?

The uninterrupted and accelerating 50 year descent of Mr. Will's GOP into a mob of out-and-proud bigots and imbeciles has nothing to do with the last 50 years of the GOP courting and flatter and pandering to those bigots and imbeciles.  Of building an entire political and media empire based on constantly feeding those increasingly volatile Republican bigots and imbeciles the increasingly dangerous cocktail of ludicrous lies necessary to keep them in-harness.

Instead the rise of Trump and the fall of Mr. Will's Imaginary GOP is entirely our fault.  Yours and mine.

GEIST:  What has he done to it, though? People who are conservatives that have latched on to Donald Trump. What does it say about conservatism?

WILL:  It says they have adopted the fundamental progressive premise, which is that all power should be in the executive. The executive should be unfettered and rampant...

At which point Mr. Will was not hit with a tranquilizer dart and whisked away to the Obsolete Pundit Nervous Hospital to spend the rest of his days blaming the quality of his afternoon pudding on Eugene Debs.  Which I frankly consider to be piss-poor staff work on the part of the Morning Joe floor crew.

Behold, a Tip Jar!